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It feels good to be happy again!

Friday, September 30, 2011

While many probably don't know, this year has been an incredible struggle for me in terms of work and my personal life. Because of the way I was treated at work and how it took over my life and carried into my personal life, I felt like everyone had turned their back on me. I'm willing to admit now that after a friend let me down, I gave up on everyone. Then I thought work started to get better and I had some personal problems come up and I slowly started letting people back in because I could not fix my issues alone and I needed people to remind I wasn't crazy and not to give up.
Progressing to July, my personal problem was resolved finally and I believed that I could become myself again. Drop the 30lbs I gained from becoming depressed, go back to working out, get a new job and all would be lovely. Well I still need to lose the 15lbs I've gained from this year, I still have the same job, but NOTHING else is the same!
Earlier this month I finally took that first step and hoped on my elliptical! It was hard, I didn't want to do it, I made tons of excuses, day after day. I thought the first day was the hardest, but is was the second week when I was tired, the third week when I had problems coming up that I had to deal with, and now the fourth week...the week it changed.
I've noticed that I don't despise the people at my work so much, I don't sit and cry at my desk all the time, I truly don't care when people complain to me about my boss, and I don't take work home with me. What's changed? ME!
I do the things I want, I workout in the mornings AND at night, I walk during lunch, take the stairs and meet my friend at my office while she takes the elevator, I drink water, watch my calories, sleep well and at night instead of all the time lol! For the first time, probably ever, I told a friend that I didn't want to go to lunch with them it was at 2 places I didn't like and are more money than I wanted to spend today, I was surprised at myself because I don't get to see him often. I've managed to ignore someone (that I should) even though I learned I hurt their feelings because what about what I feel!
Tonight I went to taekwondo, I have a promotion test in 2 weeks for my brown belt and we video tape ourselves so we can identify our own improvements. No, it wasn't great, but I know what to look for and I know what I want to change. I left class at 930 (class officially ends at 8 BTW) and I had so much FUN and I was happy when I left. It's the first time this year I've been able to say that:

I AM HAPPY and it feels good!

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