Monday, April 30, 2012
I feel like I'm making some progress. Taking out the number on the scale as an indicator of success has been a challenge actually.
Which is fine. I didn't remove it becuase I wanted to make things easier. I removed it because it is not reliable. I've said this before, but, I have a long history of using the scale as a hair vest. If I lost weight? Well it was probably water weight and not "real" weight loss. If I gained weight? It's because I'm a failure. It's really hard to motivate yourself when your inner monologue is so negative.
And your weight IS subject to factors outside of your control. It's mostly in your control, calories in/calories out and all that. But, there's 100 ways you could be doing everything "right" and still not getting the results you want.
I'm an auditor. I'm always concerned not just about the actual financial condition, but also the system of controls. In accounting, internal controls either prevent or detect (maybe also correct) misstatements whether due to error or fraud.
If an entitiy doesn't have adequate internal controls it doesn't matter (to the auditor) what result you get. That's an exaggeration... but for the sake of the analogy, stay with me.
In this context, the good habits I'm trying to instill are controls. They will help me to make sure that my results are accurate. Right now? The results don't matter and could actually encourage some poor habits (not eating enough, over-exercising, fad diets) that won't get me the *ultimate* result I am going for (strong & healthy).
If I used the scale as a sole indicator, I could "cheat" the results (fraud!). If I don't have good healthy habits I can lose weight (temporarily) in any number of ways. So until I have a good system of controls (habits) I won't be analyzing my results.
I'm making goals around concrete things I can easily manipulate that are the foundation of healthy habits. Eating healthy whole foods. Tracking what I eat. Moving more.
It's so easy for me to try to do too much too soon and then get frustrated when I'm not magically able to do [X]. Taking things one baby step at a time has been working. I already feel stronger, and I'm starting to build a fitness habit that I really hope I can stick to.
Incidentally, I am getting on the scale once a week for informational purposes. I'm not tracking my weight but I want to know when I started losing weight and in what sort of quantity. It's a very fine line though, and not falling into the trap of working for THE SCALE is a constant struggle.