Friday, July 29, 2011
I start 2 challenges on Monday and I am looking forward to it for the accountability.
For the EPC Challenge:
Nutrition- Track/budget calories 5pm-459pm
Fitness- Do the first 30 days of my 90 day program (Allows for 1 day off per week I think) and get my horse ready for the horse show. (lots of riding for that -that will be easy.)
Organization- My husband is starting a new job which will mean more stuff at home for me to take care of (we split everything 50/50 now but I would like to take over almost all of it because his new job will be more hours, more strenuous (but also more pay-) so I will need organization goals to keep me organized and family/home life running smoothly.
And Drum Roll Please... I will weigh myself one more time on August 1st and am making a vow to not do it again until 9/5/11 (after my horse show is over) Instead I will be to busy focusing on my family, work, horses, and my epc goals.
What do I want to get out of the next 30 days? Love for myself- Confidence and Self Esteem and self respect. The horse show will be fun no matter what I weigh or what size I am (I know because I did it last year bigger than I am now) but- to experience it with so much more passion for life, people, and myself? Wow!! How awesome would that be? Its funny how the above goals tie together pretty much everyone and everything that is important to me- i TIE GOD INTO MY GOALS TOO- I BELIEVE THAT IS MOST IMPORTANT- BUT ITS NOT SOMETHING THAT I POST ON HERE FOR ACCOUNTABILITY- THAT IS ONE VALUE THAT WILL BE WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT. I am ready to take the plunge- Jump in and give this my best shot. And my best shot is good enough for me. I am so proud of myself for striving everyday to better myself. I know I have become a better friend, am less selfish, and I am getting stronger in more ways than one each and every day. I am setting the bar for others to be positive and I have seen this have an effect on people ALREADY! Wow! To think I am starting a positivity wave that could trickel throughout the universe! How cool is that?! :)
My husband and I would like to try to have another child to our family soon. This is something that I want, but my hang up is on getting myself to a good place mentally first. I also know that my pregnancy would be much more comfortable and my baby would have less chance of health risks/birth defects if I am healthier, so that is also a motivating factor for me.
So- I started today off on the right foot- Felt great mentally-- great mind and attitude- made some bad choices (food choices) through out the day. Inside- I am feeling good about myself, empowered, proud of myself, and almost like I got my lost place back. At the end of the day- The emotional glow that I had was being burdened by my unhealthy choices. My bloated tummy wasn't matching with what I was training my brain to think like. Wow!!!! I think I just had an a-ha moment right now- OMG!!! THIS ROCKS!!! OK!! This is one of those situations where failure is a good thing, because I recognized how I feel- and I think for the first time ever I was confused to why I was feeling so blah when all day my mind was in a good happy positive healthy state--- then my tummy feeling crappy/bloated.--- I started to have feelings like "geesh I feel fat today" - Lauren sent me a message earlier and asked how today was going- My response was going to be... I feel fat today... but... Retraining my brain.. so I was going to respond and say... ate unhealthy but I feel blah... however my mind is good.... but after I ate crappy, my positiveness I had going started slipping. So I responded to her and just said 50/50 and I then rethought it and though, nope.. think positive.. and then replied again and said 70/30.....Lauren has been coaching me...helping me to retrain my brain. Focusing on mental aspect rather than just cals/workout/weight loss... SO DUH!!!!! DUH SHERRI DUH!!!!! GET YOUR MIND IN THE HAPPY PLACE YOU WANT TO BE AND BE THERE. AND IF STUFFING YOUR FACE INTERFERSE WITH THE HAPPY PLACE, MAKES YOU FEEL AWFUL, STUFFED, BLOATED, HOW BOUT FINDING ANOTHER ACTIVITY THAT IS HEALTHY RATHER THAN DOING THE THING THATS NOT (FOOD ADDICTION) AND DO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE, AND