Monday, August 15, 2011
This is a poem/story I wrote quite a while ago about a tough time in my life. I read it every now and then to remind myself that there are rough patches, but we can always get out of them. I felt it fit so well with Spark and the journey to lose weight I wanted to share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy it and good luck on your journey!! Also, thanks for being there for me! You are all my angels!
My Trip to Sea
It was a beautiful fall morning and I was starting out on an adventure of a lifetime. I was taking my first trip into uncharted waters. I was so excited and nervous; I didn’t know what to do first. I packed my things, drove to the port, boarded my boat and set sail.
As I set off, I hadn’t even decided what direction to go. I just thought, “Just go straight, and see where it takes you.” The waters were a little rocky, but I was able to maneuver without much difficulty. I was proud of myself. I was accomplishing something that I always wanted to do.
I hit a small patch of bad weather; just some rain. I put on my poncho and continued on. I told myself that this would pass, not to worry. It was so beautiful to be out in the middle of this vast water, people passing on their boats and sharing some kind words. I was happy to be alive and felt free.
As the days roll by, more storms brewed. Nothing I couldn’t handle. I questioned myself on some of those days, “Should I be out here?”; “Do I know what I am doing?”; “What if….?”. I continued on, being reassured the whole time that I was doing great. This was the right trip to take.
Storm clouds lay ahead. I want to turn back, but I know I cannot. I must venture forward. Test myself. Turning back now would prove nothing. I know I must conquer the fear of the storm and forge ahead. I am scared, but brave as well.
The storm hits and my sails are hit. Others stuck in the storm with me are giving me advice on what to do. I am trying to hear them, but the wind is blowing so strong in my head. I continue on. Too stubborn to turn back, too ruthless to ask for more help.
Another wave hits and this one hits hard. I have not recovered my ship from the last blow. I fight back. I cry out, “WHY?”. ‘Why is this happening?”. I just wanted to enjoy a trip on the waters and now I am sinking. Again, others call out. They offer advice. They tell me that I will make it. I am having trouble listening. I feel I am doomed.
I don’t listen. I yell at those around me. I am consumed with my frustration, with my anger and hurt that this was supposed to be the best trip ever. I am mad at myself, at everyone around me, at God. I lay down and sob.
I wake the next morning. The sun is out. I tell myself to get up, make amends with those who tried to help, apologize to God for not having faith in Him and start to prepare my ship for the day ahead. It is going well. The little helpers I have are doing well to assist me with the repairs. They are like Guardian Angels right now. I start to look forward to the rest of my adventure. Then, the gray clouds appear again.
“I will not fold!”, I yell. I deserve to have this journey. Let me enjoy the rest of my trip. The wave hits. Everything that I heard in my dreams is gone again. All of the words I was told, I let go. I am angered now. Instead of riding the waves, I am fighting them. “What am I trying to prove?”, I ask myself. I have no response, but I continue on.
I make it through another storm. I must now decide to carry on or turn back. For now, I sit in the calm of the water. I tell myself to listen to those around me, to listen to my God and to be brave. I only hope and pray that I continue to take hold of the supports around me to continue the journey I set off on in the first place. It may be a different direction from where I started, but now I may chose which way I will travel; with the help, love, and understanding of all those around me.
This is my story. I’m sticking to it. If you want to know how it ends, you must travel by my side. I will work harder to welcome you and know that you would not steer me down the wrong path.
I thank you for the help on my voyage. I apologize for the anger that I passed to you in my frustration. I pray to God that I listen to Him and follow the path he has laid our for me on my journey.
Annabelle AKA LIFECHANGE 2012