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Worst Christmas ever

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I guess I am wanting to have myself a little pity party and get it over with.

For the 3rd straight year I came down with a stomach bug over the Christmas break. This one kind of lingered for several days.... not a 24 hour one like I had gotten the previous 2 years.

Nothing seemd to turn out the way I imagined it. Our new dogs knocked down our artificial tree about a week before Christmas, breaking the stand and we couldn't find a new one to replace it. So we took it down. The dogs were the boys' gifts (actually our family gift).... but I also bought them a few things during black Friday shopping that they were to consider Christmas gifts. They went shopping with me and picked them out and I just thought it would be "stupid" to wrap them up.... So they didn't have anything to open on Christmas except for a couple of small things from family members. They were fine with that, but without the Christmas tree, presents, etc.... it just didn't feel as magical as it usually does to me. I def. won't do that again. I'd like for everyone to be able to open gifts on Christmas morning.... with a tree. It just feels so special. I was the only one who seemed bothered by this, though. The boys and hubby were fine with it.

My healthy Christmas meal was an epic failure. The Spark recipes turned out fine, but the Hungry Girl ones were horrible. I couldn't even choke down a serving.

Then we went up to see my Mom on Christmas and they said she had been "out" all day.... unable to wake up and even eat. It was so sad for me to see.... He mouth was hanging open and it was just quivering and she couldn't even open her eyes. When I went up to see her today her condition was still the same and the Director of Nursing talked to me about moving her on over to Hospice care in the the next few days if she doesn't improve. She has sores all over her body and honestly I think Hospice would be the best thing for her. Her mind is completley gone... I had talked to her a few days before Christmas and she was totally demented. Even though it is expected and not a shock, this whole situation is just weighing me down. My sister who has medical POA is about to leave on her honeymoon for 2 weeks so hopefully Mom can hang on until she gets back. So stressful in more ways than you can imagine.... She has no life insurance and so who is going to pay for everything when she passes away is going to be a big issue.... And since I am the one here.....

Whatr else???? My back pain has come back with a vengence.... the kind that makes me feel like an invalid.... Sucks....

The gifts I bought for family members all seemd to bomb.... either they already had one, or had one in the past and didn't like it, or they just flat out didn't care for it.... When someone who has never ignored a text or FB message from me in their life suddenly doesn't respond when asked if their package was received then I think I can take a hint. I just found myself very offended that some people couldn't even muster up a "thanks for thinking of me".... If you don't like it, you don't like it.... It would just be nice to know that you appreciate my effort. And I am not really mad about that... maybe a little hurt.... I guess I am just upset with myself for not picking out the greatest gifts. I feel even a little embarrassed.

But instead of saying "screw it".... I decided that this year I am going to remember everybody's birthday this year.. Everybody is going to get a birthday card and a little something.... $10 Starbucks card or itunes. $5 for the nieces and nephews With a little note just saying they are thught of and they are special. Even the family members who are not my favorite, lol... I found some awesome boxed sets of BDay cards at Ross so I won't have to pay $3-$5 for a card. I believe I am set for the whole year. This is helping me take the focus off of "me" and putting it onto others.... something I have been needing to do lately.

Also... I am projecting leave for the week after Thanksgiving for next year. Give myself time to wrap presents, finish up shopping, and get the house decorated in a festive atmosphere. ALso, I want to plan some dates for the family.... do things that we always wanted to do, but just not seem to be able to make it... such as see some shows or visit some exhibits that come around this time of year.

Needless to say my healthy eating habits have tanked.... I am trying to pull myself out of this horrible rut and get myself back on track. I feel so much better mentally and physically when I am on track with my eating. If I can do that, then the other issues going on won't seem so bad.

Sorry for such a downer blog.... I feel like I have been writing a lot of them recently.... I am looking at turning things around this year. Hooray for a new year and a new start!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Helen, you are SO in my prayers! I'm SO sorry about your mom! I had no idea! PLEASE know that if you need someone to cry to or just talk too, PLEASE call me! I'm always here! I'm struggling with my mom too right now and could cry with ya! :-)

    I'm also sorry about Christmas! It does hurt when things doesn't go as we planned. I remember when we stopped believing in Santa and the entire thing. I remember that magic was gone. I will pray that next year, Christmas will be better for us all! :)

    I do have to chuckle though. We TOO got a puppy! What kind did you all get? We got a Daschund/Jack russell mix. He's adorable and SO sweet. Crazy too because he is just a pupper! But almost trained outside and all. Pretty good for about 8 weeks old!

    Girl, I'm here for ya! HOpe you didn't lose my number! :-) I'm here for you!
    3011 days ago
    We are allowed to write these blogs, it is a healthy way of addressing our problems and feelings.

    You need to give yourself a mani and pedi just for you.

    You have are to be sad, frustrated, irritated..... you have OS MUCH going on it is not funny.

    God Bless for trying to make this Christmas the best you can.

