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Day 52~ Freedom, I share thru Music

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Day 52 ~ Opening my eyes.
I put my life in each song and vblog.
These songs translate what I can’t say.
Better than my own words because I’ve lived these words.

I’m opening my eyes for once in my life, and not my mouth to eat. I see so much, and as I walk through my thoughts on these things right here.

I’ve come to understand my worth.
I thought I understood my worth a long time ago, but I didn’t understand my worth. Once “hunger for food was removed from my thoughts, and replaced with” hunger to live a rich life, all my worries no longer became a need. I want to live; I want to live my life to the fullest. Now that I’ve open my eyes and now I can see my growth as a woman; I realized that “food” was never the issue, and food wasn’t the object that fueled me. I’ve been “longing” to be loved, liked, wanted, and appreciated. That’s what fueled the depression, and that’s what fueled the eating. It was never; never; never my weight. It has always been longing…for and wanting to be loved; liked; appreciated, and now –now that I look at everything that has went down in my life. I can truly say; I am loved for who I am now and that my authentic-self. I’ve been searching for my authentic-self for so long and now that we are united as one; I can be free as a bird. I can be as light as air. I can move this “weight”. It will no longer be my stumbling block. I realized how “powerful” I was when I brought my spirit out of all this bondage.
I can’t roam in bondage anymore. I wasn’t made to roam.

The roaming has already been done, and I was not about to roam around in the desert. I was not going to become a part of that. I’d made my mind up on this day, May 10th 2012 and I said. I will not roam in the past no more. I was scared, but I had to let it all go. I had to release those things, and that’s why today’s vblog is all about letting go and setting myself free.

Cause this is me.
And no one can take what I’ve learned in the past few months about myself frome me. No one can take me away from me ever again.
And that’s what the past had done, and that’s what depression did as well. And this fat was a wall put up by my low self-esteem.
Yes, I’m wise enough to see that.

I can’t go. I wish I would have seen this sooner.
All I can say is. I’m thankful that I see it now.
I’m thankful that I can take myself as I am now.
And I’m moving forward.
No more struggles.

Weeks will be hard during this journey.
Emotions will be raw as well, just like the foods I choose to eat.
Tears will fall like rain drops.
Muscle will ache, but the pain is there to make them stronger.
Your body grows from pain, and I have dealt with a lot of pain.
So yes!
I must admit. A has come.

I’m no longer afraid of what the outcome may be.
Because I am now in control of what that outcome should and could be.
No more holding onto.
Shoulda; Coulda; Woulda’s.
No more holding onto the painful past.
It is what it is, and that’s how it going to be.
I’m not going to stop loving me as this strong black woman.
I’m going to carry on, and believe in all I can do.
Believe in the power that strengthens me,Jesus Christ.


I call today photo -pretty in pink. Haven't been able to rock this belt since 2010 with comfort, and now I can. I'm on the 3rd hole out of 4.
And I am... Won't share any weights until I reach another spark listed knock off.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DEE_DEE11
    I like when you say you don't want to hold on to shoulda, woulda, coulda's -- that's exactly where I am in this journey, trying hard to let go of those! Wishing you much strength. Have a good week! emoticon
    2629 days ago
    Beautiful new picture. Love your belt. Another motivating and encouraging blog. Your music choices though personal have a very universal note to them. I think that there must be shared parts of our journeys in life. I know that breaking free is one part that I'm glad we share. emoticon

    Thanks so much for stopping by my photos and page last night. emoticon
    2630 days ago
    Very nice. You're a talented video editor! How do you DO that? I want to learn to edit videos with flare!
    2631 days ago
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