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Back where I started...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Tonight is the first anniversary of my mom's death. Now, when she died I weighed around 210. A year later? 238... RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED in November 2009. And now I'm 40 years old (yesterday was my birthday)... and my goal for that day was to be 160 lbs... instead I'm a full 78 lbs MORE than that. I disgust myself... I disappoint myself.

I've been ashamed to come on SP, mainly because I was trying to be a good example, motivating others and encouraging myself... and here I am headed in the wrong direction... and WAY off track. I look as gross as my "Intro Pic" again... in fact, to think about it depresses me.

On top of it all, I fell about 5 weeks ago, and badly sprained my foot... only now (probably because of my weight, and on top of it being limited in activity) both my feet are swelling up (pitted edema). I know that is serious, but what am I going to do??? I am upping my potassium again (I think that might be the culprit along with the rest of it) and drinking lots of fluids, maybe to get things flushing. I'm also getting back on track... I hope.

Pray for me... please?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. I can't imagine it ever gets any easier.
    AND Happy birthday! Forty was my big marker for my weight loss too. But it's just a number; just as the scale. Don't let it dictate how you feel, because it doesn't make you a better or worse person. I know, easier said than done. But also know; that weight loss is 90% diet and only 10% exercise. So even though your body is healing, you can still lose weight in a healthy way. Plus, you can still exercise. I was feeling lazy yesterday so did butt clenches. You can still work on your arm muscles and core muscles too. This is just a minor set back.
    Please don't ever feel ashamed to come on here. This is what it's for; to give support when you feel you can't get it anywhere else. Take it in small baby steps and you will reach your goal.
    My baby steps were: no foods with HFCS, then I cut back on foods with high sodium. Then it was foods with over 9gr of sugar per serving. Then for me, I had to cut out dairy because it's toxic to my body. It's amazing how much weight can be lost with just cutting out cheese alone. But this is just me. You will find what works for you. Just don't give up and please, do not beat yourself up over minor set backs.
    I will pray for you.
    3601 days ago
  • LISA01605
    I think everyone goes through a period of regaining and it does feel awful. Never be ashamed to come back to spark. Spark is the best place to find support and motivation. I lost 64 pounds and regained 52 of it as of April. I was disgusted with myself and I used it as motivation to turn things around. 86 days later and I back down 48 pounds (from my initial stat weight not my April 4 weight). It can be done and YOU can do it. If you need support feel free to spark mail me. Along my recent journey I found a free program: fatloser.com. You watch a 10-20 minute video a day for 21 days and it helps increase your mental toughness. More recently I read "Why We Get Fat and What To Do About It" by Gary Taubes. Both resources helped me immensely and I highly recommend them.
    3601 days ago
    First, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother.

    Second, Happy belated Birthday! emoticon

    Third, DON'T be ashamed to come on and Spark! That's what we are here for. To live a healthier lifestyle and to encourage others. Even though you are back where you may have started, you can start again. We're all here for you, cheering you on. emoticon You've hit a bump in the road, a little detour...now you're back on the right path. Let's do this...together!!!

    3601 days ago
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