Am I afraid of being thin?
Saturday, June 23, 2012
I have thought about this question for years. Since I have struggled with sabotaging my weight loss efforts on and off for years, I often wondered what was at the root of my issues.
Was I afraid to reach my goal? Is that why as soon as I get close, I tend to fall off track and gain weight? What was the problem? So my theory is not that I am afraid of being thin, but I am afraid to be done with losing weight.
So much of my life, personality, friendships, activities and thoughts are about weight loss. Even my conversations with my family revolve around food and exercise and how we are doing on our weight loss. I think once I achieve my goal, I am afraid that I will lose that part of myself,,,that bond with other people who are trying to lose weight. If I am no longer a person who is trying to lose weight,,,,then who am I ?? It's like losing my identity. Like I will be out of the club. I will be the person who is at goal weight, which is great, but I will never again have the thrill of seeing the numbers go down on the scale.
I think I am addicted to losing weight and seeing the numbers go down. Crazy and warped,,,,but that is my theory. At least it gives me some sort of answer as to why as soon as I start doing good, my subconscious steps in and I find myself binging. I am fighting it as best I can, and I hope that one day, I really can get to goal.