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Saying "No" to Crash Diets and Negativity

Monday, November 28, 2011

Disclaimer: This is not an anti-gain train blog, so there are NOT questions for you to answer. (How funny is this that I need to remember to put a disclaimer on general blogs? Love it :P)

I just read a blog about the HCG diet, which is restrictive to 500 calories a day, so pill/tongue thing to suppress the appetite, and no working out. No, the sparker is not on this diet, but has a friend who is and is creeped out.

But this got me thinking. I had heard about this particular diet a long while back from another sparker who WAS trying it (and got reamed pretty heavily for it too, might I add). I looked it up, researched it, even thought about it. Yes, I admit it. For a while there, I was one of "those" people who thought about a crash diet or a "Master Cleanse" type thing, anything to drop weight quickly, just so I could be a little bit skinnier. 20 pounds in no time flat? Score!

And now I am in a healthier place, both physically and mentally. Physically speaking, I am losing weight. Not very fast at all, but that's ok. I'm learning to make appropriate and healthy changes so I can keep this up for my life, versus just the right now.

Mentally was the issue. In some ways it still is, but not to the extent that it was when I was considering one of these asinine diets. How desperate was I? There's wanting to lose weight to be healthy, which has always been my goal, and wanting to be skinny. When did it stop being healthy and start being skinny, even if for just a little while? I didn't think about it then, I didn't think about these connections then. I just thought about wanting to be skinny.

Let me point one thing out - I'm built like a linebacker. No, seriously. I'm built like my dad, who was a linebacker. Har har har. When I was at the lowest weight I've been since elementary school, I was a size 12 up top in the shoulders and a size 6/8 below. Huge discrepancy, simply because I'm so built. So "skinny" is not something that will ever happen for me. Forget the big boned crap, that's just an excuse. I can be fit as all get out, I can be slim, but skinny? Not a rat's chance in hades.

That being said, I still thought about it. I believe in being utterly honest, especially here. I'm well aware that some people might want to slap me upside the head for ever even thinking about it, but so be it. Not just thought about it, but seriously thought about it.

I wanted to be like M (the ex). I wanted to be like his family. All lanky and skinny. All of his ex's were 100 pounds wet, and then there was me. He never knew me at less than 200 pounds. I just wanted a chance to show him/them that I was capable of being "skinny". Stupid, I know. I don't think I ever realize just how badly I thought of myself or how badly I wanted that kind of attention from him/them. He would so often want to do active things and I'd try, but I wasn't very fast and he'd get frustrated with me. I'd be embarrassed to wear certain clothes. He had pictures up on his facebook of his most recent ex before me, where he was lifting her up. I could never be her if I was fat, so in my head I needed to not be fat. Might I mention there was NEVER a picture, anywhere, of me? He would talk about how he missed "talking" to his exes and I took that as a complaint against me, mainly because they got to meet his friends and I never did. He would say things about me looking good, but I needed to keep it up. So the compliments were always somehow couched. I'd HEAR the compliment, but took to heart the insult. Twisted.

It was a downward spiral. A really negative one. I managed to pull myself out of it with only a year and a half down the tubes. I didn't pull myself out for these reasons though. I didn't realize some of these things until now, in my quest to come to terms with the person I was during that relationship, so I never have the misfortune of being her again. Bring forward the good stuff, leave behind the bad. I was desperate, sad, and felt really quite horribly about myself on a fairly frequent basis. Everything I did was never quite good enough for myself. Something I still have issues with, where I'm never quite good enough for my own standards.

Something I'll need to ensure as I move forward is to ask myself why I'm doing something related to my health, i.e. what are my reasons for it? Is it to actually be healthier or is it for another reason that may or may not be a positive one? This isn't for or about anyone else, nor should it be. I may want to be healthy going into a pregnancy someday, I may want to be a healthy mother and wife someday, someday, someday, someday. This is the here and the now. This is no longer about the someday, because that is not, nor has not been, working for me. This is about NOW and the decisions I make for ME. And those decisions need to be strong and for a positive purpose, decisions that will ultimately help lead to those goals outlined above.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GRANDMABEAST63
    Great blog and awesome replies....of course in some ways we all wish for a quick fix. Unfortunately, could you seriously live on 500 calories a day ! Seriously, I do not admire the ones that do follow that diet (yep it's diet because you are deprived in a major way).

    You are stronger than before and you will keep it up, no man will ever treat you like that again:). emoticon
    3102 days ago
  • BADASSBLONDIE
    I would be the last person in the world to slap you over those feelings. Hell, I acted on them way back when. When I gained weight at the end of HS and went from athletic/fit/healthy to overweight, I stopped eating and started overexercising. I ate less than 400 calories every day and worked out to at least 600, so I'd have negative calories overall (not even factoring in BMI). I dropped the weight and got a LOT of compliments from my b/f and his family (not that any of them thought that I was fat, just that they were happy for me). I'd end up minorly binging at their house and they'd joke about it and had no idea that I'd be eating so much b/c I hadn't eaten more than 500 calories in a week. I had a close group of online friends who also didn't eat and it was this weirdly supportive environment where we all *wanted* each other to get better (not be unhealthily restricting), genuineally, but were there for each other offering support and encouragement over whatever we chose. When I started eating again (mid Sophomore year of college) I left them and said my goodbyes. I wonder how they all are now.

