Revelation? this journey is NEVER done
Thursday, January 19, 2012
i'm so frustrated i could scream!! i thought that visualizing how i wanted to look, educating myself on what is needed to get there, and keeping my house a junk-free zone would steer me in the right direction. sure, it could be worse. i could have a fridge full of soda, chocolate, ice cream, etc. why do i feel such guilt? i feel like while i love and appreciate myself inside and out, THIS is no longer me. ME is my amazing personality, my vibrant smile, my hair. but guess what? i feel stuck in this body. its not that i don't love myself, but we all have that zone that we are disappointed we haven't conquered yet. i want to be toned. i want to have discipline.
I WANT TO GET BACK ON TRACK
I know that its possible, but does anyone else feel like you've left the care of your body alone at the wheel, and perhaps its driven you in an unintended direction? a little bite here and there..... perhaps not so little. i'm really bummed right now.
I KNOW I DESERVE MORE
I deserve to get up and conquer my workouts first thing in the morning, because there is no way I'm going to spend the evenings in the gym after working on the dissertation. I HAVE to put me first. People almost expect you to put on weight trying to finish up your doctorate.
I'm not willing to. I want to feel better. I want to thrive again, and impress myself.
I know I always say I hate food logging. I don't think its about my emotions anymore. I've GOT to keep track of what is going on here. I love the feeling when I am in the gym amazing myself with what I can do. I need to be there regularly.
I can't explain this...but I feel so driven right now to prove to myself that I can be the woman that I envision inside :) Strong, disciplined, etc.
I think its time to start the new vision board :) Please chime in...especially if you are also feeling bummed and would like to help each other DO differently so we can feel better by being better to ourselves!!!