SP Premium
G.I.JANE
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints 18,893
SparkPoints
 

This is hard

Sunday, July 01, 2012



My baby girl will be 15 next Month.

Well, hello. It's been awhile. Mostly because there has been alot going on this Year. Guess there really is alot going on every Year but most of it does not seem important. It's hard to talk about it when my Counselor does not want to discuss it. My "friends" & family mostly want to discuss it behind my back & avoid talking about it to my face.

I have started writing this quite a few times & am just going to share my story before I either chicken out again or the storms knock me off here. What I am about to share is not pretty & I guess what I hope to come from sharing this is to help People. So, here goes.

I dont know about anyone else but stress for me mostly makes me want to eat & eat bad. 1 time about 5 Years ago I was really stressed & was unable to eat much at all. I thought "this is great", I was dropping weight pretty quickly. It did not last but maybe a couple of Months & I got my eating habits & health together pretty quickly. Fast forward to the end of last Year & I was having the same problem. Except this time I did not enjoy the weight loss.

I was to the point where I was not eating. I tried to make myself eat which only made me sick. I was just going through a rough time in life I thought. Been through this before. I wasn't even drinking water or anything of value to my health & body. I dont know if it was dehydration or what but I started having horrific nightmares terrible bodyaches & my nerves were just shot.

I had been up for 3 days & nights. I was having hallucinations & hurting terribly. My dad talked me into going to the Emergency room. It was a terrible experience. I ended up leaving as I heard the Doctor say, "It's a she made her own bed kind of deal, I dont feel sorry for her." Never asked them to feel sorry for me. I was asking for help to get better. I just heard 1 too many comments like that & left. They said my Physical appearance looked fine. I ended up in a different Emergency room a few days later.

My dad was pretty upset about taking me again. My Husband was not in Town when this happened. I thank Go for leadig me to this Emergency room. They did not comment on how my "physical appearance" looked. The did tests & started an I.V. while waiting for the results. My dad was complaining about how long it would take, said he didn't know when he could come back to get me, & that is the last thing I remember.

Dad left. I dont know how he was notified but I was admitted to either C.C.U. or I.C.U. The Doctor told my Parents that "She has one foot in the Grave." I guess my Electrolytes & magnesium were dangerously low. They called my relatives in. I guess I was in & out of consciousness. I was there 12 days. My heart beat was abnormal. They did several EKGs while I was there. I guess I insisted they release me. I truly dont remember that. They said some of the medications they prescribed made me really loopy. Even the Doctors have not really discussed with me what happened with my health & body at that time.

Not eating or drinking due to any circumstance is very dangerous. It was a very hard lesson learned. This happened early this Year & I still have a hard time talking about it. If you feel there is something wrong go get help. If the first place you go to does not listen go someplace that will. I waited & it almost cost me my life. Almost costed my Daughter a Mother. As I said talking about this is very hard. This is the best I can do right now. I will be seeking a new Counselor. For the People in my life that already know what happened & treated my like just a good piece of gossip well I have no room for them anymore. I feel like God has given me another chance & I want to live a full & happy life. I think that is what we all want. So, now I am just trying to appreciate all I have. Thanks for listening & I am sorry I have not been around.


Having fun with my Family at King's Island a few days ago. We did ride bigger rides:) Lol!


Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD12942735
    Thank you for sharing this story. It truly helps to be able to "talk" about such issues to others who understand, especially when our "loved ones" have turned their backs or don't seem to care. Just know you have a friend in me, and I am always here to listen. Life is easier when you have friends to hold you up when you are crumbling......Hugs..........Jenn emoticon
    3106 days ago
  • TERRRI
    Jane, what an experience! I haven't checked your blog in awhile and wasn't expecting this story. At least you had enough of your wits about you to eventually seek out another Dr. Some Drs aren't meant to be in the line of work they are in, compassion isn't in their vocabulary. I am sure you know this from your line of work. Glad you are on the upswing!

    I couldn't help but notice in the water ride picture the sign that reads "Race for your Life". People need to not judge because they never know as much of the background story as they think they do.

