"I just wish you would have enjoyed it more!" Justducky1405 AKA Kendra (one of my longest and best supporter on Spark)
It probably doesn't seem like such a huge thing to say, but for me it was that
that I hadn't realized while I was out last night.
I don't usually go out on Friday nights anymore because lately I haven't been working Thursdays or Fridays. But my boss was out of town and I worked Friday by myself. The day had been especially busy, a lot of people complaining about their bills, not enough money to pay them, angry about their insurance rates, etc.
When I got home, there was plenty of time to take the dogs for a nice long walk, which is what we did. There was a gorgeous sunset and I was really enjoying the night. So when my other half asked if I wanted to go out for dinner, I kind of hummed and hawed. I knew that if I went out, I would have a difficult time keeping my calories under control. I had a good dinner planned to make, but being tired, and relaxed, I thought, OK, why not.
I had never been to the place where we went for dinner. It is a small, sandwich type shop that has soup, sandwich, salad type menu. I just wasn't in the mood for a soup (clam chowder or chili). I didn't feel like salad would be enough protein. So I choose the most greasiest, oiliest sandwich on the menu and got onion rings as a side.
Now how did that comment become the AH HA moment for me? I realize now that what I ordered was really self sabotaging. I had a ton of excellent choices on the menu. My friend suggested a salad and made a comment like... there isn't anything on this menu you can eat. At that moment my brain became a 2 year old and I rebelled and said, I can eat anything on this menu I want. So doing the passive/aggressive thing, I ordered the most fattening thing on the menu and got it with fried onion rings on the side. The onion rings came with a dipping sauce that was also nothing but fat. So there you have it. I am not proud to say it, but it is true. My 2 year old rebellious child went out to dinner and made rotten choices for my grown up body. And in the end, I didn't enjoy it at all. Even after I got home I continued to rebel by eating a huge piece of banana bread, and 6 small chocolate candy bars that are put away for Halloween.
So in my anger I wrote all of this down in CAPITOL LETTERS. Wow, I didn't even realize how mad I really felt. Looking at it this morning, I can see all the anger in my statements. Now I am beginning to feel really happy about the whole thing. It is an eye opening moment for me. I have made a great plan for today and it is the plan that I would have had for any Saturday. So back to being an adult and leave the 2 year old on back on Friday night. She had her tantrum and now the adult is back in my body.