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Am I a horrible person?

Monday, September 26, 2011

WARNING: This is a vent. If you don't want to read it please move on. I try to keep my blogs positive because I want my journey to be a positive one. But I'm only human....

Life isn't fair. This I know. But right now I'm upset with my husband. He has been ignoring his health for many years but he can no longer ignore it. He went to have his yearly physical, the one I have to drag him to kicking and screaming, and his results weren't improving. The doctor has told him over the years that he has to eat better if he doesn't want to have a stroke or a heart attack. They've prescribed him meds which he refused to take...until now.

He doesn't have a choice. The unfair part? His meds cause rapid weight loss. Seriously???

Now I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years. My meds cause rapid weight gain. Wow, how fair is that? I had to decide literally between my physical health and my mental health. I chose not to continue the medication.

The problem that I'm having with my husband is his reaction to his weight loss. I have to bite my tongue when he gets on the scale and says, "wow, I ate so much and I'm still losing weight!" Doesn't he know my struggles? Hasn't he seen my blood, sweat and tears? Did he forget? I finally got to the point where I can't take it anymore and I told him to stop telling me about his weight. He literally gets on the scale after every meal.

I think he's a liar and a hypocrite.

The other problem is that he's not eating the foods that I'm cooking. He claims that he's watching his carb intake or he's watching his sugar and fat intake. Yet over the weekend he ate pizza, chinese food, and a diner burger and fries and brought home a slice of chocolate cake (my vice). The unfair part of it is that the more fat he intakes the better his meds work. It just comes right out. Sorry if that was TMI. So, he can have his cake and eat it too. Literally.

People are now noticing the weigh loss. He just smiles and says, "Yeah, I'm eating right and exercising."
I have to walk away to keep from saying something that I can't take back.

I would have more respect for him if he would be honest. He doesn't have to tell all his business but something like, "We're eating better and exercising. The doctor put me on a medication to help me reach my goal of getting healthy again." Notice how I said "we". He forgets that I'm a big factor in this. I forced him to get his physical. I dropped off the prescription and picked it up. He wasn't going to take it. I signed us up for the gym. I do the grocery shopping and make sure we have healthier choices. Jeesh. It's like a slap in the face.

Of course, I want my husband to be healthy. I've loved this man since I met him in the 7th grade. We have a wonderful family and wonderful life. We have plans for our future and I want him to be around for that.

Am I a horrible person to feel the way that I do? emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CAROLZ1967
    I read this when you wrote it but didn't get time to comment. I did not read your other comments regarding this but I hope they were helpful. I just want to say that I think you are perfectly normal and your feelings are too. It would be very tough, just with the weight loss affects/enhancements alone, let alone the issue you have with his attitude and behavior regarding it! I can't recall if you said if you sat down with him and really let him know how he is handling this subject with you is hurting you and that it isn't funny and it's not something he should joke about and/or take lightly. Really tell him how deep it cuts, until he gets it. But I have to say, & you might not want to hear this but as you know, life isn't always fair and some part of this you will have to find a way to accept and move on (the meds and their affect/help for him). And this might sound corny or bring on rolled eyes from others but it might help some if you remind yourself how YOU are doing it the "right" way, that YOU are doing it by eating healthier and making tough but better choices! That YOU are strong and powerful. YOU are in control of this journey, not "pills" doing it for you. Sure it might be a tough road and longer road to get to a healthier, fitter, happier you, but that road will be paved with pride and fulfillment and gratitude and more learning about yourself than his route will ever provide! And the odds of you succeeding in the long term and for your future as well (maintenance) is much greater doing it following the tougher, bumpier road too! Long term changes usually happen when we get there slowly. It's all about lifestyle changes. So if you can remind yourself of these facts daily or anytime you are down and frustrated, it might help some!! I'm here for you, as always.
    3105 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/30/2011 7:43:17 AM
  • LINDAJ0621
    It's hard not to get angry when someone you love is doing all the wrong things. I know my own DH finally got serious about his health, unfortunately he has waited so long that now he is just delaying the inevitable kidney failure that is the result of over 20 years of hypertension and Type II diabetes. At some point, you have to worry about yourself first. And, most men are not very open with others about their health. I think they feel less "manly" if they do. My DH says, "They don't need to know my business. I don't know why you women do that." Venus and Mars....LOL!
    3108 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Um, "hail" to the no, you are most certainly NOT a horrible person. You are a very frustrated wife (relating to that right about now) and you struggle with things and, and, and - sorry, I am too frustrated on your behalf to be very eloquent about this situation. I think you can lay it all out on the table with your man, so there is no question how you are feeling about all of this. Then, I think you will have to exercise like crazy to get some of this frustration out in a healthy way. Hey, maybe you two can take a kickboxing class together! Um, maybe not such a good idea right now. Okay, about the whole "liar, liar, pants on fire" thing, I would whisper in my darling husband's ear that if he tells one more person a big fat story about how he is losing weight, I will "out" him - it might make him think twice about what he says. Actually, maybe you should not listen to one single thing I say since I am working through some frustrations with my own husband right now. I am thinking of you - you are fabulous.
    3108 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9948086
    I am not one to give advise on how to survive a marriage, since I only stayed married for 8 years. What I have learned is ... the only person you can truly worry about is yourself. If it were me, I would become even more determined to lose your weight and not play into mind games. Determine the course you are going to take and stick with it. If he ends up slim and healthy good for him, but don't let his success or lack of character sabotage your need to be healthy.

    3109 days ago
    Your a good wife..
    You want him to be healthy and you care for him. emoticon
    Fat is not really good for a heart attack I think. emoticon
    3109 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10677985
    No you are not wrong in feeling the way you do. It is ok, because I sometimes feel this way about my husband. I get so mad at him at times because I feel that he is self centered & only thinks about himself & not care about what I feel.
    3109 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9136158
    Tell him -he is kidding himself, I would say if he gets ill find a nurse this one will quit lol.. emoticon
    3109 days ago
    Oh no, you are not a horrible poerson at all. But I can definitely feel your pain. It can be extremely frustrating to make other people understand why we have taken the path towards healthy life. Maybe they feel good generally and are not overweight, so they don't think that it's something they should consider. But your husband is a bit extreme, I really wish that he will open his eyes and see that you only want his best. Stay strong!
    3109 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5128667
    Absolutely NOT! I can give you a wonderful example of just what a "horrible person" is, but I'd be digressing inappropriately.....

    Vent away - I've done my fair share of venting in my time here, myself - not just wrt spouses, but other issues as well......know that your fellow Sparkies care (and I suspect a lot of us have been in similar shoes as yours).....

    Hang in there!

    3109 days ago
    have you told him all this?It also sound like he is rubbing it in, you are not his mom, you are his wife. be honest with him. he is in charge of his health, as you are of yours.

    you are responsible for the choices you make, don't be responsible for his also.

    good luck, be true to yourself. emoticon
    3109 days ago
    You sound like a 'normal' wife to me.

    3109 days ago
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