Finding My Way
Sunday, May 27, 2012
At 66--nearly 67--I continue to learn. No, the brain is not gone, and I don't mind admitting that I still have plenty to learn.
First, I've learned that there is not ONE way to live healthy. On one of the message boards, I did realize that IF--and that's a big IF--there was one way, I'd probably want to change it to make it "fit" my individual needs. Look at any program and you'll readily find some that it worked for; others did not achieve their goals.
Second, lying is not good. Lying to myself is just plain stupid, because (deep inside) I do know the lie. Excuses are born from lies to self; when I rationalize, I had to realize that I was only trying to fool myself with my "rational lies."
Third, it's impossible to "cheat" on calories. Realizing that my metabolism is very unique, it still responds pretty much like yours. Admittedly, there are going to be plateaus where my body fulfills its need to "take a deep breath" and readjust. That being said, if I eat too much or eat foods that are wrong for me, I will gain. What I put in my mouth either counts for me or against me--my choice.
Fourth, the people closest to me may be very reluctant to even mention my weight loss. In many ways, I've set up my family and friends because this journey is not new to any of them. They've witnessed my successes (and failures); they've been my cheerleaders through my most challenging times; and, I believe, it's easier for them to ignore my latest success than to acknowledge the loss and watch my pain as I reclaim the weight, as I've done countless times before. I believe this time is different; they've never given up on me--I've given up on myself!!
I have felt judged for a good portion of my life and I have survived. I'm my toughest judge, but others may not necessarily know that. Weight became an issue for me very early in my life. I could come up with reasons or excuses to try to explain why, at 66 and 5'3, I still weigh over 200 lb. The bottom line is--are you ready?--I've always eaten too much of both right and wrong foods. It doesn't matter why I ate; it only matters that I ate too much, that I allowed it to get and stay out of control. I could not define my path for anyone because I could not define it for myself.
I don't want to play games with my health anymore. I'm not sure I ever really wanted to, but I learned to do it early and well. This time, I quit!!