    I love you for trying.
    3014 days ago
    I can imagine the stress of your mom's situation clouds everything else and doesn't help the back pain. Don't worry about the gifts. You thought of those people so you've done your part. I'm not sure I'd send them anything else. emoticon Take care of yourself by eating healthy and exercising even a few minutes a day. emoticon
    3015 days ago
    Bless your heart!! I think we might be in the same spot right now. My father is in the hospital very sick, so I understand your worry over your mother.
    Try to remember that Christmas isn't about the presents or the tree - it's about Christ and what His birth gave to us. Christmas is everyday - God's love for us - our love for our friends and families and the joy that all of that gives us.
    Try to take a little time for yourself - to decompress. Maybe you could call your best friend, have a great lunch together and laugh your selves silly.
    3015 days ago
  • FRECKS96
    *hugs* Helen! I am so sorry that you have so much going on right now. Hopefully you can find some time for you to be able to regroup and focus on some positives. I'm praying for you!
    3015 days ago
  • LIZZYP609
    Everyone needs to vent. If it helps you work through the feelings don't be sorry and don't stop writing them!

    I am sorry about your mother. I am dealing with long term care for my MIL, it is very stressful and sad.

    I think the birthday cards are a great idea! I used to send out cards all the time but my husbands family is really a large family and it was hard to keep up. I do want to re-start that. The box cards are a great idea!

    Please don't' let ungrateful people get you down. You did the best you could at picking out a gift and sending it. It is just rude not to acknowledge that in some way! It isn't you that should feel bad or embarrassed!

    I am with you on this point! Thank God it is almost a new year and a new start!
    3016 days ago
    (((HUGS))) I'm praying for you.
    Exercise will definitely help you deal with the stress & emotions of it all - don't give up your exercise time! You need it and your family needs for you to have it as well!

    Hospice is a real blessing! Hospice does not mean death is imminent... but they can definitely help you through the last days/weeks/months/YEARS...
    3016 days ago
    This is a stressful enough time of the year (the holidays) without all the other things (some major) going on in your life. You have a right to be emotional right now, especially where your mother is concerned, and I'm sure that it magnifies anything else negative that happens even more so.

    I'm sure all the stress of it makes the pain you're experiencing (physical and emotional) even worse. Love yourself and know you're doing and did the best you could this year with all that you are dealing with. Those in your life that love you know that as well.
    3016 days ago
  • JLITT62
    You are under an incredible amount of stress - it's hardly shocking your back is bothering or you're not feeling well. Do something just for yourself - you need it. Whatever it is that makes you smile.

    Remember, holidays really aren't all about the presents; they're about simply enjoying your family.

    Big, big hugs. You WILL get thru this & I promise there will be light on the other side.
    3016 days ago
    emoticon You just keep right on venting. Better to get all that out. I know it all seems so dark and dismal right now but there are sparks of light in there. Give yourself permission to look for the light. Though difficult moving your mom to Hospice gives you access to their staff and the resources they have available to the families they serve. Remember to ask for help. They don't know what to offer if they don't know what you are struggling with. No matter what your Spark family is right here to listen. emoticon emoticon
    3016 days ago
    So sorry for all the bad stuff that happened, and that's what your blog is for, to speak your mind about anything YOU want to say.
    About the gifts, not sure if it helps, but some people are just not good about giving or receiving gifts, not their love language. Some will show appreciation in other ways like spending time in person or on the phone, giving a hug, some are just overwhelmed with life. Make sure you give yourself a BIG gift, taking care of yourself, time for yourself, healthy food, time off. You are worth it. emoticon emoticon
    3016 days ago
    BLPG IT OUT BABY! Anyone would be sad in your circumstances. Also, many of us have made choices we wish were different abut food, especially when stressed. Be kind to yourself. I will think of you. Peace Mary
    3016 days ago
  • SUE-M-C
    I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time. We had the same situation with my Mom in June and I know how sad it is is to see her the way she is. When my mother was sent for hospice care the staff was wonderful. They took fantastic care of her, spent time talking to and comforting her, and made sure that she was comfortable and pain free. They were also very good with our family, explaining everything that was being done for my mother, explaining what was going on with her physically, making suggestions on how to act around her, and offering comfort to us. They helped make a difficult time a little easier for us all.

    I'm sending my prayers to you, your Mom, and to your family.

    3016 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10081037
    Don't feel bad about being down, realizing it is half the solution, the rest will fll into place.
    You are doing real good!!
    3016 days ago
    I think you are doing the right thing by blogging it all out...it will help you feel better! And you do have a lot on your plate right now, especially with your mom.

    I think your idea of remembering everyone's birthday is a very loving gesture that will be appreciated very much.

    Hang in there, dear. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

    3016 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9394210
    Don't feel bad for the downer blog.
    You have a lot of negative in your life right now and it's ok to feel down.
    It's better to write about your feelings then to eat them in!
    You're doing great!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3016 days ago
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