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A New Chapter Unfolds

Thursday, August 25, 2011

It has been such a long while since I thought about blogging. So many dynamics have changed in my life and now it is time to step on a new path and that new chapter unfolds.

I finished moving out of my home yesterday and today has been a melt down day as all the memories are left behind. It is bittersweet because the day I came home from the hospital when my husband died - the house no longer felt like a home and I felt nothing but aching loneliness there. However, everything that I had there will remain a vivid and loving memory of where our love grew and where life together was no more.

So now I begin anew - I write a new story as each day passes and find my place in the world - a world I have not experienced in a very long time. My son and I talked the other day about the fact that I have spent the last 30 years of my life caring for 2 very special and unique people and now it is time for me to see the world for the first time. It is a place I have not found complete comfort in but a place that lends much excitement. I feel like a young girl just going out into the world for the first time and yes it is exciting and I look forward to what my life will be like as I move forward.

To take this on a different direction - life priorities have been in my way and my fitness has been virtually non-existant, and yet it has been a wonderful respite from the fitness life I was living. I have spoken before about living with such intensity of fitness and with such restriction and I suffered greatly from that because it had gone on so long. The respite has been good for me and it helps me realign where I want my fitness goals now.

I am in love with the fact that I accomplished much and I will forever continue to accomplish much but with a different direction now. I now want to experience life and will always remain fit but it matters not to me to walk around in competition shape year round - been there, done that. I have hopes that the many who want and continue to want for things that just don't fit them can recognize that it is okay to not follow along with the majority - but to do what feels right in their lives at the time.

I have fulfillment in my heart with where my life has been and all that I have done for others and all that I have done for myself - I feel good about me and that is what my wish is for everyone as they endeavor on their own life journey's. Always think about what you want from the depths of your being and do what is right for you, not what is right for others. Be happy with who you are and what you have to give yourself and your life around you - I am so blessed to feel the way I do today and you have but to live out your dream. Aspire to be YOU and ONLY YOU.

LIFE holds all the pleasures and dreams that we wish to achieve - we only need to go make them come true - I am endeavoring to do that. Life is a dream and I wish to make it mine - it will be mine. Keep those thoughts in your heart and in your mind and everything you want will be yours if you reach out and take it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    We have all missed your inspiring blogs but healing requires time. Excited for you that you are entering this new step in your life and you are ready for it. emoticon
    3131 days ago
  • SMILES4383

    So sorry to hear of your tremendous loss.


    3359 days ago
    Hi Karen, it's been awhile... I am so sorry for your lost, but although bittersweet, I am glad that you are moving on and starting to take care of "you"; that is what your love ones would want for you as well... You have such a loving and giving spirit, not just towards family, but to others like me, with whom you took the time to help here on Sparkpeople, and for that I will always be grateful to you.

    I know that you will be ok, and know that I will be right here rooting for you every step of the way.

    Your emoticon emoticon ~ Dee ~ emoticon
    3473 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/3/2011 9:00:16 PM
    I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact that you have to move, leaving good memories behind. But you're right, it may be the right time for you to work on new goals.
    Have a great day!
    3478 days ago
    I have no doubt that you will make a good life for yourself and I hope you will find time to keep in contact with us.
    3481 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8574152
    What an incredibly wise and wonderful woman you are... Much success in all the new pearls you uncover in life, and yes, it is true - there are decidedly seasons in all our lives which are subject to change. Sometimes, growth can't and won't take place 'til we go with the flow, and you are!
    3481 days ago
    Hi Karen! So happy to see you blogging and to hear how well you are doing! I must have missed the last few blogs of yours. I'll have to go back and catch up. I understand how leaving the house could be bitter sweeet. Scary and exciting at the same time. But when you think about it, it's just an object and all the good things that happened there will always be in your memories.

    Things with me and my hubby have been really rocky lately and to be honest I don't know if we will stay together. I get awful feelings sometimes when I walk in this house and we may be seperating or we may work it out but I do know how you feel in a sense. Even though my husband is still here, he feels like a million miles away and almost like he isn't living here so it's a sad thing to walk into a house with no love there. I understand that. I know my situation isn't the same as yours but I do understand the lonely feeling.

    I relayed on him to make me happy and he can't do that for me. Only I can. I'm just praying things get better for me and that slowly I search inside myself for what really matters in life, get closer to God, and find myself again. I don't think I ever want to give my full soul to anyone else other than myself and God...it's too painful.

    I look up to you for strength and it fills me with tears to know you have done the impossible by turning something so painful into a new dream. The world is yours and you can do anything you want with it...that is an awesome feeling! So very proud of you!! Love, Jennifer
    3481 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/26/2011 7:30:23 AM
    Great to see you posting Karen
    Wonderful that you are moving on to the next stage in your life and embracing the positives.
    I have every faith in the strong Karen I know that she will prevail and adjust.
    It's only natural that you had a melt down, you're leaving some strong memories but you're ready Karen. Spread your wings and fly
    emoticon emoticon
    3482 days ago
    Glad to hear you're doing okay, despite an extremely rocky start to the year, and with such heavy losses to boot. You are true inspiration on how to keep going despite the pain of loss. Rock on, girl. You are blazing a healing path and I applaud you!
    3482 days ago
    I'm so glad that you have such a wise son to discuss your new life direction with. He takes after his mother.

    I'm sorry that you had a melt down today. You're memories will be with you, you just won't have the visual reminders to trigger those memories. You can always go past the house to use that as a trigger if need be. However, I'll bet you have enough pictures and other momentos to bring the good memories flooding back.

    It's good that you have taken the time to think about your fitness goals and that you feel good about where you are.

    I'm really glad that are emerging from this traumatic year with your feeling of self worth in good shape.

    I know that you will keep up the good work, now that you have finished with this move. I hope that your transition to your new life with be mostly smooth.

    Thank you for the goodie and note. I am really glad to see your blog tonight.

    3482 days ago
  • SHARON10002
    You are truly an amazing woman and I love you.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3482 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    Great thoughts Karen ..
    I totally believe in you and your strength of mind and character to contribute to and gain all you deserve in life ...
    you have been a wonderful Wife, Care Giver, Daughter , Mother and Friend .

    Now it is time for you to spread your wings and experience all that life holds for you ...
    Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon
    3482 days ago
    Wonderful Karen and a great reminder to always follow our own path and not what anyone else thinks we should do. You have great things ahead of you.
    3482 days ago
    Great to hear from you Karen! I hope every thing is going well with the new job and new apartment - they both sound wonderful. You're ever in our prayers. emoticon
    3482 days ago
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