I had previously put this information in a blog but I want to repeat it so I can consult it more readily: I have been keeping track of my weight most of my life.
1969: 117 (college age)
1974: 161 (9 months pregnant)
1979: 143 (after two pregnancies)
August 1982: 160 (TRAUMA: INABILITY TO FIND WORK & much rejection therein)
June 1983: 196
November 1984: 168 (found work)
Sept. 1985 190 (TRAUMA: Serious illness of husband)
Sept. 1986: 170 (working, happy with work)
May 1988: 155
Sept. 1988: 182 (TRAUMA: Caretaking of mean elderly woman)
Jan. 1989: 204
June 1989: 220
June 1990: 230
September 1990: 205
March 1991: 187
April, 1992: 228 (Caretaking of elderly)
1993: 250 (Husband's serious stroke)
June, 1994: 202
September 1998: 220
August 2001: 202
October, 2009: 216 (Started taking insulin)
steady weight gain until July 2011 at 234
June, 2012: 206
It seems to be clear that I gain weight at times of extreme frustration. After my 1982 inability to find work, I've had to divorce myself from caring too much about my employment or my meagre paychecks. I've taken all kinds of jobs and tried to detach. My weight gain around the issues of work is really weight gain because of REJECTION.
Another enormous spur to weight gain is the caretaking I have done of very ill/dying relatives (husband, aunt, mother, etc). When I am caretaking, I typically eat fast food or junk food and don't find time to exercise.
I gained 50 pounds in one 7 month period ---1988. I was emotionally molested by a psychiatrist.
In conclusion, when I am rejected or when I am too pressured about taking care of others, not only do I fail to take care of myself, I tend to medicate myself with sweet and caloric foods.
It has now been 20 years since I weighed less than 200 pounds. It's time to pay myself back with a good steady if slow weight loss.
June 11, 2012: I plan, hope, desire to get back into the upper 199's by July 4th and hope that a daily reflection on my goal will help.
I now have time, almost every day, to exercise, and I also have time to shop, cook, and plan clean meals. I am no longer trying to please anyone buy myself. I have no career goals and will drag out my days being an adjunct professor: It certainly beats working in a screw factory as I once did. The hours are mostly flexible even though the pay is laughable.
My self-esteem depends little on the judgements of others.
So---one two three get dressed in my work-out clothes and GO!
See how well this cute hedgehog defends himself? I defend myself at long last as much as I can.