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I don't know what to do and I feel helpless!!!!!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Well I have not bloged or done anything for awhile and I am not happy were I am. I am now bigger than I have ever been in my life at 310 lbs and I don't know when this is going to stop. I have failed so many diets and workout's and tried to change my life for the better, I try to workout but give up to soon and can;t seem to get myself movated or wanting to workout at all. I know in my heart that I need to lose weight, I am unhappy, I can't walk far, I have alot of pain all over, I have a fatty liver , and so many health problems, can't stand for long periods over my weight and that I have mult bone spurs in both feet, back pain and so on. I really want to lose weight and eat healther and I know how to but to do it is another story. I don;t know why I can;t seem to get to were I want to be and how to do it the right way. I hate when people look at me and say that I just don't want it bad enough because that is not true, I hate the way I look and how I feel. I want to be able to were nice cloths, bend over and paint my toe nails or tie my shoes without being out of breath, I want to were jeans again and be able to feel good in them and not feel like I have to hide my body. I want to be able to go on rides with my kids and do things with them that I cant do right now. I don;t want to feel tired all the time and feel embarsed about myself. I don;t like to eat in front of people except my family because I feel like people are talking about me, I feel this way when I am out as well. I feel like people are saying look how fat she is, she looks gross and I can't belive she just won't workout or walk some. Look how lasy she is. I feel like I embarsed my kids and I feel like people make fun of my kids over me. My daughter has been told that she must not be ares because she is not fat like us. My son is also big and I don't know how to help him because I can't do anything with my own self, I am a very bad example. When I do try to workout and eat right something always happens, I either get sick or hurt something and then I just quit. I don;t want to die and I want to live a healther life. I want the real me to shine and for me to finaly love myself. I don't know why I love to eat and I read somewere , were they talked about if you had something happen to you that you do things to hide yourself , like making your self fatter to make your not pretty so know one will bother you , and that when you have something really bad happen to you when you are young you sometime stay as that age in your life , And I feel that way, on the inside I feel like a little girl and I have alot of people say I cat like a teen, but I don't want to be that way and I don't know what to do about all this. I feel if somehow if I could heel that the weight will finaly start to come off and I will be a better parent and wife. I seem to have a hard time making friends and keeping them, I really don;t seem to know how to talk to people and don;t know how to fix that either. I pray that God will help me heal and have some friends and make my self whole. I will try and stay on here and post as much as I can, but I pray that God will send someone my way to help me through all of this. Well I have talk way to much. Better try and go to bed now. God Bless emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 40_4ME4FAMILY
    Hey lady. It is hard. You can be motivated, so to speak, but still feel unable. I have really struggle this past year trying to find my feet again since having my baby. The best advice I can give is to start small and build so you don't overwhelm yourself. Please feel free to check in with me on a regular basis. I get it.
    2771 days ago
    STEEN is right. You didn't just wake up one day and the extra weight was there.

    You have taken the first step, you have identified the problem. Start taking small steps to fix it. Get that water in, put an extra scoop of veggies on your plate with a meal, Browse through the exercises and find a couple that you can do now and build on them from there.

    It also sounds like you might have a built in workout buddy. Talk to your son about it and see if he would be interested in working with you so that you are both accountable to this process.

    We are all here for you, just let us know what we can do to help.
    3118 days ago
  • STEENS79
    I read your blog and I see motivation written all over it! Just don't go in "all or nothing". The weight didn't go on over night, so it won't come off overnight (believe me, I know..haha). After dieting for 20 years, hitting 334 lbs at my heaviest, I found that the first time in my life, I found something that worked - I made one change at a time. Otherwise it's way too overwhelming. I suggest make one small change and stick with it for a week or two before you add another small change. That doesn't just go with eating - even exercising. Perhaps one exercising change you make one week is to wear a pedometer - not even to increase your activity - just wear it and see how many steps you get in on an average day throughout the week. Then the next week, add 100 steps to that. Baby steps does it. No one can make a lifelong lifestyle change to become healthier by changing everything at once.

    You're fabulous,and you have the support here. Journalling and small changes has been working for me, and I think it can work for you too. You can do it!!
    3137 days ago
    First let me thank you for posting this. I was you and by the grace of god will be able to keep my food demons at bay for just one more day. Do not give up or give in you can set a goal and begin anew today.

    Second, you are a food addict. Thats a hard one. I am your sister. The food has poisoned you which is why you physically cant get up and go moving toward a goal you so desperately desire. Its not just the weight, the poison from the flour and sugar sucks the very life and energy out of us. Find inspiration anyway you can. For me a binge eating group and sugar addiction group on spark has given me both a community of support and resources for inner work.

    Food is not the enemy, the addiction is. One day we will both see food as it should be seen, a source of fuel for our bodies. But just for today, take it one meal at a time.
    Please feel free to message me, for your story is close to my heart!
    3137 days ago
  • DNS9264
    Well, it sounds like you definitely have the motivation so all those people who say you don't can just go suck an egg! Have you talked to the doctor? Because of your issues with pain and ailments, I would definitely consider working with either a personal trainer or a physical therapist to get you started with exercises customized for you. One of the biggest mistakes people make is going out and trying to do too much. You can't just change everything in one day/week/month. The Spark is all about taking little steps to make big changes, so take just one step at a time, be it getting in 8-glasses of water, walking for ten minutes a day, adding more veggies, or whatever, just choose one! Then, the next week or so, add another step. Then another. But don't try to change your entire life in one day; do it over time, step-by-step.
    I think Spark is a great place with no judging. You've got the tools here, and I think you'll find the support, too. Don't give up! You are so worth this! I'm rooting for you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3137 days ago
    Start here studying and making a plan to help yourself and your family. Look at the healthy family challenge and the 10 minute a day challenge, to help you get started.
    3137 days ago
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