Sunday, May 06, 2012
I have two VERY needy adult children. They don't live at home but call me for every little thing. "I'm out of sugar" , " I need a ride to work in 5 mins or I'll be fired" , "I need diapers", "I know you just brought me shopping but I forgot milk", "you got $50", "can you babysit for the weekend and can you pick her up right now?" etc, etc,,... They even have their friends calling me to do stuff like give them a jump, babysit, a ride to the eye Dr, and even advice.
I love them and wish them the best but it's my time and I have started saying "NO!"
Example~ My sons gf Katie asked me to watch her kids from 11:15-2:15 yesterday. I got up at 6am, cleaned my house, did my video and went for a walk (I usually enjoy my coffee at the computer, clean, wait for hubby to get home and then exercise in the evening on Sats) . She started texting me at 9:15 ( I was walking) asking me if I had cereal because the girls didn't want eggs. I told her I did but was getting my cardio in and wouldn't be home for awhile. Next thing I know she is pulling up on the side of me as I'm walking wanting to know how long I'll be and if I want a ride home. I tell her no, I'm all set. I smile and wave at the girls and keep going, barely breaking my stride. She drives off, I keep walking.
At 9:25 she texts me that her car won't start and she is broke down at her oldest daughters friends house but she has the jumper cables I bought her last week in the trunk. (this is a recurring problem!!!) I text back "don't they have a car?" "can't they jump you?" She texts back that they aren't coming out and her cell is about to die so she needs to know when I'm coming now!! I text back "where is your car charger?" "at home", she says. Really? that makes zero sense to me.
At this point I am clearly annoyed and put my phone in my pocket so I can get the most out of my walk. I can feel it going off about every 2 mins but ignore it. It keeps beeping so I finally check and I have 8 texts from her, wanting to know WHEN I'm coming. I text back that I am not coming, that I have allocated the hours between 11:15 and 2:15 for her and that's all I have to give. Less than 5 mins later my son calls wanting to know why I'm being "a bitch" to Katie after I said I would help her today. I tell him the same thing I told her and hang up. I shut off my phone and kept walking.
I get home at 10:15 am, log my exercise, eat, shower. 11:15 comes, no Katie. At 12:00 Katie shows up with the kids who still haven't eaten. I feed them, we plant flowers, watch TV, play with the dogs, etc. 2:15 comes, no Katie. At 2:30 my husband comes home and reminds me that we were supposed to go shopping for things we need for our vacation. I text Katie, no reply. At 2:45 I call her and she says that since she dropped them off late she will need more time. I tell her you need to come NOW and PLEASE do not ask me again.
I mean it. From now on I will come first. I am 44 years old and have NEVER made myself a priority. I know it's my own fault and I know I am the only one who can change it.
From now on the answer is no to everything unless I have at least 24 hours notice, you do exactly what you say and it fits into my plan!!
P.S.~ Just because I managed to say no I got in a 3.5 mile walk. If I had jumped in her car and did her bidding (as I have always done in the past) I would have walked less than a mile.
P.S.S~ My children are 28 and 23 and Katie is 37!!!!