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KJT1985

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I don't even know....

Friday, July 13, 2012

This is probably going to be lots of rambling simply because I need to get some things off my chest.

We've been busy lately. SO busy. Earlier this year my husband and I moved from Shreveport, LA to San Marcos, TX. We finally got an offer on our house (after 6 months) and will close July 27th. In the meantime however, we moved into an apartment and bought a lakefront lot. In the past two and a half months we've had a dock built and purchased a boat. I also started my new job at the beginning of april and now have a 35 minute+ drive to work and home. A typical day for us goes something like this:

Wake up: 5:30-6am
Leave for work: 6-6:30am
Leave work: 4-4:30pm
Arrive home: 5pm or later (Austin traffic is horrible in the afternoon!)
Leave for skiing: by 6pm
Ski until 9pm

Sometimes we have dinner at the lake so we've eaten around 8-8:30 but other times we don't eat until we get home. Then I usually shower and go to bed. We don't ski every week day, usually skip one, maybe two, nights a week. On the weekends we sleep in a bit (9am! MAYBE), have breakfast then hang around until about lunch time when we go out to the lake and spend most of the afternoon there.

All of this is to say that I don't spend enough time thinking about myself and what I need. My weight has been having a negative impact on my relationship with my husband. I haven't been gaining but I think he resents that "it's been three years" (his words) and I haven't gotten off what I gained after we moved in together. I'm up 15lbs from where I was when we met and 30lbs from my lowest during our relationship (during a long distance stint we did for a year). I've tried focusing on myself, I've tried dedicating more time to ME but it only lasts so long. Right now I'm very pessimistic and have no idea how I'm supposed to juggle all the things I need to do.

I'm not going to go into details but because of my weight, our sex life has suffered. Not in quantity but in quality. I'm resentful that I don't feel wanted or attended to. I can understand that he's a little less attracted to me (I won't lie, it's nature). However, I want to put SOME of the blame on him. We both work full time but I'm responsible for ALL the household work. I've begged and pleaded for him to help me out a bit more but it's not happening. It makes it hard to focus on myself when there's so much to do. I've told him how he can help me lose weight but it doesn't sink in. It's so easy for him so he thinks I'm just being lazy.

Certainly doesn't help that I use food to make myself feel better. That's my own personal problem, I know. I can't help but wonder though, if he were more supportive that the emotional struggle might be easier for me.

I know, rambling right. I just needed to get it out. I have absolutely no frigging clue how to do this. Essentially I'm miserable because of my weight but I feel that if I try to lose it, I'll be miserable because of the stress that comes with having so much responsibility AND trying to focus on myself without getting help from my husband. This was so much easier when I lived alone.
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  • SANDEROSE
    You poor thing! I, too, have gained 30 pounds since being with my live-in boyfriend (we haven't quite hit the 2 year mark yet). I fear that he'll start finding me less attractive and/or more lazy or something. I, myself, certainly feel MUCH less attractive and I'm embarrassed by it. But (my personal opinion that wasn't asked, I know), I have to agree that your husband could probably be a little more of a cheerleader/helper on your weight loss journey than a Debbie Downer. But still, I know you can do it! I've just started getting serious about shedding some of this extra weight, and I'm taking it slow with baby steps. I have long days like you do too (but at least your getting more exercise than I am!), and I've found that one thing that REALLY helps is planning out when and what I'm going to eat. It doesn't have to be a super big complicated meal plan, but I don't let myself go more than 5 hours without eating, and I have smaller/healthier portions and have been opting more for things like grilled chicken. I also try to catch when I start to feel full enough and stop there. And one thing that I've really noticed recently is that I tend to see a bigger difference on the scale if I don't eat after 8. I try to make myself stop and eat at 8 if I haven't had dinner yet. Perhaps you can make a sandwich to take in a cooler on the boat with you when you're waterskiing? Just a thought. Anyway, I'm there for you!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2678 days ago
  • KJT1985
    Thank you all for your comments! I know I'm not alone in this struggle. I guess right now I'm just questioning whether or not i'll ever figure out how to make it all work.
    2679 days ago
  • EMILYROSEBUD
    Sorry about all you are going through. Having a less than supportive partner can make things difficult. My husband is the same way with the housework stuff, and we have 2 kids so there is A LOT! I have found that men need you to literally spell things out for them, but in a nice way. My husband literally needs a step by step list if I want him to do anything. I also have to TELL HIM when soemthing needs to be done, because he just doesn't notice. If you make your expectations clear as day for them, it's easier for them to follow direction, plus it makes it easier for you to see if they just needed some guidance or if they are truly being unhelpful on purpose. If that's the case, a good swift kick in the a&% is my recommendation! I also wanted to tell you that I can relate to what you were saying about your weight affecting your sex life,and so can probably a lot of other women out here. I don't know the answer, because it comes from inside...only you know what will help your confidence. But I do know that you are not alone. Hope you have a good day today. Thank you for sharing!
    2679 days ago
  • SALINAMATHER
    My hubby is the same way about housework. He never had to do anything growing up so getting him to help now takes alot of asking and asking again. Most times I just do it myself since its easier and gets done quicker but juggling a full time job, housework and other responsibilities is soooooo incredibly time-consuming.
    I'm right where you are in that I've put back on weight I had previously lost when the hubby and I were apart for awhile. Amazing how much time you start putting into yourself when you're not taking care of an overgrown child!!!!!
    I am religious about watching my diet, its been my only saving grace right now when finding time to work out just doesn't happen. Cutting out gluten, sugar and most carbs altogether keeps me from ballooning.
    I hear your frustrations. As much as I love my hubby, there are days where I really question being married!!!!!
    2679 days ago
  • KATIEM929
    I'm sorry that you're struggling right now. That sucks and to have no support at home must be really discouraging. That said, you are on the right track just by acknowledging that you want to change. Being so busy is challenging enough, so I suggest starting with something small (e.g. exercise just 5 minutes in the morning or drink enough water or eat a fruit or veggie at each meal, etc.) that you can control and can stick with and add another when that becomes routine. You deserve to take care of yourself...YOU ARE WORTH IT - for you, not him. And please try not to compare your current self with your previous self; we can't go back but we can make better choices today to be healthier in the long run. Best of luck to you.
    emoticon
    2679 days ago
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