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Seriously?! Again!?

Friday, January 20, 2012

Today I woke up with the most severe pain in my right heel. The pain is in the back part of my heel, the very back part of the bottom of my foot. Hurts like hell.

Honestly, I've been having this problem for a while. I've tried everything from rest, to stopping running (yeah, that's been awesome for me...another big fat NO to what Esther can do), stretches. Nothing has helped, but the pain has been manageable - just a slight discomfort. Until this morning when it drove me to tears.

I know I probably have one of those fancy injuries - Plantar Fasciitis or Heel Spurs or something. Fun, right?! And I don't even want to hear the doctor say it. I'm so friggin' angry I might just spit in the doctor's face.

You see, I've dealt with plantar fasciitis before, when I was over 100 pounds heavier. The cause, of course, as told to me, was being overweight. Yay! Chalk another one up for the Causes = Fat column! So what did I do? I took care of it. I lost weight. 115 pounds and counting thus far. And we meet again. I get that I'm STILL fat. I totally get that (if you read my last blog you totally know I get that). But come friggin' ON already! I don't really know how much more of this I can take.

I took every preventative measure I was told to take by every running expert, website, guru, doctor, whoever.


A variety of steps can be taken to avoid heel pain and accompanying afflictions:
•Wear shoes that fit well—front, back, and sides—and have shock-absorbent soles, rigid shanks, and supportive heel counters.
•Wear the proper shoes for each activity.
•Do not wear shoes with excessive wear on heels or soles.
•Prepare properly before exercising. Warm up and do stretching exercises before and after running.
•Pace yourself when you participate in athletic activities.
•Don’t underestimate your body's need for rest and good nutrition.
•If obese, lose weight. "


Thanks so much for that last one, guys. Love that.

I've been VERY careful. I have been fitted for running shoes. I make sure the people there know I have issues with my high arches so they can accommodate that and make sure my foot is fully supported.

I swear to friggin' Pete that if someone puts me into those granny orthopedic shoes I won't come out of my room again.

I know I sound childish, but I don't care. I'm 31. I workout 4-6 times a week for at least 30 minutes. I strength train. I've walked, run, done Zumba, boxed, swam, biked, stair-stepped, ellipticaled, rowed, and circuit trained for over a year now. I give myself rest days. (I feel horribly guilty when I do, but I know they are necessary.) I follow the guidelines and try not to push myself, while still pushing myself enough to get a challenge. I've got the right equipment, I've paid for formal instruction where needed. I've done every damn thing I'm supposed to be doing...and, let me tell you a secret, at least for my life... It's all a load of crap. Sometimes you just get to be that one lucky person. I guess I'm the .1% of this equation. And, in this case, being special isn't a prize (maybe a booby-prize).

Yes, yes. It could be worse. But, seriously!? AGAIN!? I have to go through this AGAIN!?

*bangs head on desk repeatedly*

For those of you reading, this frustration is numero ONE why I set my page to private. I'm not about to be able to motivate anyone to do anything but friggin' give up now before things get worse. Because I followed the rules. I followed the plan. I wasn't perfect, but I forgave myself because I was human. I didn't lose it all super fast. I took it slow and steady. I celebrated the months when I lost inches instead of pounds. Yes, I complained along the way. But I didn't give up. I exercised through the pain, telling myself that stupid quote about how pain is weakness leaving the body. Yeah, not always. Sometimes pain is your body saying OW! OW! PLEASE STOP!! I've rested. I've felt guilty and then told myself to stop the negative thoughts and moved on. Since April 2010, I can tell you matter of factly, there has been only ONE week that I didn't exercise at least one time. AND I did that on purpose - because of these stupid injuries and people arguing with me telling me I was pushing myself too hard. Guess what? That didn't friggin' work either. My body didn't heal in that time. The pain got worse. "If I'm going to hurt either way, I'd rather get something out of it at least," I thought. And I kept going.

