Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Wow, what a week can do to make a difference. This time last week I was really down in the dumps feeling broken. But I kept faith that things would work out. As you know I was offered the job and I accepted it. AMAZING!
Yesterday I took a day off from work so I could really clean out my apartment. Like 10 bags of trash later (how do we accumulate so much junk), I feel like I am ready to start my new path. It was really good throwing things out, and sorting old clothes. It was like I was finally eliminating the OLD me and finally accepting that I am moving forward. So now I have a clean apartment and closets that actually have SPACE in them. WOAH!!
I also started to work on my Pittsburgh bucket list. I have lived here since 2007 and I am finally getting around to doing some things that I have wanted to do in the area, but my depression left me frozen from doing it. I have gone Kayaking on the river, went to sandcastle (yes, I whore a bathing suit in PUBLIC!), and did South Side with a group of girls. And amazing things have been happening ever since.
On Saturday, the night out with the girls I wasn't completely self conscious about being out with very lovely single ladies. I didn't feel like I was the fat friend (though technically I was, they are gorgeous, but also 25). I also got to know a guy friend a little better and he was very flattering towards me. He kept telling me how attractive I am because of my personality and I wasn't hearing in my head "yeah, great personality, thus you are fat and ugly" So major step in the right direction!
I know I will probably hit another low, but I pulled myself out of it on Tuesday. At noon last week, I was sitting on the ground crying my eyes out. But I prayed just to give me the strength to make it through the rest of the day. And God answered in big ways. I was calm for the rest of the day, even though I was blue. I had guilt because I was being 'short' with people, but I held my tongue the rest of the day. Then, God knew it was time to force me out of my dumps and I got the offer and I have been on a roll ever since.
I am talking myself out of the negative thoughts, and I am telling myself that since I feel peace I am on the path that I am supposed to. Don't know what the next two weeks will be like here at the job, but giving my notice went better than I thought. So, here is to the changes that are coming my way.
Maybe all of the hard work I have been doing on my mental state, and of course all of the physical work I have been doing are starting to come together. Hopefully my valleys I will walk through won't be as low as they have been in the past. And that when things are OK, I can see it and be grateful for all that God has provided me.
I am grateful for
1. Johnny Marie - he came over yesterday and helped keep me on track with throwing out my old life
2. I took another 30secs off of my 5 mile time. (great for not running in over a week)
3. The break in the heat - goodness this past weekend was just exhausting with the heat
4. GOD - I actually am finally getting right with His timing. It's good to not be so stubborn and just trusting in my Father
5. Left overs - got Chinese yesterday, and I have some noodles and seaweed salad for lunch, YUM YUM
God Bless, and thank you all for taking this amazing journey with me, and sticking with me when I am down!