My heart is hurting
Thursday, February 09, 2012
So much has happened to me in the past few weeks, months, years... I've blocked a lot out because I couldn't deal with it all at once. I took control over what I felt I could and left the rest to providence. Recent events have forced me to take a look at my life. I've been avoiding this and numbing myself so I could continue facing the trials of "everyday living." Granted, as soon as I begin to pull ahead something else tries to stand in my way. In the process I've taken a few steps back but because I am a WARRIOR I'm going to continue moving FORWARD! The most difficult step for me is to feel the pain and move through it. I'm doing this.. taking it hour by hour. But my heart is hurting...and maybe that's a good thing because it lets me know I still have a HEART even though I thought I had lost that too. I'm trying to stay off the computer and have a life.... I'm trying to get out more even though it's tough when funds are low and my friends live a distance. Thankfully I have my daughter... but I try to encourage her to go out with her boyfriend and her friends and not worry about me (one of the reasons I put on my game face ... I don't want her to worry about me...but she still does... I know it's because she loves me so but she is young and should be out enjoying her life and not worrying about mom!)
I'll make it through this ...I've been through tough times before. One big lesson I've learned from Sparkin is that you have to take small steps...just keep moving forward. This applies to so many aspects of life..not just diet and exercise. But diet and exercise are the starting points.... make the physical being feel its' best so you have the strength to deal with the rest.
So I have been eating healthy and trying to exercise more frequently. I've been pretty successful with both..but I should be tracking..it helps so much to "really" know ..but, as I said, I'm trying to stay off the computer, do different things when I'm at home and get out more. This isolation I've put myself into the past few months has not been good for my spirit, or my waistline.
I thank all my Spark friends for continuing to support me even though I haven't been much support for you. Your comments do help me more than you know. I'll pull it together....and I promise I will be there to support you when I am able. Right now my heart is hurting sooo much and I have to move past this first.... and I will...because I'm a fireball with a lot of spunk! I'm just having trouble completely connecting with that part of me right now. But it's there.. I see glimpses of it all the time.
Keep Sparking...it works!