POSITIVE... DUH DUH DUH... I KNOW PEOPLE SAY THAT YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF AND I THOUGHT I DID BUT IF I DID WHY WOULD I DO SUCH THINGS? GOTTA GET TO THAT PLACE- WHERE I AM CONFIDENT, I LOVE MYSELF, AND I FEEL GREAT. I FEEL GREAT TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL POSITIVE AND I FEEL GREAT TO SET THE BAR FOR OTHERS TO BE POSITIVE. OK...I FEEL A BREAK THROUGH- LIKE A "i AM WORTH IT" bREAK THROUGH... I HAVE TO TYPE THIS AGAIN SO i REMEMBER THIS... I FELT GREAT TODAY- HAD A GREAT MORNING WITH MY SON, SAID GOOD MORNING TO PEOPLE, GOT GOING AT WORK- PRACTICED A PRESENTATION FOR SOME TRAINING AT WORK (WHICH i WAS TOTALLY NERVOUS ABOUT) AND USED POSITIVE SELF TALK ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT AND GOT AN EMAIL FROM ONE OF OUR TRAINERS AT WORK TELLING ME HOW GREAT I DID. I UPLIFTED A FEW FRIENDS, HAD A GREAT LUNCH TODAY WITH A FRIEND (WHERE WE USUALLY COMPLAINED A LOT WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER) BUT TODAY IT WAS ALL POSITIVE AND UPLIFTING (BESIDES THE PIZZA BUFFET PART-) i ATE TOO MUCH AT GODFATHERS BUFFET BUT TRIED TO STAY UPBEAT- DON'T WORRY/BEATMYSELF UP ABOUT IT. lATER ATE A DONUT (REALLY sHERRI?)- AT 4PM?-- CAME HOME- HUBBY MADE STIR FRY- ATE THAT FOR DINNER- THEN DECIDED NOT TO GO TO THE BARN SO i COULD FOCUS ON THESE GOALS TONIGHT AND GET SOME STUFF DONE AROUND THE HOUSE... TRANSLATION FOR- i FEEL BLOATED AND LIKE CRAP AND i DON'T THINK I WANT TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO GET ON MY HORSE TONIGHT- i THINK I'LL DO NOTHING INSTEAD!! i FELT HORRIBLE- CLOTHES TIGHT- WEIGHED MYSELF- PANICED BECAUSE i HAVE GAINED A FEW MORE LBS- SO--- WHATS WRONG.... WHATS WRONG IS THE THINGS THAT i AM FEEDING MY BODY DON'T MATCH MY NEW POSITIVE OUTLOOK. NOW i UNDERSTAND WHY ITS CALLED A 'DESTRUCTIVE' BEHAVIOR!! WHOA-THIS IS SO SIMPLE- I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T SEE IT THIS WAY EVER BEFORE? TOTAL CRAZY NESS- NOT SURE IF THIS IS LIKE THE "SWOOSH" "nOTHIN BUT NET" PART OR NOT, BUT SERIOUSLY!!! GOOD WORK SHERRI! i THINK YOU JUST HAD A MAJOR MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH!!!! tHIS NEW ME THAT MY BRAIN IS BECOMING, IS HAPPY BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS HAPPY- BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO BE, AND mE IN MY BRAIN AINT GOT NO MORE ROOM IN THIS HAPPY BRAIN FOR SOMEONE TO PIG OUT AND LET NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT OURSELF SNEAK IN BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID SELF DESTRUCTIVE ACTION! HELL TO THE NO!!!! FOOD BEAST- TAKE A HIKE FREAK- WE DON'T NEED YOU NO MORE- PEACE OUT-WE ARE HAPPY AND WE INTENED TO BE BECAUSE WE WANT TO BE NOT BECAUSE WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY YOU ARE WHAT MAKES US HAPPY- NO FOOD BEAST YOU DON'T MAKE ME HAPPY AND YOU NEVER WILL. EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO GO FOR IS BECAUSE OF YOU AND NOW THAT i AM HAPPY AND I FEEL GOOD ABOUT ME- AND THAT I HAVE THE POWER TO INSPIRE PEOPLE AND HELP OTHER PEOPLE FEEL GOOD AND ACHEIVE MY GOALS THAT I SET OUT TO GET- THAT I DESERVE TO GET JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE THE GOALS THAT YOU KEPT ME FROM AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T DESERVE **cK Y**! TAKE A FREAKING LEAP OFF A CLIFF AND DIE YOU ROTTEN NO GOOD M-OTHER F-**
OK.. I Should probably delete some of that but I can't... it just flowed out of me from i don't know where- from heaven... this is it... I just had my moment.. I really did...enough is enough... no more struggling.. i got this! im ready to kick some ass and i don't think anything can stop me now.
Thank you God for Sparkpeople, Lauren, Chalene, and Jillian- all of my failures, and for helping me have the courage to face my deepest fears of upsetting others. and i just went from pissed off at my hungry beast to crying... this is so cool... i can no longer sing Cher's song "still haven't found what im looking for" because I just found it... its me....I am totally amazing and im not convincing myself that I can do anything... I can do anything... but right now i gotta go to bed because tomorrow is coming quick and its going to be my first official day of awesomeness! totally cool so Freaking cool! :)