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Random Babbling

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I've been fearful of stepping on the scale.....it's kind of like, if I don't see it, it's not there....I know what denial is. How can I be in such denial about my weight? I see myself in the mirror, I see what size my clothes are, I see the things I wish I was doing but can't because of my weight.... I like the encouragement of seeing the numbers decrease on the scale, but I put way too much value on those numbers. If the scale shows no loss or an increase, I feel like a failure. I know this feeling isn't truth...I'm not a failure. I can honestly say I'm being rather lazy and I need to identify why...but it goes back to fear of failure. It's an ugly, vicious cycle. I've gotten way too comfortable in my excess body! There is a saying in recovery--when the pain becomes worse than the fear of change... but I don't want to wait until the pain becomes that unbearable. I don't think that is the healthiest way for me to approach this.

So, these random thoughts today are just being written to get this stuff out of my head. Journaling helps me sift through things. Now it's called blogging. Whatever. I'm trying to focus on making small changes; seeing what I can learn and what I can build upon. I am committed to never giving up. I'm not sure where I'll be at the end of this--maybe self-acceptance? All I know is that God created me with the potential to be better than what I am today and I don't want to waste that gift.

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  • no profile photo CD3692258
    Looks like you have some great friends with good advice.
    3630 days ago
    I have to frequently remind myself that the scale is ONLY ONE measure of my health - so are the size of my clothes, how I feel, my energy levels, the fact that I have more stamina than I used to, etc.

    3630 days ago
    It's so easy to get caught up in what the scale says. I do the same thing. Just try to stay focused on the the positive changes you have made in your life. emoticon
    3630 days ago
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