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Learning to take care of me.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I have written many blogs here. I pondered many things here trying to figure out this journey. I have learned many things about myself. Some good some I would call bad or struggles. I feel like I stumble before each new step. I have wondered why it seems so hard.

My working diagnosis has been either fear of success or fear of failure. But, neither one seemed to fit just right and resonate in a way that made me feel satisfied. I figured the answer was inside someplace buried deep. I have wondered if I would find it. I have promised myself to keep moving forward even if I don't understand the block.

I have continued to ponder all the stuff I wrote about in my last blog. I had not come up with an answer. Then I realized most of my problems come from my reluctance at self care. Not that I don't take care of myself but, I don't always do the best job. I give myself time off by not doing the dishes right away. (Yeah I am learning that when I do that it is more work later.) I eat poorly because I don't want to make myself something better.

I am not sure why. I think sometimes it is because I don't have the kind of food I wished I had or I don't want to eat what I planned or I just don't think it is worth it. I hate it when people say you deserve this or that. Yeah maybe I do. Sometimes it comes down to $$$ or time.

I deserve a gym membership. Maybe. I even used one when I had it. But, now it would take 15 to 20 minutes to get to the gym, plus the gym membership and gas prices. Just doesn't seem worth it.

I deserve to eat well. My littlest doesn't like all the things I might want for lunch. I feel a lack of creativity with lunch.

Sometimes I doubt that I really could have what I want. But, you know I could. I can buy soup that I like. I can make soup that I like. I can buy special ingredients for the salad. I could make it more interesting.

I can use this time to learn what I want. Sometimes I think I have forgotten me. I enjoy being the mom. I like making food that my family enjoys. I like eating with the family. But, I can do that and make food that is yummy and healthy for me.

I can do this. I can learn how to balance the care of me so that I don't feel deprived and alone in this journey. (Skinny boys don't understand my change of diet.)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    Life is about choices and I know you will make the right ones in the end. It's good to ponder where we are, where we been & where we want to go. Then make a plan on how to get there

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    3426 days ago
  • WORKINGSTIFF
    I just want to echo what others have said. Fix what you would like for lunch, but keep things on hand that your little one will eat (cheese, fruit, pj & j, etc.).

    Maybe you feel overwhelmed from making too making changes or having too many options at once.

    Maybe you should try focusing on ONE thing-be it exercise, not procrastinating, eating more veggies, whatever YOU want to focus on. When you have success in one area, it's easier to move on to another ares. Success breeds success.

    Best to you on your journey!
    3427 days ago
  • NANCY-
    I so understand. Putting myself last for many years it is difficult to change our perspective.
    What I have found is that by taking care of me sets a fine example for my family.
    Sharing helps. Be it taking a walk, or going to a pool or doing a video on the tube.
    I tend to make it an adventure when it come to new healthy foods/recipes. We vote.. yum.. let's have this again... or forget it.
    You can do this for you (and you deserve to) and your family benefits from your journey/example too.
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    3428 days ago
  • JCDUBEA63
    Pam sometimes cooking a dish ur family likes but making it healthy they may not even notice. It seems ur hardest time is lunch time maybe trying new things will make it more exciting!! I'm in a semi rut right now too!! I know we can get out of it!! We've come so far we just have to keep pushing!! We can do this!! emoticon
    3429 days ago
  • OVERHAULING-ME
    Pam, Great post! And all the responses have been wonderful! This is a journey and along the way there is so much to learn and discover! We don't learn and grow when things are easy. Each little stumble helps us learn more about ourself and grow stronger. You're working on becoming YOUR BEST FRIEND! Won't it be great when you can finally meet her and appreciate what she has been through?!!!

    We CAN do this!
    3429 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6232784
    I think you may just need to step back and rest for a moment...

    1. What do you really want to accomplish on this journey?
    2. What is the best route to take for that journey?
    3. What support do you need to keep you motivated?

    We all get stuck in places, but then it's time to re-evaluate who/what/why you are doing this? If it isn't something that you look forward to everyday, then the journey is a struggle. You don't have to have a lot of money or the best of the best....but you do need to make it fun.

    What are you going to do fun today? Maybe your youngest can help you find that exciting new lunch item...maybe it's just a silly note you place in it!

    Have fun...you can do it!
    3429 days ago
  • WALKINGGRANDMA
    I don't know if it is not taking care of yourself but living in the world with other realities. When you are taking care of others, it is also your responsibility to take care of them.

    A gym membership would place a burden as you can do "anything" you want but it always has a cost and you have to decide between shoes for the kids and going to the gym, it does seem selfish.

    You can, however, give yourself the gift of time during the day and take time to exercise using your body weight and get your heart rate up. There are videos online or you can buy or check out videos and get your workout in. An occasional monthly membership or even pay by the visit gym membership could satisfy that need you have to spend time working out hard. Doesn't cost that much and less obligation.

    Your little one can learn to eat what you do, but that isn't going to be fun. Make your own salad and eat with him. You can have a bit of whatever. I like PB2 for my PBJ fix. It makes me feel much better for 1/4 the calories.
    3429 days ago
  • SIMPLE_IS_BEST
    Your little guy could learn to like the kind of diet you like. That would make lunch choices much easier for you. I would make what you want for lunch, and give him a little bit of that, plus something else easy that he likes. Keep doing that every day only increase the amount of "your" stuff and decrease "his" stuff until eventually he's eating like you, at lunch at least. He'll most likely resist for awhile, but if you keep doing it every day, and make sure you show him how much you enjoy the food, and don't give up, he'll come around to your way of eating. Then at least lunch time will be more fulfilling for you.

    It's too easy as mothers to lose ourselves in our family. Make sure that you are doing thing for you sometimes too.

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    3429 days ago
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