Again and again I kept going.
Smacked down.
Fall down.
Get back up.
And just kept going. I didn't even take the time to brush the dust out of my hair. I just kept going.

now I'm being punished for that.
Again and again - punished.
The chiro even told me straight up that some of my problems are DUE to me losing a bunch of weight. WTF?! BUT! I did what I was supposed to! Every doctor in my life said every problem was CAUSED by my weight, so I took the hard road and worked to lose it and now you're telling me that doing what they told me to do for years has led me to this road...where I'm in front of another doctor telling me that the solution has become the cause!? WT ever-living F, man?!

I think I've determined that doctors don't know shiz and it's basically a guessing game. And maybe that's why I don't even want to go to the ER to have them x-ray my foot and give me some BS line about how to solve the problem, and I go do that and it causes another friggin' problem.

So, nothing new to report. My foot friggin' hurts. I should probably have crutches right now because the pain in my heel is stupid ridiculous when I try to walk around. But I'm going to do what I've done for over a year now - ignore it and keep doing what I'm doing. Yes, I'll eventually go the doctor - maybe even tomorrow - and find out WTF is up "officially" or whatever. But I don't think it will help much. Ironically, the one thing I'm constantly told (because they love that "you're fat" as a cause for every illness) is to rest, but continue to exercise. Love that line, but every friggin' machine in my gym pains me. Every last one. So I basically go in there and pick my pain every night.

So, yes, right now my page is private. If you hear someone say something about it, they can let me know they want to be added. I just want people to know WTF they're getting into with me right now.

I'm still fighting.
But I friggin' hate it to bits.
And I don't see that changing real soon.

I expected to lose a bunch of friends over this rotten disposition. I totally get it. I can't always read b!tching blogs and then get excited about eating right and exercising. But think of it this way --

If *I* can do it with all the real, actual pain I'm having, WTF is your excuse for not doing it?!


If you're a runner - run one for me. I miss it so terribly (so much so that if I talk about it too much it makes me cry), but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I may not ever be able to really run the way I have wanted to my whole life. Or, at least, I can't right now run at all. So if you're considering NOT running today. Stop chickening out for no reason. Do one for me. Do one single mile for me, because I would LOVE to be out there b!tching my way through it, talking positive talk to myself, telling myself the first 1/4, 1/2, 3/4, 1 mile is the hardest and pushing through to 2, 3, 4, or even 5 miles in the end. I wish I could be there celebrating the dripping sweat following a great run and that immense feeling of pride that comes from knowing you just did what a lot of people are too scared to even try. So, if you're considering bailing - just do one for me.

I'll fight this battle so hopefully you don't have to. And while I'm wincing in pain at the gym, you just remember that every time you have a case of the simple "idunwanna"s and tell yourself to shut it and keep going.

There, does that help?

*limps away*
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You and I have that in common foot problems = pain ! I had the same, I wear inserts in my running shoes all the time. When I lost the most of weight, I had the searing pain return in my left heel (hell spur I call it) as before it was my right heel. Went in have my insert re-ajusted 3 times ! My Technician finally said: "Sorry, you will need to get a new prescription and new inserts I cannot ajusst it anymore. You have lost too much weight. Your foot, heel and weight distribution has changed ! " Got new inserts and voilà pain disappeared. Nota: I refuse to buy or wear those orthotics shoes only wear my inserts in running, hiking shoes.
    3393 days ago
  • ERIN1128
    I have to say, the "If obese, lose weight" thing made me laugh out loud! Like it's something you can do on your lunch break tomorrow, or something. Talk about unclear on the concept. Hang in there sweetie.
    3394 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10757449
    Just like every other obstacle that's gotten in your way, this too shall be left in your wake! You're my role model and I know, without a doubt that you are going to beat this too. Prayers, hugs and anything else that can help you through this!
    3394 days ago
    Rebounding? That is super low impact, super fun!

    Sigh.. .sorry!
    3394 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/20/2012 11:38:05 AM
    Again - swimming = no access to pool. Plus, when I do swim or do things in the water I still have pain from the knee joint that bugs me, so that too is another pain I have to choose.

