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I feel like a fraud...

Sunday, August 28, 2011

One of the interesting things about meeting my weight loss goal (over a year ago) is learning how to maintain. How to eat to not lose weight, but not slip back into old habits. It was easier for me to cut out "bad" foods altogether than to have a "small" piece since it is too easy for me to have another "small" piece. After all, I'm at goal, right?

I blogged about a month ago about how I had backslid and gained some of the weight back (about 8 pounds over my maintenance range). Not enough to freak out, but enough to make me want to watch and get back on track. Well, I did great for about a week. I hit the gym everyday, started 30DS, stayed within my calorie range and then, I got the stomach flu and was knocked out for a few days. After a few days down, I was behind on work and house stuff, so I found myself "too busy" to get back to my program. Here I am at the end of the month, a few pounds down, but not much to be excited about. I am more upset with my attempt than the actual results.

I don't need to lose much weight to get back to my goal range and I don't want to weigh less than that, but I do want to continue to reshape my body. I do not like my midsection at all and really need to continue losing fat so I can slim down my whole stomach section.

I used to run. I ran my HM last fall and ran 2 this past spring. Then I had a stress fracture and couldn't run for 6 weeks. I missed it. But when I was finally cleared to run again, it wasn't in my routine anymore. It was summer (June) and too hot to run during the day. I had replaced my weekend morning runs with having breakfast in our pajamas with my kids. While I didn't pretend I was still running, people still talked to me about running. Their last race, my next race, training programs. I could still keep up in the conversation, but felt like a fraud since I hadn't run in months. We'd be driving down the road and we would see a woman (every woman) running. My kids, without fail, point her out and say, "she's running, just like mommy!" It is all I can do is smile and say yes, all the while feeling like a fraud since I've only run three times since June.

But, I am done feeling like that. I want to be the healthy mom/role model for my kids. I want to be the mom they can look up to and want to stretch with after my runs and run with me when they get older. And I don't want to feel like a fraud anymore.

So, this morning, I went for a run. It was short, slow and painful, but I did it. My kids were so happy this morning and wanted to know where my "race" was. I tried to explained I was just running around the neighborhood, but they can't differentiate. When I got home, tired, sweaty, and disappointed in my not-so-great run, they were here waiting and ready to stretch with me. That made my whole run worthwhile.

I'm getting back to the gym during my lunch breaks and packing my lunches. That is where I've had success and what I need to get back to. I haven't given it up, but have been getting there fewer times a week than I need/like to. I know what to do, I just need to do it and not let myself get "distracted."

Here we go again!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Definitely not a fraud. You inspire me all the time. I haven't been exercising lately. I don't really know why. I've been putting off walking to the downtown library to return a book. It's not that far. I walked over to get the darn thing. You helped me realize, I should just do it. Your blog helped me to get moving!! Thanks!
    3281 days ago
    Way to go, Lisa! I can definitely relate...well, not to the whole maintenance range thing since I gained some pounds and I'm nowhere near goal yet! LOL But I can't even take a compliment right now...like my BFF pointing out that I'm wearing my wedding ring on my middle finger. I want to hide it because I feel like I'm not the person that lost the weight anymore. :-(

    Good job on doing what you needed to get your mojo back! I'm working on doing the same!!!! :-)
    3351 days ago
  • CANNF47
    Lisa, You are not a fraud.... Look at it this way instead...
    You had to take some time off to mend (I have been out 10 months now and have finally been cleared to run again) You see by talking about it you have not really given up. If you didn't talk about it any more then I think we would all worry about it a little. Then we would just start bugging you....

    Really, Welcome back and we are all here for you.
    3376 days ago
    You are def not a fraud hun! This happens to all of us. You have accomplished a HM girl! Not many can say that! Reflect on how far you have come in your journey and how hard you have worked to get where you are. You are an amazing woman, obviously your kids think so and you should too!
    3378 days ago
    oh my friend, you are and never will be a fraud..you just lost your zen for running...but it's back now and I look forward to swapping running stories with you! Keep in touch when you can! Hey, there is a 5k this weekend in EG...only $10....interested???? The course is blah, but the people who sponsor it are wonderful!
    3379 days ago
    Summer schedules throw me off track too. The only reason I kept running is that we did it at an insane hour of the morning allowing me to get home almost before the kids were even awake. Love that one of your driving forces is being an example to your kids. You are definitely not a fraud and you'll probably find a new race soon :).
    3379 days ago
    I have always thought that breaks for summer were just part of realistic lifetime running. If you are going to run thousands of miles over the next few decades of your life, why would you care if you took summers off? Overall, just not a big worry. I know it is hard to get started again, but it is much easier when it is 65* outside, and not 98*. Glad to hear your getting back to it, and gave yourself an appropriate convalescence for the injury. Now go play!
    3379 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/28/2011 11:39:46 PM
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