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Day 1 of the EPC-

Monday, August 01, 2011

Day 1= boo! I was excited for today to get here- had my goals planned out- and BOO! Bad day- I think that people are definately triggers in my life...misery loves company I guess and I think its time I cashed in some of my friends.

I need to work on putting up my radar bubble when these types of people get around me- I am even wondering if I eat more when certain friends are around (instead of closet eating- which I am also guilty of)

Today- I took my lunch to work- but because I went to the mall with a friend (actually she tagged along with me) I ordered food at a pretzel stand- duh? really? 400 calories not on my daily food plan-- After that I started feeling bad about myself- My plan was to hit a few stores for specific items and I even skipped a store so she could get her lunch... I think I felt obligated to get something- I have walked by that pretzel stand for literally years without stopping. Agh... sigh sigh... then my aunt stopped at my moms tonight and broke into her cookie stash- that also got me joining the party and I had already been there for about an hour without touching it.

So why do I have moments where I feel like... this is it... I finially "get it" and today I am back to talking negative to myself (yes- correcting myself when I do)-... Like today for example-- im sitting at my desk at work and feeling like my pants are tight... but they didn't look tight when I looked in the mirror this morning--but the way I feel when Im sitting- agh- I hope not many people need to come to my desk today- I bet this outfit is making me look huge- i look down at my self - at my hugeness- and then I remember that hello- I wouldn't talk to a friend that way so why would I talk to myself that way? cause- I kinda hate myself- I hate how I look and I hate how hard this stupid ass issue is that seems so simple when it clicks- and that it so hard to keep my brain wrapped around it when it feels easy and here I am back to fat me- I hate it. This is not me- I really really hate it. This feels like a "i want to give up day" and that really scares me because I don't know what else to do, and I never give up- but now more than ever I want to- im really sick of these efforts not making progress- Maybe im going about it all wrong- But just like I need to cash in some of my friends- I need to cash in this person I am being today- I need a fresh start with forward momentum- What is holding me back? Any ideas?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LADYANDREA2012
    Good day!!! Keep putting yourself at the top of your priority list!!! You are the most important person in this journey of yours!!!!!
    3650 days ago
  • JOIE501
    I DEFINITELY agree with you about 'cashing in friends'. I had some "friends" who were the same way....they acted as friends but in reality they were in competition and just plain old JEALOUS. It sucks to realize but your probably better off without them. As for my friends not trying to lose weight,I am definitely triggered by them and don't stick to my "strict diet" when I am with them. Therefore, I try to do things not food related so I don't have to regret overindulging later :)
    3653 days ago
  • SPARKGIRL32
    Hooray for day 1! Let's hear about day 2 tonight :)
    3654 days ago
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