Argh!!!! Gonna make it thru the holidys!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
YES I am.... Failure is not an option. I took on this 6 week challenge specifically to get me thru the holidays and I am going to stick to it.
Yesterday at work, a parent dropped off a bag of holiday goodies for each of us... PEANUT BUTTER BALLS! And oatmeal choc. chip cookies. OMG! I MADE a coworker take mine home with her. Then today my supervisor gave me a tin of homemade goodies... smells like butterschotch and peanut butter and looks like there are some pretzels in them. It looks so good, but I keep reminding myself that if I even have 1, or even 1 bite of one I will not be satisfied... I will not be satisfied until I eat the entire tin of them which will make me feel physically sick and emotionally sick. NOT going to touch them. Just because it is the holidays, that is NOT an excuse for me to eat myself sick.
I think I am feeling a little weak because all week long I have been weighing the same.... 139.8. That is the same I weighed last Wed. when I went to weigh in for my challenge. I KNOW I need to let it roll off and stay off the scale, because what is important is that I have stayed between 1200-1400 calories and have not binged since the week before I started this challenge. But those nasty, awful thoughts are popping into my head---- "SEE??? You are not losing anything! GO on and pig out until after the holidays!" MUST combat those thoughts!
I was feeling so skinny today.... My 9/10 Maurice jeans were feeling so big on me and I pulled down one of my favorite t-shirts that I had put up (when I had put on those 15 lbs in 6 weeks- eek!) that is form fitting to wear to work today. I felt great. I am focusing on this feeling and reminding myself that I will not feel this way if I attack the Christmas goodies. This week is going to be so hard as they are going to be yummy treats everywhere I turn around.... especially the parties and get- togethers still ahead. I am remembering my challenge (2nd weigh in tomorrow!) and how important it is for me to finish.
My Mom is being transferred back to her nursing home today. They really missed her and are eager to get her back. This kind of surprised me because she is so high maintenence due to her weight, now with her injury it is going to be multiplied. But they really want her to come back and have assured us that they are fully eqipped to deal with her---- they talked with the Dr. about what type of care she is going to need and they feel equipped to deal with her.
I am so glad because she was completley demented up there in the hospital. Some of it was funny (what the nurses call pleasantly confused) but some of it was horrifying! She was telling me she was going to kill me and my children! She had started showing small signs of dementia or Alzheimers that came and went before she had her accident, but from what the Dr's are telling us, this kind of trauma, plus being in a brand new environment, can trigger it full force! We have been assured that getting her back to her room and her bed and her normal surroundings SHOULD snap her back to reality. I'll take even a little bit. That's been the hardest part for me... seeing her so out of it mentally. Like she is possessed or something.
OK... off to the gym!!!!! Gotta be selfish and put myself first. TO heck with a clean house, lol...