Worst Christmas ever
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
I guess I am wanting to have myself a little pity party and get it over with.
For the 3rd straight year I came down with a stomach bug over the Christmas break. This one kind of lingered for several days.... not a 24 hour one like I had gotten the previous 2 years.
Nothing seemd to turn out the way I imagined it. Our new dogs knocked down our artificial tree about a week before Christmas, breaking the stand and we couldn't find a new one to replace it. So we took it down. The dogs were the boys' gifts (actually our family gift).... but I also bought them a few things during black Friday shopping that they were to consider Christmas gifts. They went shopping with me and picked them out and I just thought it would be "stupid" to wrap them up.... So they didn't have anything to open on Christmas except for a couple of small things from family members. They were fine with that, but without the Christmas tree, presents, etc.... it just didn't feel as magical as it usually does to me. I def. won't do that again. I'd like for everyone to be able to open gifts on Christmas morning.... with a tree. It just feels so special. I was the only one who seemed bothered by this, though. The boys and hubby were fine with it.
My healthy Christmas meal was an epic failure. The Spark recipes turned out fine, but the Hungry Girl ones were horrible. I couldn't even choke down a serving.
Then we went up to see my Mom on Christmas and they said she had been "out" all day.... unable to wake up and even eat. It was so sad for me to see.... He mouth was hanging open and it was just quivering and she couldn't even open her eyes. When I went up to see her today her condition was still the same and the Director of Nursing talked to me about moving her on over to Hospice care in the the next few days if she doesn't improve. She has sores all over her body and honestly I think Hospice would be the best thing for her. Her mind is completley gone... I had talked to her a few days before Christmas and she was totally demented. Even though it is expected and not a shock, this whole situation is just weighing me down. My sister who has medical POA is about to leave on her honeymoon for 2 weeks so hopefully Mom can hang on until she gets back. So stressful in more ways than you can imagine.... She has no life insurance and so who is going to pay for everything when she passes away is going to be a big issue.... And since I am the one here.....
Whatr else???? My back pain has come back with a vengence.... the kind that makes me feel like an invalid.... Sucks....
The gifts I bought for family members all seemd to bomb.... either they already had one, or had one in the past and didn't like it, or they just flat out didn't care for it.... When someone who has never ignored a text or FB message from me in their life suddenly doesn't respond when asked if their package was received then I think I can take a hint. I just found myself very offended that some people couldn't even muster up a "thanks for thinking of me".... If you don't like it, you don't like it.... It would just be nice to know that you appreciate my effort. And I am not really mad about that... maybe a little hurt.... I guess I am just upset with myself for not picking out the greatest gifts. I feel even a little embarrassed.
But instead of saying "screw it".... I decided that this year I am going to remember everybody's birthday this year.. Everybody is going to get a birthday card and a little something.... $10 Starbucks card or itunes. $5 for the nieces and nephews With a little note just saying they are thught of and they are special. Even the family members who are not my favorite, lol... I found some awesome boxed sets of BDay cards at Ross so I won't have to pay $3-$5 for a card. I believe I am set for the whole year. This is helping me take the focus off of "me" and putting it onto others.... something I have been needing to do lately.
Also... I am projecting leave for the week after Thanksgiving for next year. Give myself time to wrap presents, finish up shopping, and get the house decorated in a festive atmosphere. ALso, I want to plan some dates for the family.... do things that we always wanted to do, but just not seem to be able to make it... such as see some shows or visit some exhibits that come around this time of year.
Needless to say my healthy eating habits have tanked.... I am trying to pull myself out of this horrible rut and get myself back on track. I feel so much better mentally and physically when I am on track with my eating. If I can do that, then the other issues going on won't seem so bad.
Sorry for such a downer blog.... I feel like I have been writing a lot of them recently.... I am looking at turning things around this year. Hooray for a new year and a new start!