Today I woke up with the most severe pain in my right heel. The pain is in the back part of my heel, the very back part of the bottom of my foot. Hurts like hell.
Honestly, I've been having this problem for a while. I've tried everything from rest, to stopping running (yeah, that's been awesome for me...another big fat NO to what Esther can do), stretches. Nothing has helped, but the pain has been manageable - just a slight discomfort. Until this morning when it drove me to tears.
I know I probably have one of those fancy injuries - Plantar Fasciitis or Heel Spurs or something. Fun, right?! And I don't even want to hear the doctor say it. I'm so friggin' angry I might just spit in the doctor's face.
You see, I've dealt with plantar fasciitis before, when I was over 100 pounds heavier. The cause, of course, as told to me, was being overweight. Yay! Chalk another one up for the Causes = Fat column! So what did I do? I took care of it. I lost weight. 115 pounds and counting thus far. And we meet again. I get that I'm STILL fat. I totally get that (if you read my last blog you totally know I get that). But come friggin' ON already! I don't really know how much more of this I can take.
I took every preventative measure I was told to take by every running expert, website, guru, doctor, whoever.
A variety of steps can be taken to avoid heel pain and accompanying afflictions:
•Wear shoes that fit well—front, back, and sides—and have shock-absorbent soles, rigid shanks, and supportive heel counters.
•Wear the proper shoes for each activity.
•Do not wear shoes with excessive wear on heels or soles.
•Prepare properly before exercising. Warm up and do stretching exercises before and after running.
•Pace yourself when you participate in athletic activities.
•Don’t underestimate your body's need for rest and good nutrition.
•If obese, lose weight. "
Thanks so much for that last one, guys. Love that.
I've been VERY careful. I have been fitted for running shoes. I make sure the people there know I have issues with my high arches so they can accommodate that and make sure my foot is fully supported.
I swear to friggin' Pete that if someone puts me into those granny orthopedic shoes I won't come out of my room again.
I know I sound childish, but I don't care. I'm 31. I workout 4-6 times a week for at least 30 minutes. I strength train. I've walked, run, done Zumba, boxed, swam, biked, stair-stepped, ellipticaled, rowed, and circuit trained for over a year now. I give myself rest days. (I feel horribly guilty when I do, but I know they are necessary.) I follow the guidelines and try not to push myself, while still pushing myself enough to get a challenge. I've got the right equipment, I've paid for formal instruction where needed. I've done every damn thing I'm supposed to be doing...and, let me tell you a secret, at least for my life... It's all a load of crap. Sometimes you just get to be that one lucky person. I guess I'm the .1% of this equation. And, in this case, being special isn't a prize (maybe a booby-prize).
Yes, yes. It could be worse. But, seriously!? AGAIN!? I have to go through this AGAIN!?
*bangs head on desk repeatedly*
For those of you reading, this frustration is numero ONE why I set my page to private. I'm not about to be able to motivate anyone to do anything but friggin' give up now before things get worse. Because I followed the rules. I followed the plan. I wasn't perfect, but I forgave myself because I was human. I didn't lose it all super fast. I took it slow and steady. I celebrated the months when I lost inches instead of pounds. Yes, I complained along the way. But I didn't give up. I exercised through the pain, telling myself that stupid quote about how pain is weakness leaving the body. Yeah, not always. Sometimes pain is your body saying OW! OW! PLEASE STOP!! I've rested. I've felt guilty and then told myself to stop the negative thoughts and moved on. Since April 2010, I can tell you matter of factly, there has been only ONE week that I didn't exercise at least one time. AND I did that on purpose - because of these stupid injuries and people arguing with me telling me I was pushing myself too hard. Guess what? That didn't friggin' work either. My body didn't heal in that time. The pain got worse. "If I'm going to hurt either way, I'd rather get something out of it at least," I thought. And I kept going.
Again and again I kept going.
Get back up.
And just kept going. I didn't even take the time to brush the dust out of my hair. I just kept going.
now I'm being punished for that.
Again and again - punished.
The chiro even told me straight up that some of my problems are DUE to me losing a bunch of weight. WTF?! BUT! I did what I was supposed to! Every doctor in my life said every problem was CAUSED by my weight, so I took the hard road and worked to lose it and now you're telling me that doing what they told me to do for years has led me to this road...where I'm in front of another doctor telling me that the solution has become the cause!? WT ever-living F, man?!
I think I've determined that doctors don't know shiz and it's basically a guessing game. And maybe that's why I don't even want to go to the ER to have them x-ray my foot and give me some BS line about how to solve the problem, and I go do that and it causes another friggin' problem.
So, nothing new to report. My foot friggin' hurts. I should probably have crutches right now because the pain in my heel is stupid ridiculous when I try to walk around. But I'm going to do what I've done for over a year now - ignore it and keep doing what I'm doing. Yes, I'll eventually go the doctor - maybe even tomorrow - and find out WTF is up "officially" or whatever. But I don't think it will help much. Ironically, the one thing I'm constantly told (because they love that "you're fat" as a cause for every illness) is to rest, but continue to exercise. Love that line, but every friggin' machine in my gym pains me. Every last one. So I basically go in there and pick my pain every night.
So, yes, right now my page is private. If you hear someone say something about it, they can let me know they want to be added. I just want people to know WTF they're getting into with me right now.
I'm still fighting.
But I friggin' hate it to bits.
And I don't see that changing real soon.
I expected to lose a bunch of friends over this rotten disposition. I totally get it. I can't always read b!tching blogs and then get excited about eating right and exercising. But think of it this way --
If *I* can do it with all the real, actual pain I'm having, WTF is your excuse for not doing it?!
If you're a runner - run one for me. I miss it so terribly (so much so that if I talk about it too much it makes me cry), but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I may not ever be able to really run the way I have wanted to my whole life. Or, at least, I can't right now run at all. So if you're considering NOT running today. Stop chickening out for no reason. Do one for me. Do one single mile for me, because I would LOVE to be out there b!tching my way through it, talking positive talk to myself, telling myself the first 1/4, 1/2, 3/4, 1 mile is the hardest and pushing through to 2, 3, 4, or even 5 miles in the end. I wish I could be there celebrating the dripping sweat following a great run and that immense feeling of pride that comes from knowing you just did what a lot of people are too scared to even try. So, if you're considering bailing - just do one for me.
I'll fight this battle so hopefully you don't have to. And while I'm wincing in pain at the gym, you just remember that every time you have a case of the simple "idunwanna"s and tell yourself to shut it and keep going.
There, does that help?