    Spinning = no spinning bikes available. I have biked and the stationary bike = I hate it. But I do it, and it hurts my hips.

    I don't know what else there is I could try other than golf. And...really? Golf? WTF?
    3394 days ago
    Trust me, I really understand your frustration! I've been dealing with some chronic pain keeping me from running the way I want to and I had mini brakdown on Tuesday because of it-- and it's not the first time it has happened and I did make all those changes etc. SO I HEAR YOU!
    The thing is that while it is not fair and whatever else, all you can do is deal with it--- for me that can be easy, hard or extremely difficult at times, because I feel guilty complaining about my chronic injured self... while others are dealing with real illnesses etc.
    That said and you can defriend me if I am super annoying.. the pool has always saved me when I was ready to call it quits on the exericse front! It saved me through my ankle tendonitis, my stress fractures ( both of them) and it's been good to me while I am able to moderate activity... which is still something hard for me. I don't love it, but I am grateful to have the pool for that reason. Have you tried pool running? There is a whole program for injured runners- the thing is, it's boring and tedious and hard if you do it right---want the same type of bneefit that is-- but it's amazing how fit you actually get! That and the bike? Have you tried spinning? I think getting away from impact exercises for awhile might be extremely beneficial. Not trying to sell you anything, just speaking from proven experience. I'm the kind of person, I can't really be me without exercise you know? I love it and I need it and well, I go to any lengths-lol- to get on a great workout! Whatever it takes!

    In that spirit, try something new?!
    3394 days ago
    Oh I am so there with you right now. Can't run either. My heel pain ended up being heel spurs which lead to the severed achillies tendon. SO don't wait too long to have it looked at.

    And yes I am using the theory if you can do it I have no excuse, so see you do still inspire depsite the pain. Which I hope goes away soon.

    3394 days ago
    You know I'll run one for you! I'm out here hoping you can find some solutions because I know you love your running!

    Your theory makes sense to me - some people get the bad breaks. I know this is in no way on the same level, but I get blisters no matter what I do and helpful people give me advice about how I'm doing things wrong. I can't imagine that being amplified into real pain and completely unhelpful advice where you kind of want to punch someone.

    I'm sending out my best healing vibes to you so these pains will back off and not be such a trial!
    3394 days ago
    Almost forgot rule#1!! I don't know what you wear for shoes but absolutely not heels until it gets better. SUCKS, but important. I am actually wearing heels for the first time in like 6 months today... I needed to feel like a woman, I'm not sure my podiatrist would approve. whoopsie.
    3394 days ago
    I 100% hear you on this one. You may remember last year I started out amazing! I was doing P90X (successfully I may add) and then started running. Because I am such an over-pronator I got plantar fasciitis. There were mornings when it was literally crippling. The first step is always the worst.

    I spent 8 months trying to get it fixed... orthotics, ice, stretching, ibuprofen, physical therapy and injections... nothing helped, in fact it was just getting worse :(

    I had surgery for it in November and it was one of the best things I have done for myself. I still have a little bit of weakness but that is my fault for babying it even when the doctor said not to.

    Things I found that may help...
    -freeze a small water bottle and roll it under your foot for 15 minutes 3 times a day. I hate ice, so I know it sucks but it really does help with the pain.
    -ibuprofen. You need to try to get some of the inflammation down so adding this to the ice will help with that.
    -the most important thing to stretch is actually your calf muscle. Most important lesson learned... if it kills you to stretch it, don't push through the pain, stretch it a little less and work your way up. Standing on the bottom step and letting your heels fall off the end is a very good one. Again, 3 times a day if you can.
    -the recumbent bike was pretty much the only exercise I could do without pain or aggravating it more. Definitely better than nothing!
    -My health insurance paid for my orthotics... they are stupid expensive otherwise... maybe something to look into.

    I absolutely get how frustrated you are right now. It makes me mad just thinking about it! I hope some of these things help.
    3394 days ago
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