Compulsion: the action or state of forcing or being forced to do something
So, go yet ANOTHER family pig roast this past Saturday and manage to keep things under control for that event. Woke up Sunday, spent the day with Hubby sans kids. Had coffee, egg and one piece of turkey sausage. Lunch 1 cup cottage cheese, 1 cup spinach 1 slice wheat bread and one baby bel cheese.
Dinner: salad with chicken and light dressings. Feeling good.
I get home late Sunday, open the fridge and realize that my 17 year old daughter had picked up Chinese over the weekend (she did not come with us.)
Leftovers staring me in the face. HUGE trigger for me.
Before I realize it, I had eaten about 10 pieces of sweet and sour chicken, about a cup of mushoo veggies and 3 rice krispie treats. Don't ask. They were just sitting on the counter and at that point I figured what the heck.
Was about to head back to the fridge to polish off the rest of the chicken when I managed to stop myself and headed out the door to take a walk with the dogs feeling mighty crappy about myself.
Got back just now and did a bit of Spark Hopsctoch, but decided to just get this out because I just need to.
Now I'm all panicky, feeling like, "What is up with that Michelle. The leftovers are still in the fridge. You thought you were all zen about this and under control and then...disaster!"
It was not even the amount of food I ate... it was more the feeling of being out of control. Like it COULD have been a lot worse if some of my Spark Friends had not been looking over my shoulder...
So, here is why I think I did that: I had stopped taking pictures of my food when I went away for the weekend. I had started doing this on July 11 and have a visual record of everything I've eaten since then.
This weekend, I had stopped having that little "moment of grace" before I ate, when I just snapped a quick pic. I think I realize now how useful that weird little habit was...it made me LOOK at my food. It made me present and aware of what was going on right in front of me.
In just two days, I had gotten out of that habit and fallen back into food being something that goes from hand to mouth without so much as a "please" or "thank you."
I guarantee you I did not really look at anything that I ate on that binge.
So, plan for right now: hoop for 15 minutes while I watch the Colbert Report, then go to bed.
Plan for tomorrow: Spark some, exercise some, get all my other 'to do's" DONE. And I will start taking pictures of my food again.