    Take care!
    3117 days ago
  • TERRRI
    Jane, what an experience! I haven't checked your blog in awhile and wasn't expecting this story. At least you had enough of your wits about you to eventually seek out another Dr. Some Drs aren't meant to be in the line of work they are in, compassion isn't in their vocabulary. I am sure you know this from your line of work. Glad you are on the upswing!

    I couldn't help but notice in the water ride picture the sign that reads "Race for your Life". People need to not judge because they never know as much of the background story as they think they do.

    Take care!
    3117 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4550505
    I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. I'm so glad things are turning around for you. I'm here for your if you ever need to talk. emoticon Linda
    3160 days ago
  • CASEYTALK
    Keep looking for a counselor who suits you. Good for you for remembering that your daughter needs her mother and you need to take care of yourself for both of you. From what you are saying, it must be extremely hard, but you are showing you can do it.

    Keep posting here -- we all care and we support you.

    emoticon
    3161 days ago
  • WATREKKIE
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3161 days ago
  • BABY_GIRL69
    Jane, I know that you have been absent but you have been in my prayers....Glad everything is turning around for you. Stay in therapy & do what is best for you Sweets. We are all pulling for you...

    God bless,

    Dee
    3162 days ago
  • CHANGINGSAM
    I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. I can't imagine. Do know that I am here if you ever need a friend. You are strong, and I believe you can get through this. Keep your chin up.

    emoticon
    3162 days ago
  • JINLYNN
    This past 6 months have been an ordeal for you. I am glad you are doing better. It is so important to seek help when one needs it. I am sorry that the first emergency did not show the care and compassion you needed. Thankfully you did find a place that could and would help you. Take care and welcome back.
    emoticon
    3162 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3528530
    The one thing you need to remember, Janie, is that it truly doesn't matter one whit what people may think about you or say about you. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. I read something the other day that said that when someone judges someone else, it is no reflection on the person being judged, but is a reflection on the one who is judging. And that is totally true. When someone discounts you as a person, it's only their own deficiency, not yours, so try to develop a thick skin and let it slide right off of you, because bottom line, it's their problem, not yours. We've all been there and we'll all be there again. It's just life and people, and none of us can control or change what is in anyone else's mind. The only one we can control to any extent at all is our own self. I have the same problem you do and that is what I am currently working on. It's too easy to internalize what you think people might be saying or thinking of you, and we both need to quit doing that, because all it does is cause you to feel less than. And face it....people are always really eager to make you feel 'less than'. When you know who you are, there is no need to justify yourself to anyone else. I don't know if it would help you or if you would even be interested, but one of the books that has helped me the most is the one by Dean Ornish, titled "love and survival". It's a good read, and speaks of self esteem and developing your own healthy sense of self. I believe this is absolutely key to being able to remain secure with yourself despite whatever anyone else tries to do to you. It all starts within you, and how you view and think of yourself. If that is healthy, then the naysayers can go suck an egg 'cause they can't bother you at all despite their best efforts. Other peoples' opinions do not determine your value or worth. I hope the worst is behind you now and that from here on out, everything will only get better. Oh....and don't feel bad.....my kids will be 36 and 37 on their next birthdays! Can you say older than dirt? LOL
    3162 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/2/2012 2:54:37 AM
  • TAZZIEGIRL
    What an ordeal to go through. I am glad you are alright now and that you found someone to listen to you.
    emoticon
    3162 days ago
  • BLESSEDBEING
    That sounds very scary and dangerous. I'm so glad you found a place that was able to help you. And I'm glad you are experiencing joyful times with your family.

    Please treat yourself with exquisite care and compassion. You are precious.

    Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon
    3162 days ago
  • BOOTS
    Good to see you back and alive and well. What an aweful experience. You have been given another chance at life...that beautiful baby girl needs her mommy!

    We took our kids to King's Island when they were little. My daughter loved the Cobra...she rode it several times in the very front seat. I'm too chicken to ride the coasters!
    3162 days ago
  • OHANAMAMA
    emoticon I'm glad things are better for you now. Take care of yourself! Stay healthy. emoticon
    3162 days ago
  • CAROL6X
    You will be alright. Hang in there. Looks like you were having fun at Kings Island.
    Is that the Kings Island not far from the Louisville or Indianapolis area?

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3163 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.