back to basics....and I'm sure other ramblings too!
Sunday, October 02, 2011
First.. I do tend to ramble in my blogs... you've been warned!!!!
I realize I need to get back to basics which for me is tracking my food intake and my calories burned. This will focus me - I'm sure it will enlighten me too ....maybe I'm eating more than I think or exercising less than I imagine...what a surprise!!! I'm too sure this is the case but I want to deceive myself into thinking that my clothes shrink in the closet at night while I'm sleeping.(not laughing here as this is not funny to me- well it sorta is..lol) I worked so hard to lose the weight but yet I'm watching it creep back up and I'm not putting my "full" effort into preventing that from happening. WHY? I keep thinking of excuses... my first being that I thought when I got slim my life would change - this was a subconscious thought that i now realize is sooo not true!!! I'm still the same person... and I love me....took me a long time to be able to say that and post it here but I do love me.
My personality can be (going to use my daughter's words here) Overwhelming. I'm a strong, individual WOMAN! and I'm proud of that...but it scares men... hell, it scares women too....lol. so , and here is where I ramble, maybe I allow myself to be overweight because I'm not such a threat then. I admit I've been treated differently when I was overweight and now that I am thinner I'm treated a bit differently....(the verdict is still out on the guys... they look at me but don't approach.... WTF is wrong with me?...opps... I'm too strong a personality and I SCARE them ..my daughter and others take on it. Anyway, that is NOT important. What is important is that I, ME, feel good about myself....and feel healthy. I just wish that all the life problems would slow down and not hit me all at once. I feel like I finally come up for air and another "event" shows itself...
(sidebar.... I'm practically living paycheck to paycheck... was doing good then Irene caused damage to my home and on top of that I had some major car repairs....ok, I dealt and moved on - did without a lot cause I couldn't afford but it's ok). Last Friday was my payday.... I have automatic deductions taken from my account...like my mortgage... and to my surprise... Friday comes....no auto deposit to my account....Where is my money? I don't need this stress. But.... to be positive... I did some home repairs today (give me a hammer, nails and duct tape and I'll fix anything...lool.) and I still managed to have some "girl" time with my daughter and some ME time. I do need to get me some power tools and a 10 foot ladder... hey...keeps me from depending on a MAN to do things for me. I'm capable (not always wanting to do things but just knowing I can is empowering)... and, a joke at my house between me and my daughter (shan).... we are flexing our chesticles! I'm proud of her cause she wants to learn how to do things. You need to be able to rely on YOU sometimes (especially when you are on a tight budget and can't afford to pay for help...lol). But the feeling we get when we do things that are not considered to be "girlie"..... love the feeling but, admittedly I usually dress in lace and frills the next day so I feel feminine....lolol
So.... the MAJOR point of my blog, before I rambled off topic, is that I HAVE to get back to basics....that is if I am truly committed to losing weight and continuing with my healthy lifestyle choice. And you know what? I AM!! I WANT to be healthy. I WANT to be thin. I WANT to have more energy. I WANT to eat good, healthy, simple foods. I WANT to exercise because it makes me feel alive. I WANT to have a life and I WANT it to be a long, productive, full of adventure, compassionate, loving, energetic life!!! I WANT it and I WILL do what I can to make it so. I have choices to make every minute, hour, day. I'm going to make good choices for ME. And I want to be there for my friends. You have been there for me and I'm so blessed!
Let's have a great week!!!