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I need a new "comfortable"!

Friday, February 03, 2012

OK, this is what has been on my mind lately and it may or not make sense to you.

After I had my babies 13 and 15 yrs ago I seemed to level out at around in 190 lb range. Even though I was severley obese, that is the weight I was comfortable at, emotionally. When I would start getting over 200, I was able to buckle down and get myself back in the 190's.... but whenever I would dip into the 180's and even a few times into the upper 170's I would be loving the weightloss, but in a weird way I felt uncomfortable. I loved the compliments I got, but the attention made me a bit uneasy. It was like I was changing (for the better) but like I was becoming someone "different".... physically and mentally (lifestyle change) and I wasn't able to deal with that. For 13 years I wasn't able to break out of that comfort zone.

It took a tremendous amount of physical pain at 200+ lbs for me to finally break out of that comfort zone. And it WAS uncomfortable.... I loved the compliments and the way my body was transforming, and the way I was feeling physically, but just feeling like I was "changing" really kind of bothered me. Even though I *am* the same person..... I have changed and I *am* different than what I was at 209 lbs. It is all for the better, I am completley convinced of that, but it was a hard process to go through.

OK.... well for the past almost 2 years I have been in the 140-150 lbs range. And I am finding myself fighting the same feelings. You see... now I am used to myself and comfortable here in the 140's. Even though I know am still overweight and need to lose more--- I NEED to get into the 120-130 range. I no longer look at myself and think "WOW what a difference! You look amazing." I am saying... "you are so close.... why can't you dig in and finish the weightloss journey and work on maintence?"

Once I hit 150, I buckle under and lose the weight to get back into the 140's. And the ONE time I dipped under 140 (this past October) I was feeling those same feelings of uneasiness as I did when I was severely obese and would finally get into the 180's.

I look at my pics that were taken last October when I was at my thinnest ever:

I love these pics and feel great about them! I am only about 12-14 lbs heavier right now and I KNOW I can lose it again.... I WANT to look like that again and even thinner! Last October when I looked like this, I was starting to get more compliments.... even from men! Not "hit on you" type of comments, just respectful comments about my weightloss and fitness. Why do I let stuff like that stand in my way???? That should help motivate me, not make me uncomfortable and send me into a binge! Yes, I am changing, but it is GOOD!!!!!

I am striving to get into a comfort zone of 120-130..... You know.... once I hit 130 lbs, that can be my "danger" number, my "oh crap!" number. The number where I stop the extra munching and increase the workouts a bit until I am back down in the 120 range.

I need to take my own advice..... Everybody always asks me HOW I lost my initial weight and I passionately tell them that more than anything else it is a MENTAL GAME that you have to win! I really believe that and I am going to remember that as I dig my heels in finally get into my new and final comfort zone. Not going to let it take 13 yrs this time!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You put my feelings into words! I keep doing something similar. Yes, we need a new zone and new "danger" weight!
    2985 days ago
  • no profile photo CD403947
    I have the same problem. I experience a weight loss, am thrilled about it, and within a week I'm blowing off intentional eating, shoving things in my mouth I know I shouldn't eat, and then I gain back the 1 or 2 or 3 or whatever pounds I've lost. My husband occasionally asks if, when I get thin, I'll leave him for someone else. Really, after 25 years, I don't know what he's thinking, but that's his problem. I still wonder, though, what my problem is and why I honestly choose to be obese. Thanks for posting this. At least I'm not alone.
    2985 days ago
  • JLITT62
    Even tho I've never *consciously* struggled with those feelings, they're normal. And you're right, it's almost all mental.

    But don't forget to also give yourself a pat in the back for just how far you've come! And then get uncomfortable again!
    2986 days ago
    I love your clear thinking. You do a great job working through all these significant ideas. It helps me to "listen in."

    2986 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11341635
    I struggle with this, too. I should be under 200 pounds by now. I really could have been if I was sincerely TRYING. But after I lost 15 pounds, I don't know what happened. I just got... scared? shook up? Something. If I don't have all this weight to protect me from...various things in my life... I'll have no excuse to not do those things anymore. Insightful blog.
    2986 days ago
    You look wonderful in your "skinny" pictures. I could sure use some of those to stay motivated. I think you can be comfortable in these lower number knowing that as you age it is even more important to keep a healthy weight for many reasons, one of which is high blood pressure. The older we get the tendency to have high BP is prevalent according to the Trivia info here on SP. emoticon
    2986 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4501477
    emoticon You look great!
    2986 days ago
    2986 days ago
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