This is hard

My baby girl will be 15 next Month.

Well, hello. It's been awhile. Mostly because there has been alot going on this Year. Guess there really is alot going on every Year but most of it does not seem important. It's hard to talk about it when my Counselor does not want to discuss it. My "friends" & family mostly want to discuss it behind my back & avoid talking about it to my face.

I have started writing this quite a few times & am just going to share my story before I either chicken out again or the storms knock me off here. What I am about to share is not pretty & I guess what I hope to come from sharing this is to help People. So, here goes.

I dont know about anyone else but stress for me mostly makes me want to eat & eat bad. 1 time about 5 Years ago I was really stressed & was unable to eat much at all. I thought "this is great", I was dropping weight pretty quickly. It did not last but maybe a couple of Months & I got my eating habits & health together pretty quickly. Fast forward to the end of last Year & I was having the same problem. Except this time I did not enjoy the weight loss.

I was to the point where I was not eating. I tried to make myself eat which only made me sick. I was just going through a rough time in life I thought. Been through this before. I wasn't even drinking water or anything of value to my health & body. I dont know if it was dehydration or what but I started having horrific nightmares terrible bodyaches & my nerves were just shot.

I had been up for 3 days & nights. I was having hallucinations & hurting terribly. My dad talked me into going to the Emergency room. It was a terrible experience. I ended up leaving as I heard the Doctor say, "It's a she made her own bed kind of deal, I dont feel sorry for her." Never asked them to feel sorry for me. I was asking for help to get better. I just heard 1 too many comments like that & left. They said my Physical appearance looked fine. I ended up in a different Emergency room a few days later.

My dad was pretty upset about taking me again. My Husband was not in Town when this happened. I thank Go for leadig me to this Emergency room. They did not comment on how my "physical appearance" looked. The did tests & started an I.V. while waiting for the results. My dad was complaining about how long it would take, said he didn't know when he could come back to get me, & that is the last thing I remember.

Dad left. I dont know how he was notified but I was admitted to either C.C.U. or I.C.U. The Doctor told my Parents that "She has one foot in the Grave." I guess my Electrolytes & magnesium were dangerously low. They called my relatives in. I guess I was in & out of consciousness. I was there 12 days. My heart beat was abnormal. They did several EKGs while I was there. I guess I insisted they release me. I truly dont remember that. They said some of the medications they prescribed made me really loopy. Even the Doctors have not really discussed with me what happened with my health & body at that time.

Not eating or drinking due to any circumstance is very dangerous. It was a very hard lesson learned. This happened early this Year & I still have a hard time talking about it. If you feel there is something wrong go get help. If the first place you go to does not listen go someplace that will. I waited & it almost cost me my life. Almost costed my Daughter a Mother. As I said talking about this is very hard. This is the best I can do right now. I will be seeking a new Counselor. For the People in my life that already know what happened & treated my like just a good piece of gossip well I have no room for them anymore. I feel like God has given me another chance & I want to live a full & happy life. I think that is what we all want. So, now I am just trying to appreciate all I have. Thanks for listening & I am sorry I have not been around.


Having fun with my Family at King's Island a few days ago. We did ride bigger rides:) Lol!