Depression is Rearing its Ugly Head
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Today started out ok food wise, fruit and cereal for breakfast. Exercise is so challenging. After my neck surgery in November 2011 and a long recovery period, I still can't lift more than 15 pounds, lift my arms over my shoulders, push or pull over 15 pounds. I can walk, and for that I am thankful. I know I would walk more if I had a walking partner, but that's not too easy in this very small town I live in.
I know people who have had the same surgery who are much further ahead in their recovery thank I am, and I am frustrated by that. My surgery actually was a two part process, with my original accident happening in 2000, when I fell backwards down 16 stairs and landed up against a metal fire door. By the time I underwent my first surgery in April 2003, I was paralyzed from the waist down, with no feeling in my hands or face. I was given a 25% chance of surviving the surgery. After the fusion of cervical spine disks 6-7, I was able to walk. After two years of not being able to walk, I was completely mesmerized by the whole putting one foot in front of the other thing. I have never taken walking for granted since. My surgery in November 2011 fused my cervical spine from c2-c7, wiht a 5" titanium plate and 8 screws put in. I still have trouble swallowing, but it was a long time before I could properly eat and drink after the surgery, about 5 months. The stuff I was given for nutriton was packed with calories and i put on an additional 40+ pounds.
Now my neurosurgeon has told me I need to lose 60 pounds or face a complicated and scary surgery on my lower spine. You would think that would be enough to get me motivated, but depression is a battle i fight daily. For whatever reason, the depression keeps me from doing the activity I love the most, which is walking. And of course, my appitite is increased when i am depressed. Somedays I can keep the depression under wraps, and I feel pretty good about myself. I would like to have more days like that.
I thank you all so much for your encouragement on my weight loss journey. It feels good to know others are struggling and overcoming. I know I can do this. I have to do this. Your support and helpful comments will go a long way towards getting me to a healthier place.