WARNING: This is a vent. If you don't want to read it please move on. I try to keep my blogs positive because I want my journey to be a positive one. But I'm only human....
Life isn't fair. This I know. But right now I'm upset with my husband. He has been ignoring his health for many years but he can no longer ignore it. He went to have his yearly physical, the one I have to drag him to kicking and screaming, and his results weren't improving. The doctor has told him over the years that he has to eat better if he doesn't want to have a stroke or a heart attack. They've prescribed him meds which he refused to take...until now.
He doesn't have a choice. The unfair part? His meds cause rapid weight loss. Seriously???
Now I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years. My meds cause rapid weight gain. Wow, how fair is that? I had to decide literally between my physical health and my mental health. I chose not to continue the medication.
The problem that I'm having with my husband is his reaction to his weight loss. I have to bite my tongue when he gets on the scale and says, "wow, I ate so much and I'm still losing weight!" Doesn't he know my struggles? Hasn't he seen my blood, sweat and tears? Did he forget? I finally got to the point where I can't take it anymore and I told him to stop telling me about his weight. He literally gets on the scale after every meal.
I think he's a liar and a hypocrite.
The other problem is that he's not eating the foods that I'm cooking. He claims that he's watching his carb intake or he's watching his sugar and fat intake. Yet over the weekend he ate pizza, chinese food, and a diner burger and fries and brought home a slice of chocolate cake (my vice). The unfair part of it is that the more fat he intakes the better his meds work. It just comes right out. Sorry if that was TMI. So, he can have his cake and eat it too. Literally.
People are now noticing the weigh loss. He just smiles and says, "Yeah, I'm eating right and exercising."
I have to walk away to keep from saying something that I can't take back.
I would have more respect for him if he would be honest. He doesn't have to tell all his business but something like, "We're eating better and exercising. The doctor put me on a medication to help me reach my goal of getting healthy again." Notice how I said "we". He forgets that I'm a big factor in this. I forced him to get his physical. I dropped off the prescription and picked it up. He wasn't going to take it. I signed us up for the gym. I do the grocery shopping and make sure we have healthier choices. Jeesh. It's like a slap in the face.
Of course, I want my husband to be healthy. I've loved this man since I met him in the 7th grade. We have a wonderful family and wonderful life. We have plans for our future and I want him to be around for that.
Am I a horrible person to feel the way that I do?