Have not been myself lately
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
It's been a while since my last blog. I just don't feel like it. I've been down and I have had zero energy lately. I am still going to the gym 4 to 5 days a week..even if for only 45 minutes, but my heart isnt in it anymore. Why?? I dont know.....I try to give myself the same advice I have given others..I dont feel like posting..i dont feel like tracking.
I do remember the rush I get from getting on the treadmill and busting ass..I still do. It's the getting there that I dread.
I have not been horrible on my diet but my weekends are the toughest time. It's almost as though I have no self control. I know...that is an addict speaking..a food addict. MY diet through out the week is always good...I never eat past 8 and I have stopped eating on my large plates but using my salad plates for portion control.... so why am I getting burnt out? I am not sure. I hate this feeling. I just feel like I cant shake it. Yesterday, I seriously had a two hour craving for BBQ Chipped Beef baked potato with cheese and sour cream and it made me cranky to know I was battling myself over it. I know there are other options..like Greek yogurt and healthier options but you know what..I didnt want the healthier option..I wanted the wrong one. Today..I ate a good healthy breakfast..Kashi Ceral (1 cup and 8oz of skim milk and a coffee) ....what do I do for lunch??? I got McDonalds and get a Quarter Pounder with cheese meal..with a coke..did I eat it...YOu bet your ass I did..I ate it all...and drank my whole coke...I felt so guilty afterwards...and that feeling was followed by anger and depression.
I think I am not seeing the results I want to see fast enough. I must be acting impatient and trying to rebel..trying to sabotage myself. I know that I have not completely let go as I still commit to working out almost daily but never less than 4 times a week but I am just going through the motions. Has this happened to anyone else before? I am so defensive...I am mad..I am not understanding. It's not about the weight..I know it will come off in time but I am not losing inches...I am still in the same size jeans I was in a month ago and they are still fitting me the same.
Maybe I am just beign a baby...maybe I am just ranting for no reason at all and I am being a brat.
I dont know...
Sorry I am fussing...I just had to get this out because I am on the verge of tears...I am over it.