Friday, October 28, 2011
I know I've used this blog to get the diurnal complaints out of my system, but I also want to reflect on what this site, Spark People has given me.
It's been 25 years since I've started struggling with obesity. I tried every popular diet and they did not work--not, perhaps, because of flaws in the diet (though some were rather crazy) but because I looked for every excuse to break the diet. Oh, is it the Queen of England's birthday? I'd best get a tea cake! What would Julia Child think if I didn't make and consume a fruit cake this winter? Shakespeare's birthday? Better go out to eat. My candidate lost the election? I better medicate myself with a therapeutic pint of Ben and Jerry's. My candidate won the election? What better way to celebrate than with food.
I tenaciously clung to every bogus excuse to gorge myself like a dog shaking a bone.
Exercise? Well, I can't exercise today because I exercised last week. Today is Wordsworth's birthday and he would want me to spend it in calm tranquility. What if I get shin splints? What if it rains? What if I have a heart attack?
I have been quite Jesuitical in the pursuit of justifications, defenses, excuses.
Somehow I saw the Spark! My mind no longer roves around the planet looking for excuses to overeat. I take exercise seriously and would accept very few excuses to avoid it. I track everything I eat. And it's becoming second nature to me.
I am very grateful that a lifetime of excuse-finding and excuse-making seems to have disappeared. It's been almost 4 months since I persuaded myself that just because I was in Scotland I had an obligation to stuff myself with Cullin Skink and Tatties and Neaps and Cranachan and Drambuie. Just because one is in the United Kingdom daily cakes and ale and cream teas are not an obligation!
I find myself incredulous that I could have spent so much time mainstreaming sugar and meats and justified it all in a cloak of ludicrous mitigating excuses.
Routine overeating and excessive sweets are no palliatives; they are a symptom of deeply distressed and wounded thinking. I hope that the next time I am lucky enough to have a holiday the destination will not be the food, but rather the landscape and the art and the sense of being someplace new. Yes, life can be good---even better---without defining everything through the lens of food.
Thank you, Spark People!