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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I am struggling with the concept of enough.

This morning I was finishing up my walk. It seems summer has finally arrived. I was warm. I turned the corner and there was a cooling breeze. It felt soooo good. I realized it was just the right amount. Not too much to be comfortable or so little that I barely felt it but just right. I seem not to have a concept of just right.

I seem to worry about not having enough and not being enough. I struggle to stop eating when I feel full. I struggle not to cringe if I have cleaned the house in the morning and my son has spread legos everywhere and so of my older sons' friends stop by. Really it is clean under the legos. I worry that I will never be good enough. I worry that I have not done enough of this or that.

I am pondering the concept of enough and accepting myself as enough. Accepting the eating as enough. Knowing when I have eaten enough and that there will be more food later. (clearly I have never starved. )

I need to realize that it is not my problem if my house is not good enough. I will get more food later. I have all the skills I need for this journey and I am doing enough.

I even took to worrying that my exercise was not enough. I was doing at least a half an hour every day and sometimes up to two hours. I really need to be able to say that is enough and I am making good progress. If I am not happy with my progress and my choices I need to fix it. this has gone on long enough.

I am wondering why I can see the beauty and accomplishment in others here and in my life but not my own. Why is it so hard to see and be compassionate with myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think there are a lot of women who try to do everything just right and we have to let go and do what we can and try our best and then let it go and not fret over whether it was the perfect amount to do. Keep positive mottos around the house for yourself to relieve your anxiety when you know deep down that you have done your best. Have a super weekend!
    3257 days ago
  • NANCY-
    What are your needs? There is a difference between needs and expectations. My expectations were perfection... "Oh my... what would people think if I was human instead of perfect" Now I realize that I am human and I have guidelines not rigid expectations. It is time for me to care for me and my needs... not to deal with others perceptions of me. Who cares anyway... I am the one that needs to live with me.
    It is time you to care for you... (and you are so worth it)
    3260 days ago
    It's always hardest to be compassionate with ourselves...those who don't have that problem are narcissistic-lol. You are ahead of a lot of us by simply recognizing the tendency in yourself. I think "enough" is something a lot of us struggle with and you are on the right track. Keep being compassionate with yourself you deserve it!!
    3260 days ago
    Pam we are so hard on ourselves!! You will get everything in perspective and look back and wonder why u struggled so much!!! U will do this keep pushing!!!
    3261 days ago
    You are so right but it seems we all struggle with this challenge so perhaps Father made us this way so we could keep challenging ourselves. emoticon
    3261 days ago
    What a good and timely blog, thank you. Is it that we set really big goals? Is it that we wan to get to a place faster? Is is that we cannot see the big picture? I don't know.

    When I had post partum depression my husband's aunt came to stay for a bit. She had heart problems and I was not sure how she would be helpful as I had three little kids. But every time I started making lists of everything I had to do she would smile and ask me what I really needed to do. I think I felt like if I could get it all done, I could relax. Maybe that is what I used to do with exercise too... if I could do it all, if I could figure out the magic calorie/exercise combination..

    She would get me to look at what was in front of me and say what do you have to do right now? One thing? I would start to list of ten and she would stop me. One thing? OK, do something with the kids. Good. Do that. So I would. Then I would come back to her, ready to tumble over my list of to do's again... One thing. Get dinner ready. Good. Do that. Perhaps I have incorporated that more into my life now. Rather than a huge to do list for my "health", one thing. Exercise ten minutes. One thing. Eat more vegetables.

    It is timely because I have been struggling with eating and you have made me look back at why. I have been getting caught up in calories and carbohydrates and fats. I need to, for today, just keep it simple. Eat more vegetables.

    Let me know how you do. I think this is blog worthy so I'm going to cut and paste. Thanks. Justyna
    3261 days ago
    We are so much harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. But you have to realize that if you only do 30 minutes of exercise a day it is more than you would have done before. There may be times when it may not be enough based on what you've eaten and you just have to try to learn the difference between those times. Don't exhaust yourself or be too hard on yourself because you are trying. I was like you about my house. I had to have everything "just so." But the purpose of a house is to feel like home and be a place of comfort. Don't make yourself uncomfortable by cleaning all the dang time. And teach your little one to pick up his own Legos. Good luck honey.
    3261 days ago
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