a few things about me
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
ok, so I'm sick of all the pep talks I've been giving myself. It's tough when you are tired of hearing yourself. I'm at rock bottom and I need to get myself in gear. Here's some facts:
I'm fat. Don't tell me I'm not, because I know I am, you know I am, a now I know you're just placating me.
I finally coming to grips with my depression- I'm lower than I've ever been but I'm starting to realize I can't wish it away, and that I probably need to stay on medication for the sake of the people around me.
I'm a terrible eater- my lunch was coca-cola.
I'm a new mom of a beautiful 10 month old girl. I'm breastfeeding and tied up in knots about when I will wean her. I work 2 nights a week and the rest I'm home with her.
the last thing I want to do is get up tomorrow morning and exercise...
But here's the plan.
I need to get my head on straight. Not quite sure how to do that. Maybe start taking my prozac again. Maybe just be good to myself.
I can't plan out the whole weight loss journey. It doesn't work. I can't plan for the week. But I can plan for tomorrow.
When the baby wakes up, I will nurse her and then have some breakfast of eggs with my husband. I will drink water, 2-3 glasses. I will take a vitamin, mag supplement, and calcium. (I tend to drink lots with my meals. And i always have to take my pills with food. I haven't decided about the prozac yet.)
Then I will dress the baby, dress myself (in the new workout clothes I bought tonight) and grab some water, and go for a walk.
I aim for a leisurely walk of about 45 min. I am so out of shape that I don't have to worry about speed right now. I won't use my hrm since I haven't calibrated since I gained 35 pounds. (ouch)
Lunch: salad! with chicken and ceasar dressing. I'm not going to skimp on my dressing because I'm doing major strides having salad. Green stuff! With water!
Dinner: who knows, since my mother in law is coming over after lunch and the whole evening is up in the air.
hopefully before my mother in law gets here I can do the dishes so my house doesn't look like the housekeeper is clinically depressed.
and the depression...perhaps it won't eat me up tomorrow.