    So, with all that being said, I can not blame you at ALL for having thought about those sorts of diets, or acting on them. And that's what makes me so p1ssed about the HcG diet. B/c it's used by women (and some men) who are not in a healthy mindset (b/c if you were, you'd see that it is total crap) and it's f8cking prescribed by idiotic doctors looking to make a buck rather than actually HELP their patients.

    M is a f8cking pr1ck. All of his comments were backhanded compliments (is that the term? for when you compliment someone but insult them at the same time?) and IMO he was never truly supportive of you or your weight loss efforts. That isn't to say that he didn't support the idea of you losing weight. Rather, he wasn't *supportive* over the struggles it would take. B/c he doesn't get it. And doesn't think about anyone but himself.

    But please know you are not the first woman who's been with a guy who's a complete d1ck. And in the future, I know you'll pick a good guy. You'll get there b/c you're awesome and someone will see that and love YOU (and also be pretty into your sexy-ness, but more importantly love YOU). Mike is that person for me (he was there from when I wasn't eating and at 130 lbs all through the 60 lb gain that lead me here) and I know you will find that person for you. And he'll deserve all the sexiness you are and that you will become.

    *hugshard*
    3102 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1299585
    I've thought about it too - especially when I was working my butt off and a friend of mine did the diet and lost more weight than I did in a shorter amount of time. She gained it back though. That is what happens when you start eating again. I'm with you - we will make positive changes in our lives doing it the right way.
    3102 days ago
  • CHICKENCHASER78
    Awesome blog. I have heard of that diet also and even looked up some info on it. There are times many of us, maybe even all of us, have wanted to do it the quick way just to get it done. Thankfully we are all here now knowing fast isn't the best way to go and health is sooo much more important.
    3102 days ago
  • WE_PA_FIT
    I too researched that crazy diet, and others, and thought about it for a second. I think most of us have. It's the instant gratification vs delayed gratification....We want it NOW! But we know what comes easily and quickly only goes away just as easily and quickly. The hard way ain't easy! But that effort, determination and resilience is what makes it's all the more WORTH IT. Those are some profound thoughts and realizations there. That alone takes courage. Kudos to you!!
    3102 days ago
  • UVAGRL928
    I feel like I could have written this blog (or most of your blogs- just not with your humor). I've done so many of those crazy diets out there, when I joined Spark my attitude about weight loss changed- I began to echo what everyone else was saying about it being a lifestyle change, not a diet. The one thing that I really love about this detox is that I am still eating tons of food (actually, I am eating WAY more than I usually do, it's just healthier). I really needed something to help reset my eating habits since I had been grabbing fast food almost everyday the past few weeks. The first three days were really tough (but I was at home and could relax as my body went into shock, and I had to run to the bathroom like five million times a day), but yesterday since I was back at school, it was much easier. I was so busy I wasn't thinking about eating all day.
    3102 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7711146
    I always love your honesty, Morgan. You are on track to getting where you want to be, keep it up. :)
    3103 days ago
  • LORIENABANANA
    Thank you for posting this blog! It made me think...and it made me feel good! Many of your statements echo what I have been thinking about lately.

    In a nutshell...I'm coming to realize that I have NOT always had a healthy attitude about food/fitness/me. I HAVE tried some super silly (if not downright harmful) diets in the past! I also have some NFL DNA (yes, it's not as pretty in females as in males, but we can still be pretty darn hot!).

    I've also come to realize, as it sounds that you have, that much of my weirdness about food has been related to not accepting myself. And, like you, much of this non-acceptance seems to stem from my ACTUALLY BELIEVING the opinions of some stupid (or at the very least short-sighted) men.

    The more I learn to trust myself, nurture myself, and believe in myself....the more automatic fitness becomes.

    I LOVED reading your blog because it sounds like we're heading down the same road. Be GOOD to yourself and the fitness will follow!!
    3103 days ago
  • RUNNINGOLLIE
    Great blog! I think at some point we all wish it was easier and we could just get the weight off but in the end maybe every pound that comes off takes it's time to reinforce our commitment to ourselves- and so that we don't forget how hard it will be the next time around if the weight comes back.... emoticon
    3103 days ago
  • BALANCEDLIFE4ME
    Yay! Doing this for the right reasons will help you stick to it. You're rocking it! emoticon
    3103 days ago
  • PURPLEVALENTINE
    Love this! Glad you are on the right track and you know I will be there rooting you on along the way! emoticon
    3103 days ago
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