SP Premium
SARAHCLARK5

SparkPoints
 

The Blame Game.

Friday, April 20, 2012

I've never been a believer in all this phsyco babble stuff. Let's delve into our childhoods and see who we can blame for the fact that we are miserable , or bad tempered , or fat. Even if we could without a doubt find the cause of our problems and lay the blame fairly and squarely at that someone's door , how would that help ? Would it stop you from being a long faced misery or magically make your fat disappear ? No of course it wouldn't.
Having said that , I have spent many hours trying to work out why , with the best intentions in the world, I have failed at every diet I've ever tried . Yes I have successfully lost weight in the past , but haven't kept it off despite wanting more than anything to stay slim.Why ? The desire was there , the know how and tools all there , so what was wrong ?
I think the answer does lie in my childhood. Being the only fatty , and the only girl , in the family wasn't easy. My first diet at ten was humiliating although my mother would never have wanted to hurt me. She just wanted me to be a happy and carefree young girl. She worked long hours , so I was able to begin my lifelong habit of sneak eating - nobody knew why the diet didn't work ! I hated being the odd one out , and stayed fat till I was 22. Again my mother came to my rescue , sending me a very reputable diet magazine offering my first experience of calorie counting. It worked ! "Normal" for the first time in my life I was jubilant. Till stresses and various problems began to take their toll , and I was back to my secret binges. And so it went on for the next 30 years. So why is it different now ? To be honest I don't think it really is different , I just think I have a bit more insight and understanding of why I do what I do. Perhaps I am more able now , in my old age ( ! ) to make sense of it and see what is underlying the current "shovel as much food as possible down my throat " mood. Sometimes it truly is simple greed - I like it , I want it and no , that tiny portion is not going to hit the spot. But most of the time I can see other things at play , and trace it back to that unhappy little girl who realised that although there were many things she could not control in her life , she could control what she ate - so she did. She ate lots , and still does. When I know that I am being controlled and manipulated , which sadly happens a lot and is beyond my control , I know that the one thing nobody can stop me doing is eat.So I do. Only now , I recognise that irrational and self destructive trend and can almost always put the brakes on.
So would I still say that all this delving and analysing is worthless ? No , I wouldn't , but it is essential to remain responsible and accountable for your own actions , because one thing I do stand by is my conviction that the blame game is a pointless and hurtful exercise , and provides no answers at all.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LHINX123
    Great Blog!! Right on point. Thanks!
    3186 days ago
  • SMILE2HAPPINESS
    Great blog! I definitely agree, we have to remember that right now, we are responsible for our actions.
    3186 days ago
  • SARAHCLARK5
    Hi to you both Asta and Linda , why do we do such odd things relating to food ? And why are we so ashamed ? I think that the shame I feel resulting from the odd way I eat is one of the things preventing me from making easier and faster weight loss progress.
    3190 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8099773
    Very insightful and something i can apply to myself as well. I appreciate your opening up and sharing this. emoticon
    3192 days ago
  • BOOKWERME
    Thought provoking and well said.
    3192 days ago
  • SARAHCLARK5
    Thank you Celeste, yes I see it differently now because I do , as you say , have an adult's perspective on it , and self honesty is what it's all about really. Have a great weekend !
    3192 days ago
  • CELEST
    I like what you say. Your past, especially your formative years definitely do play a role in how you turn out....however.....its up to each and every one to make the adult changes necessary to improve our lives. We cannot keep playing the blame game. That is just a lack of self-honesty really. Great blog.
    3192 days ago
  • SARAHCLARK5
    When I first thought about this , I did say " Wow !" because it had never occured to me before. The theory of why I ate like a starving orphan , but mostly only in secret , was quite a revelation. But then again , maybe you mean " Wow ! What a long blog !" Ha Ha !
    3192 days ago
  • JOEYSCNL1113
    wow!!
    3192 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.