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Finding My Way

Sunday, May 27, 2012

At 66--nearly 67--I continue to learn. No, the brain is not gone, and I don't mind admitting that I still have plenty to learn.

First, I've learned that there is not ONE way to live healthy. On one of the message boards, I did realize that IF--and that's a big IF--there was one way, I'd probably want to change it to make it "fit" my individual needs. Look at any program and you'll readily find some that it worked for; others did not achieve their goals.

Second, lying is not good. Lying to myself is just plain stupid, because (deep inside) I do know the lie. Excuses are born from lies to self; when I rationalize, I had to realize that I was only trying to fool myself with my "rational lies."

Third, it's impossible to "cheat" on calories. Realizing that my metabolism is very unique, it still responds pretty much like yours. Admittedly, there are going to be plateaus where my body fulfills its need to "take a deep breath" and readjust. That being said, if I eat too much or eat foods that are wrong for me, I will gain. What I put in my mouth either counts for me or against me--my choice.

Fourth, the people closest to me may be very reluctant to even mention my weight loss. In many ways, I've set up my family and friends because this journey is not new to any of them. They've witnessed my successes (and failures); they've been my cheerleaders through my most challenging times; and, I believe, it's easier for them to ignore my latest success than to acknowledge the loss and watch my pain as I reclaim the weight, as I've done countless times before. I believe this time is different; they've never given up on me--I've given up on myself!!

I have felt judged for a good portion of my life and I have survived. I'm my toughest judge, but others may not necessarily know that. Weight became an issue for me very early in my life. I could come up with reasons or excuses to try to explain why, at 66 and 5'3, I still weigh over 200 lb. The bottom line is--are you ready?--I've always eaten too much of both right and wrong foods. It doesn't matter why I ate; it only matters that I ate too much, that I allowed it to get and stay out of control. I could not define my path for anyone because I could not define it for myself.

I don't want to play games with my health anymore. I'm not sure I ever really wanted to, but I learned to do it early and well. This time, I quit!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 02SERENE
    I too have plenty to learn. It isn't just getting the information, it how we use it to help ourselves and others.

    I have issues inside myself and then I have some issues even as my body image changes a tiny bit from eating healthier and making better choices. All of them add up and then I have obstacles. So, I keep on trying to keep it simpler and simpler with just the motto that I am only making these little changes. To go too far in the future makes it too much. And right now just the little bit I am doing to me is an awful lot. It is kind of strange because at the same time, I want progress to show if that makes any sense.
    2701 days ago
  • FITB4-40
    This is an excellent blog. You have beautifully articulated much of what I feel and have experienced on my own weight loss rollercoaster. As long as we continue to learn from our experience, especially our failures, there is hope that this time the weight loss or the healthy lifestyle choices will be permanent.

    Best wishes for health and happiness,
    Christy
    2709 days ago
  • JANNEPERRY
    Those around you may "have heard it before" and be a little reluctant to help/encourage you. The good news is, we're all NEW friends (I lost my same weight 3X and that's ok) and we are more than willing to encourage you.

    It's good that YOU are determined to be successful emoticon
    2723 days ago
  • TBOGENER
    Your blog makes so much sense. Procrastination plays an important part of my life. Not just in weight loss but everything else as well. I think we tend to be out biggest enemy in this march to weight loss or changing our lifestyle. Good luck and go easy on yourself, you are a child of the universe. (The Desiderata)
    2723 days ago
  • RADAZZLE
    Isn't it amazing how we often try to fool ourselves? What we're doing is only BEING fools! emoticon

    I'm almost 62... and still learning. Still trying. And that's what counts. Like you said, "I don't want to play games with my health anymore." It's time to get healthy and learn how to live an active and happy life!

    emoticon for an inspiring post!

    emoticon
    2723 days ago
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