Yesterday wasn't one of my best days, emotionally speaking. I woke up feeling so frustrated with myself. My DH is pretty good at sensing when something is bothering me and he tries his best to make it better. However, yesterday I wouldn't discuss what was wrong with me because it's my personal struggle that I choose not to share with him anymore. If you remember in a previous blog when I called him a hypocrite and a liar, you'll know why I didn't tell him why I was in such a state. Now you can add "jerk" to the list of names that I'm giving him.
So, he did what he could to try to make it better and took me to the mall. He knows that I love shopping and he offered to treat me to ice cream, my ultimate weakness above all else.
Well, you know when you go to the mall and the health stores have that obnoxious machine that says, "Have you checked your weight today?" as you walk by. I jokingly said, or maybe not so jokingly, "I hate that machine and I want to kick it over." Do you know what my hubby said? That machine doesn't bother me because "I" don't have anything to worry about. Emphasis on "I".
I reeled back like I'd just been slapped. He couldn't understand what he said wrong so I kindly repeated what he said in the same tone he said it. And he didn't apologize. I would have accepted it if he said, "You know what? That came out wrong." But he didn't.
One thing I have to say positively about myself. I can get knocked down but I will NEVER stay down. He just gave me the final push that I needed to stop playing around. I will forever play yesterday's scene in my mind. Oh I forgive him because if I don't, I'm just hurting myself. But I will NEVER forget.
So...last night, as I played that scene over in my mind, I went online and found out when the next Weight Watchers meeting was starting. It didn't start until 7pm. My wind down, get ready for bed time. But you know what? I carried my tired behind out there to the meeting anyway. I rejoined and it felt good. The scale at the meeting was a few pounds over what mine says at home, so I readjusted my weight tracker. No sense in playing games.
I can and I WILL do this!
And by-the-way...I refused the ice cream.