What about the truth?
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
I am reading Barbara Ehrenreich "Bright-sided. How the relentless promotion of positive thinking has undermined America"
(in UK "Smile or die" how positive thinking fooled America and the world" I have read her before - "nickel and Dimed" made a great impact on me because she took on the myth that your success in the world is your own responsibility entirely - she showed that however hard you work, circumstances may work against you. That said I also love "the pursuit of happiness" with Will Smith which is based on a true story but still...if EVERYBODY acted like Will Smiths character in that movie, it would not work - he makes an individual solution to a society problem - that our resources a)are not equally spread and b) if it were, everybody could not have a swimmingpool (very simplified)
But back to positive thinking - it is a tricky concept. be3cause if you take it on to literally it can make you unhappy. Because however positive you are in your attitude, cancer might kill you... and if you get cancer ( as I did) and you start to meditate and visualize happiness and become very positive and mindful - and the cancer STILL comes back - whose fault is it? Were you not positive enough? And on the other side - I know people who whine and groan and are not very generous or loving or contributing in the world - and they are healthy and live on and even gets a birthday cake from their suffering children... how come? Why don´t they get leprosy from being so negative?
In my opinion positiveness is not a "fix" - to be positive does not cure any problem in itself.
On the other hand - if I am sitting here, poor and sick and waiting to die - how should I spend my last days? Complaining and bitter and cursing faith who was so unfair to me? Or living each day to it fullest and trying to enjoy the things that can be enjoyed?
To me the serenity prayer says it all - accept the things I can´t change, change the things I can and understand the difference.
And one truth that is getting clearer is that I don´t need the "truth" to kick my butt. The truth has haunted me all my grown-up life; I weigh too much and it is unhealthy and uncomfortable and unattractive - I have never been in denial about this. But has it made me change - no, it has made me filled with self-contempt and fear of de3ath because I have not been able to change despite all the desperate actions I have taken to succeed.
I need to let go of the "truth" about things and focus on my day - what can I do for myself and the world today? What choices will work for me? Let go of the result, focus on the process.
"The truth" somehow comes with a lot of judgement (in my head) I need to play it down and not think about it. Today looks like this, what can I do with it?
I am happy that I woke up early this morning - have had some nights with interrupted sleep which made me wake up at half past eight, I have a hard time to choose optimism then. Today I woke up before six and have been sparking and other thing to wait for the daughter to come up - that means doggy comes too, so him and me are going for a bike ride!