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Starting From Where I Am

Monday, June 27, 2011

There's this older gentleman who I see every once in awhile as I'm nearing the end of my painfully long commute home. When I see him, he's always exercising. His exercise routine is to walk to the end of his driveway and back. I've never had the opportunity to watch his full cycle, but I suspect that he might do this back-and-forth a couple of times before quitting. Now, some people might find this fitness routine to be somewhat pathetic, being that his driveway is flat and only a couple hundred feet long, but I always find myself feeling very proud of him. He's an older guy who has obvious health conditions, and there he is out there every day walking--putting one foot in front of the other. I always feel both proud of him, and grateful for my own strong body and my ability to walk, and sometimes even run, for miles at a time.

In recent months, I've fallen off the wagon. I'm not sure how or when it started exactly, but after getting married this past October, I lost some of my momentum. I've gained a bunch of wedding bliss poundage. I've shifted my focus to other things. I've stopped running and even walking as regularly as I'd like. I've stopped tracking my calories as faithfully as I was. It's frustrating because I worked so hard and got so far. I vowed to myself that I'd never go back--that I was on a one-way track to a healthy skinny new me. I broke that promise and betrayed myself.

I haven't posted any blogs because I knew that if I did, I'd have to own up to that betrayal, and I didn't want to aknowledge how ashamed I am at myself, and how much of a failure I feel like. But, I have to get back on the wagon, and I have to start where I am despite the shame. So, I'm going to take a lesson from the driveway man and do what I can with what I have. One foot in front of the other, to the end of the driveway and, eventually, beyond.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MSSUNBUG
    My very favorite quote from the very start of this journey is, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." My mom reminded me of this recently when, after I completed my first triathlon, she presented me with a beautiful silver ring with this quote on it. I was so moved I cried and cried--because once upon a time, when it all felt so overwhelmingly endless, bottomless, and impossible, that single thought got me through it. Any achievement, any change, starts by doing ONE thing differently, starts with a single step. And that single step is all you need to focus on!

    It's good to hear from you, though I'm sorry it's in the context of not doing so fab. It's good that you've acknowledged it and have taken some steps towards making things better. We're here, cheering for you!
    3137 days ago
  • GAIASCHILD
    Oh I know that feeling of shame and broken promise!! Reading brought a tear to my eye because I can absolutly identify with what you wrote here.
    I watched you succeed while I was in a time of falling off the wagon. But you can do this! You know how, you have the tools, and your gonna rock it!
    3137 days ago
  • SPARKLING_EYES
    You are where you are! Don't beat yourself up about it! You wouldn't sit in your home feeling ashamed that you aren't in the local store, you'd just get up and walk / drive there!

    I'm looking forward to seeing your progress blogs! Love your back ground pictures.

    emoticon
    3137 days ago
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