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Friday, May 11, 2012

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Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I am not in aggod place with myself, it is probably the court thing coming up next week that is subconciously affecting my mood... woke up with a lurking migraine, went back to sleep for two hours, woke up much better, managed to get some hooping in and decides to devote time for others - that is what program tells me, let go of the ego and get interested in others.

I have this friend who has breast-cancer, she had her first chemo-treatment monday and got really sick. It worries me because she hs five more to go and it will not get easier... and I have been to occupied with my own misery to reach out. Finally got around to call her today and she is a little bit better and she also told me that my support has been invaluable to her, she has kept all my mails and reread them when the going gets tough.

I am humbly grateful for being able to serve. Little did I think when I was in chemo hell that my experience would be of use to somebaody else seven years later.

And of coure she gave me a great gift by telling me that she could use what I had written to her. Another great gift she gave me was that she - with her current situation - cannot understand how I survived... my troublesome situation today started with cancer (well, it probably started with me being born, but yu now what I mean) as it was hubbys reaction during cancer that created the catastrophal relation we have today. He abandoned me and harassed me while doing it and today deny that it happened... and I survived and I can see why and how it happened but I canĀ“t find how to handle a big fat lie... yet. But the acknowledgement from her that I really had a hard situation to deal with feels good, I feel like the greatest hero in my life!

And although I hate the emotional situation I am in with my ex today and my powerlessness with changing anything but myself, I can believe that this experience may be beneficial to somebody else in the future.

Reading spark member Johns blog "THIS is the day!" reminds me that today is all I have and I better use it to the best of my abiity!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SILLYHP1953
    You have much to share and I thank you for sharing it on here.
    2705 days ago
    What we do for others usually comes back to us twofold. Sorry you have had some rough times but managed to come out Ok. Hope you have a good day.
    2766 days ago
  • LINDA!
    Meddy, sending support and positive thoughts. I am certain that the court issues are overwhelming. Breathe deep, try to think positive thoughts....I hope it all turns out in your favor. Remember that we will be thinking only the best for you.
    2766 days ago
    It strikes me how when you reach out to help and support someone how much you receive in return; even though that was not the goal. It works if you work it. We are survivors!

    So much that is good for in my life today grew out of a lot of pain in the 80's and yes, my x was at the core of a lot of it. Today we are friendly, my kids and grandkids deserve that, but we are not friends. I carry no ill will; but I figure forgiveness is something he has to go to God for, not my job. I just don't carry the poison of anger anymore.

    Nothing worked out as I would have planned; it isn't what I thought I wanted; but, it's better than I ever dreamed! So, take heart as you take this stage of life one day at a time. We don't see the big picture and have no magic window to the future. Just trust that as you do your best with each day things will unfold as they should.

    That doesn't belittle your stress and pain Meddy. It's understandable that you are having a tough time with so many unknowns coming at you. Stay in today and do the best with it that you can. Make more time for others; it is a real gift to yourself too. Hugs.
    2766 days ago
    Thank you for sharing a little of your past struggles in this blog. I know you must be a great help and strength to your friend. Hope this day is a good day for you.
    2766 days ago
    meddy, you are strong - and look how sharing your strength with your friend has helped her! that strength will stand you well in getting through the next week. emoticon
    2766 days ago
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