Saturday, November 19, 2011
I went for four months and five days without doing any "emotional eating." I never for a moment thought that I had vanquished emotional eating, but I was starting to believe that feeling good and losing weight was powerful enough to trump the impulse for "emotional eating."
Today was rough. Very rough. It could have been worse, but I realize that the depression with which I have been struggling is a tenacious and powerful one.
It returned--the irrational need to stuff my face with junk food. It returned--the love of salty snacks and the love of sweet ones. I even went out to the store and got some undesirable food. I felt intent and intense and there was also a part of me observing myself. I felt like a drug addicting in the throes of a really bad Jones.
I must learn how to cope better. The fundamental cause of my depression will not go away. It's not trivial.
I recall viscerally and powerfully the magical medical qualities of food. Right now I feel stuffed and unhappy. I hope to get through another day without surrendering to the allure of junk food.