The past few days I have been pondering on how I will keep my Spark alive when it starts to flicker, as it invariably does at some point. For some reason this time around in the losing weight and getting healthy department I feel I have a new sense of dedication to my goals. But I know that I have felt this feeling before and I have just wondered why this time?? Why this time might be different??
Yesterday after doing my C25K training I had a epiphany.
It came to me in a quiet voice that said, would you be willing to go through all of this hard work again? Then I thought about why this time feels different.
First of all, I have set my workout goals a lot higher than I ever have in the past.
I am actually beginning to jog. Yesterday I did 2 jogs at 8 minutes with a 5 minute walk between them. I walked 1.5 miles before and after, and I blew myself away and kept asking my friend if he thought I could ever do this. His answer was YES, he thought I could do it. But did he ever think I would do it? His answer to this question was NO, not really. He didn't think that I would ever drive myself this hard and especially not at age 60. Oh he knew I had the dedication inside of me. He knew I could do it. He just didn't think I ever would.
Then after the jogging I came home to work on my PMPride workouts. And I am not just doing the regular little fluffy stuff that I would have called a workout before. I am using 8 pound dumbbells and I am pumping them over my head and to my sides and having good form. I am attempting sit ups and pushups and giving my all to crunches and modified sit ups. I am doing planks, and yoga poses and I am thinking of Yoovie and her statement to reach for the moon and I will at least get to the stars. I was thinking of the girl in the team that asked for help because she felt like quitting, and how many dear Spark friends replied to her to not quit..... for all of their various reasons. And I thought once again of Yoovie talking about the beauty of the sweat pouring down my body and how good it felt to REALLY FEEL THE BURN of the muscles as they reached their maximum. And I said to myself once again, would I really ever want to do this all again?
As I watched the Biggest Loser, I worked out at the same time and I thought to myself about how many of these people, just like myself, have been dedicated to lose weight, get in shape, and never slide backwards again. And yet time and time again we see it happens. And as I watched with a new dedication in my soul, I thought to myself..... I finally know what is different this time. I am finally being my own coach. I am finally pushing myself beyond my own boundaries that I have always set for myself. I am not allowing the regular aches and pains to stop me. I am not allowing the words of the naysayers - the ones who say, walking is so much better for you... you should walk... I am listening to a higher voice that says.... Push for the MOON and you will reach the Stars. I am listening to my own heart that says, I am an athlete, darn it. I am strong. I will not let age, or disease, or weight, or lack of money, or perceived lack of time stand in my way. I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN BECAUSE I FINALLY FEEL WHAT IT MEANS TO PUSH MY BOUNDARIES AND GO BEYOND.
Oh, you might ask what the picture has to do with this blog. In my quest for finding the perfect place to do my running, I have found some absolutely gorgeous areas to walk and jog very near to my house. I am not only pushing my physical boundaries of my body, but I am also expanding my natural boundaries of my everyday life. Isn't it weird how a person can travel all over the world, have lived in 3 countries, speak 2 languages, outlived a diagnosis of HIV for over 17 years, raised 3 children on her own, and still be afraid to walk farther than 2 miles from her own house? It's all about pushing the boundaries!!!