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DEKA2010

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Mirrored walls

Monday, April 09, 2012

The entire back wall at the gym I attend is mirrored, which means every day I have to look at the 40 plus pounds I've gained in the past year, and the 10# before that. emoticon
I joined Spark over a year ago, and instead of losing, I steadily gained weight. I started at around 160#, wanting to lose about 10#. But then the numbers started going up. A lot, and quite quickly (I'm an emotional eater who is also a sugar addict- bad combination when you're hitting some bumps in the road). I finally just dropped out for a while, until I hit my all time high of 202#. At that point I couldn't deny that it was time to get serious. The mirrored wall at the gym reinforces this each day that I go.

One of the problems I have with that mirrored wall is that I DO see every pound that I've gained and I think, how will I ever be able to lose, once and for all, the excess "baggage" I see on my thighs, hips and butt? The belly fat that has taken over my once smallish waist? It seems insurmountable when I have to look at myself every day in those freaking mirrors. 'It will NEVER come off,' I think to myself. Once I became aware of the mirrors I couldn't block 'me' out.

It really is a problem. I'm in my 50's now and like I said, I have belly fat that I never thought I'd have. Now I know a lot of it is because of my overeating, but hormones play a part as well. My hips and thighs have always been big, but I few years ago I had it 'contained.' I was an avid hiker and gym rat, and I had all but given up fast food and sugar.

Why is it so hard to get back there, and can I ever do it again?

I think I can, I think I can (love the Little Engine that Could!). Already I've seen a little change. A few pounds gone, and it's slightly easier to squeeze into the size 16's that should be a size 18 but I'm too proud to go out and buy more fat clothes. A couple of small NSV's also: I can tie my shoes again without gasping for breath! Actually, that's not such a small NSV. It really scared me when I reached the point where it was a struggle to tie my own shoes. When I sit in the plastic chair on the front patio I'm not picking the chair up with my rear every time I stand up. That part I attribute to the elliptical trainer at the gym. Over the past three weeks I've gone from 5 minutes at level 1, to 20 minutes (with short rests) at an interval setting, from 1 to 4. I walk. I'm doing some strength training. Food-wise, I'm tracking my binge-free days now (it's been almost an entire week!). I haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant in quite a while, either. I do enjoy going to Sonic, though, especially between 2 and 5 in the afternoon. I love, love, love their diet cherry limeades! I'm learning to like vegetables and whole grains.

As for the mirrored walls, I think my next step is to make friends with that woman I see each day in those mirrors. She's got determination and strength. Judging that woman staring back at her serves no purpose because that woman is doing the best that she can.
I guess it's about learning to love me and accept me again.




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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CJJANISS
    emoticon
    3323 days ago
  • DEKA2010
    Thanks Franniedid, you're absolutely right! I'm already feeling better just challenging myself to eat right and get much-needed exercise. Focusing on the end goal isn't what this is about. It's about taking care of my body. Period.
    3323 days ago
  • FRANNIEDID
    1st and foremost, don't focus on the end goal, that time will pass whether you lose weight or not so frustrating yourself by worrying about the total is a sure way to keep the status quo! Instead focus on the why of what you are doing. Why do you want to shed those pounds, it is not just to look better, right?!? Make small goals for exercise and diet and work at that, don't let the big picture frustrate you. We all struggle in our 50s, it is harder but not at all impossible, you can do this!
    3323 days ago
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