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Holiday Loss - Not talking About Weight

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

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I think the holidays are bittersweet for most people who have been around long enough to lose someone special. In our house it's my Mom. We have lost other family members but somehow the holidays are linked to my Mother.
My Mother was born on Thanksgiving so in our house it was a extra special day. All the relatives would make the long (80 minute) drive from "the city" to" the country" where my parents had moved. I hold many fond memories of those special Thanksgivings. The year Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer she missed Thanksgiving as she was recovering from her surgery. She lost her fight a few years later on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve had always been special since my Mom was a night nurse, Santa would always come before 11pm when she had to leave for work. She knew one of her 7 children would be unable to wait for her to get home from work in the morning and she didn't want to miss a minute of our joy.
I don't often share this story since to me it seems too terrible to believe. Plus I don't want to ruin anyone else s holidays. As the oldest, and now Matriarch of my family I have tried to keep the holidays happy. My youngest sister who was 10 when Mom died seemed to appreciate the approach. Now we celebrate the holidays at her house as she has the youngest child. My middle sisters really have a hard time when it comes to the holidays. I try to be all things to all people, letting them express their feelings to me pre holiday in the hopes that we can keep things positive for the actual celebrations. This year I am not doing so well with the balance. Almost had my first panic attack on the way to work yesterday.
So to all of you who are thinking back to those who will not be with you this holiday, I share your pain. My heart goes out to those of you who are spending your first holiday season without them. I believe we honor them best by taking good care of ourselves and feeling the joy that comes with living. So although it will be bittersweet, I wish you all a good and peaceful holiday season.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so sorry you lost your mom. It's never easy, no matter how old you are, to lose a parent. This past holiday season was the first for my husband without both of his parents. His dad died in July of 2010 and his mom died on Mother's Day of 2011. We did something completely different for our Christmas this year because my hubby didn't want to be home where he felt he would think sad thoughts about the wonderful Christmas celebrations his mother would put together. I'm not looking forward to Mother's Day (what an awful day on which to die; any holiday is) because I don't know how well my husband will hold up.

    So glad we have loving and warm memories of our family members who are no longer with us.

    3482 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8603687
    I am sorry for your loss,my Mom passed in 2006 and just recently my step mom passed.We hold dear the cherished memories with our loved ones who won't be here to celebrate the Holidays with us.They are dearly missed and loved.God Bless you and thank for sharing your heartfelt bittersweet story,many can relate and empathize with you. emoticon emoticon Diana emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3501 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/23/2011 7:13:53 PM
  • EM1388
    I'm sorry to hear about your loss and how it is rough around the holidays! Make sure to make time for yourself and let yourself think about the happy memories and even grieve some when YOU need, not just your family! I know when my family gets together we tell a bunch of happy stories about my grandma (some I was really suprised to hear!) and it helps us get through it and even enjoy the holidays!
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10490431
    emoticon my warmest regards to you and your family. Memories are forever and the loss will always be there but other things will come that will bring new joys. She is looking down on you and your family and smiling from heaven I am sure. Keep your spirit strong in honor of her memory and take care of your heart and the rest of the family will surely follow. emoticon
    3528 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7770942
    Thank you for sharing your beautiful, special story.
    It troubles me the "all things to all people" part...I am a people pleaser and it is a terrible strain sometimes. Do know you are important, your feelings are important, and your loved ones want the best for you too.
    I hope you had a special holiday.
    3528 days ago
    I am sorry for your loss. It is very hard to lose a parent. I really hate cancer. There was a study a few years a go about night shift women having an increase risk of breast cancer. I have a colleague who worked nights foir many years who also got breast cancer.
    3529 days ago
    emoticon I'm going through the first holidays without my dad this year.
    3531 days ago
    you really said it all, thanks for understanding. it is hard when things change & traditions shift, but it's all part of our journey of strength. thinking of you and yours, hope it's a great day with a few laughs and lots of love.
    3531 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I also lost my mother to breast cancer....it is sad to see the empty chairs on the holidays! emoticon
    3531 days ago
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