I'm tired of it...
Monday, October 24, 2011
Here I go again. Up 2 lbs.
I'm so tired of being on this roller coaster ride. Up 2 lbs one week. Down 2 lbs the next. Honestly, I have been gaining and losing the same freakin 2 lbs since Easter.
I'm tired of being tired. I have Lupus and the fatigue is constant. If I workout hard, I don't have the energy to take care of my family. If I don't workout hard, I'm not taking care of myself.
I'm tired of being heavier than everyone in my immediate family. I live with 4 grown men and I'm only 5'4". REALLY?
I'm tired of worrying everyday about counting calories and exercising. I know the importance of this but jeesh do I honestly have to live, eat and breathe this every second of every day for the rest of my life?
I'm tired of considering going back to Weight Watchers. I've been flipping and flopping over this idea for months. I'm very frugal and I hate paying someone else to tell me what I already know. It worked while I was doing it, so if I have to pay someone to weigh my fat *ss every week, so be it.
I'm tired of wearing the same clothes. I refuse to reward myself by buying new clothes in the same size. If I lose weight, I'll reward myself by buying something I deserve. Not a second before.
Maybe I needed to get to this point in my journey to make a change. Before I would say, "It's not that bad. I can deal with this a day at a time." Well, you know what? It is that bad. It's worse than bad. And I'm tired of it.