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Thank You

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Thank you, everybody for your support. When I blogged last night, I was just pounding out what I was feeling, trying to make sense of it, recover from the shock and I guess work through the emotions. I am so thankful for all of my friends (Spark and personal) that have been there to support me. I do feel like I should apologize. I perhaps should have written out my feeling in a journal rather than a blog. I was sad and quite honestly a little angry, but I did not expect the outpouring of support and prayers from everyone. Thank you again.

A little background:
My family on my dad's side is HUGE (and that's an understatement). My cousin and I were alike in many ways in that we didn't fit in with the rest, so we always hung back. We didn't get to see too much of each other because we lived so far away, but we still had much in common.

When I heard my uncle had passed, I was sad, but really more so for my cousin. My uncle had lived in the nursing home for a couple of years now and had Parkinson's and some minor memory issues. He lived a full life and did everything (from being a firefighter to a lumberjack...really)! My aunt had passed away about ten years ago and I took comfort in knowing that they were together. Apparently, my uncle was recently diagnosed with lymphoma (in his shoulder? I'm getting this third hand) and had some surgery last week. Since the surgery, he just wasn't himself. He hadn't talked much (not like him at all) and he didn't eat much either.

As the afternoon had passed yesterday, my mom didn't know that my brother had contacted me about my uncle and at that point my cousin had passed away as well, so she texted me about them both. I had a meeting and noticed the text just before walking into the building. So, I read the text only to find out about my cousin then. I walked into the building and lost it. Fortunately, nobody else was there. A bit later, my friend Gabby walked in with her dog...it's amazing the comfort that a wet nose can provide. Gabby noticed my now poorly done make-up and asked what was up....lost it again. She had nothing to say, she just hugged me and it meant so much. (Note to self: need to write a thank you card)

My cousin was diagnosed with stage four cancer a couple of years back. He was very secretive about it and really the only reason the family ever learned of it was because a nurse that was working with him was good friends with another cousin and she mentioned it (oops, so much for HIPPA). He had gone through several successful treatments, limiting his cancer to one source (rather than four). So I guess that I shouldn't be shocked to learn that he had moved into a nursing home without telling me. He moved there for hospice three weeks back...he never said anything (email has been our primary form of communication). My little brother said that my cousin became inactive on FaceBook about four days ago, which wasn't unusual when he was trying new treatments, so my brother didn't think too much of it. I don't FB, so I really can't analyze too much.

So I've been in shock, been sad, angry...all the good stages. DH was simply upset with my family (really angry at my mom) because "why would she TEXT that" info, rather than call. In turn, I was then angry with DH for being mad at my mom. Oh the emotions that can fly in one day!!

Honestly, I think I am handling this well...it was just the initial shock. I did sleep some last night and managed to avoid any emotional eating. I did get a run in tonight, but not the big run I usually do on Wednesdays; my heart wasn't in it and my running partner is out of town (USDAA Nationals, Agility).

It sounds like it will be a double funeral and my brother was asked to be a pallbearer. Unfortunately, my father will not be able to make the trip because of the distance and the need for him to keep his leg iced and elevated. DH might hang out with my dad while the rest of us are at the funeral.

But I want to thank everyone for their support, prayers, SparkGoodies and positives. It really means a lot...especially when I was just pounding, not figuring too many people would actually read it. Thank you.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yeah...what they said!
    Never apologize for letting your emotions speak for you. That's where you find out what it is you're needing to work through.

    Rest. Remember. Heal.
    3531 days ago
    Spark people is the best place to blog and and be able to vent whatever you are going through! SP have been there and still are, no matter what happens in my life. Everyone here is so positive and encouraging. I have never had someone be judgemental or negative to me in any way. SP is the best:)
    3533 days ago
    It's sad your cousin didn't share his worsening condition - my Mom was like that, didn't want anyone to know she was terminally ill. Maybe he's been "hanging around" to be here for his Dad; then, when his father passed, he could let go of this life and go on to the next. emoticon

    I've written from my heart in my journal, with the feelings pouring out uncensored; sometimes the words are just right for a blog, even with the raw emotions. Spark is a place we can express ourselves, and receive support and comfort, not judgment. You all are in my prayers~ emoticon

    3534 days ago
    Sparkpeople is a great place to vent. Everyone is supportive and there are no repercussions - so vent away! I agree about the dogs. When I'm really upset like that, I really have no desire what-so-ever to be around people. I just want a good cuddle with a warm furry body and maybe a kiss or two from a big wet tongue! It's really too bad that we don't live near each other (I don't think we do?), because I think you and I would be ....what would you call it....I don't want to say 'real' friends, because I think we already are that....more than E-friends? In person friends? Anyway, I think you know what I mean.

    3535 days ago
    Families . . . gotta love 'em . . . eh! So sorry! You do not have to apologize for venting. Lordy, you had a shock! You were angry (and I totally get that! That's how I felt when my brother died! We were like 2 peas in a pod alike whereas I was/am totally different from the rest of my family too.) Anyhoo . . . glad you're working through things. Allow yourself to grieve! I just hate it in this society where there seems to be "rules" for grieving. Not so!

    HUGS to you.
    3535 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    No need for apologies about sharing.
    You are even a role model now for right choices (running instead of eating) emoticon
    I encourage yourself to take a little time each day and share some love, get some love, and most of all love and care for yourself.
    You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers emoticon
    3535 days ago
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