My body, my betrayal?
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Today has been so tiring for me and I feel like I am on an emotional shut down. So after being sick off and on for about a month I finally made the decision to go to the doctor. I had been feel so horrible and the uncontrollable coughing was really getting to me so I sucked it up, payed the money and went to the doctor. First off let me start by saying I was diagnosed with prediabietes when I was 18. Now because I didn't have health insurance after the age of 19 I never really followed up however I do know that I did nothing that I was suppose to do in order to help my diagnosis. I just didnt take it seriously and didnt do what I was suppose to. I dont know why I responded like that but I did. So I always figured that it was a possiblity that if I didnt do something I would eventually get diabietes. Please understand that is not something I want but this dieting and excercise thing is so hard for me that I just brush it aside and choose not to deal. Anyway today I went to the doctor and I already feel defeated because my body is fighting me, I have been sick for a month and I am only 24 years old and i feel like my body is trying to shut down for some reason, and the doctor looks at me and tells me you have high blood pressure. The way she tells me scares the hell out of me bacause she is asking me if I have a doctor and she is delievering this news as if she is telling me I have cancer or something and I am so scared. I now have not one but TWO conditions that can hurt me because of the way I choose to eat and take care of myself. I'm so tired of being this way I don't want to be the person that has to take insulin shots everyday, I don't want to be at risk of having a heart attack everytime I put a burger in my mouth. The worse part is knowing that I did this to myself and I now have to find a way to fix it myself. I don't have insurance so I can't go to the doctor when I need to or hire a nutritionist. I have this feeling of just hopelessness but I know I can't give up, this is just hard.