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I Have a History of Taking Off My Shirt

Monday, June 13, 2011


Ha, you thought, perhaps, that the clothing rant was over!

Oh, no, mes amis. It is far from over.

Let us, ahem, discuss what is, erm, under the shirt. And the pants.

I am speaking, of course, of our skivvies. How many of us walk around all day and are uncomfortable?

Now, I am well aware that constructing a bra is, in many ways, a job for the Army Corps of Engineers. It is a complex system of angles, pads, hooks, straps, cups and, perhaps, a bit of anti-gravity. There are different types, too, for enhancement or minimizing or whatever. It's a wonder any of 'em are relatively inexpensive, truth be told.

But why, oh why, is it that finding the right fit is so dang complicated? It is a set of measurements. And it is actually more measurement-driven than any other piece of women's clothing. It should be EASY to get a bra that fits.

I am a 36C. This morning, when I measured myself, my bust was 39.25" and my band was 35.5". According to Macy's www.macys.com/campaign/s
I am a 36C, whether you go with a 35 or a 36 for my band size. Well, all righty then!

Except that I gap out on the sides, unless I am wearing a sports bra.


It is supposed to actually fit me! So -- here's a wacky idea -- unless it's some sort of a hotsy-totsy ooh la la type of bra, couldya people make it with higher sides? Otherwise, it looks like I am stuffing into something that does not fit.


And now to head southward.


I have found that Fruit of the Loom fit. Hanes Her Way, for me, do not. Same size (6 these days). Really, this should not be a radical difference. Yet it is! For, while I can get both types on me, the latter manufacturer's product, ahem, has a lovely tendency to go to places where it is not supposed to go.

My only advice is -- and you can't try these on in a store, so you end up buyin' 'em, is to try on, wear for a day, and see how often (if at all) you have to tug. Life is too short to be tugging. Know what I'm sayin'?

By the way, this can be a male issue as well, according to my husband.

Finally, something that more people will see -- shorts. How many people here wear shorts that continually ride up if you walk for more than, I dunno, a block?

My husband even has this happen to him, and he is a good 30 lbs. lighter than I am, and with decent legs (there's your ooh la la right there) without thigh rubbing. So why is he getting ride up?

My request to shorts makers - I dunno, but FIND A WAY. Perhaps the bottom part of each leg could be cuffed with a very slight weight in it? Of course longer shorts, like the kind that hit at the knee or so, have much less of this problem. But those are no good when it's 90 out. I would like to be able to wear shorts in skeery hot weather without, among the other things I deal with in life, also have to spend my time figuring out how I am going to, surrepitiously, adjust 'em. Over and over and over again.

I swear we will have World Peace a lot faster if all underwear issues could get resolved.

So, to all undergarment manufacturers out there -- pun intended, of course -- GET CRACKIN'!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PICKIE98
    A-oh! Message in a Bottle.. another song stuck in my head!!!

    I do not have shorts ride up, but that Rusty butt-crack image is not pretty,, I have my fruity-tooty Loomers on and they never ride up if I buy the correct size..
    I wear JMS bras,, their sizing for me is dead-on.. but I am so glad I do not have what I have heard some people call back boobs??? Is that it, where the foundation garment pushes everything until it squeezes out onto the back?? Mine is my underarms,, too much going on there,,
    3632 days ago
  • NUMD97
    Thanks for the chuckle.

    And of course you are, indeed, correct. Why clothing is not standard across manufacturers, I dunno, is anyone's guess. It's really not rocket science, but then again here we are. =sigh=

    Good luck as you soldier on,

    3634 days ago
  • SHEL1181
    Bra's suck!!! I found a good one but it broke in a couple months!!!! How does that happen. Most of the one's that fit don't go up high enough on the side and that is such an unattractive look. I think I look decent and then I see that side fat pushing up and over the bra and just want to take it off and put my sports bra on. So frustrating! Loved your blog!!!
    3639 days ago
    Just stopped by for the song reference. (love those guys)

    My shorts don't ride up, and I'm not much help in the bra dept.
    3639 days ago
    so no one caught the musical reference? or I'm the only one with the song stuck in my head;)

    have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
    "I have a history of taking off my shirt"

    It's been one week since you looked at me
    Threw your arms in the air
    and said "You're crazy"
    Five days since you tackled me
    I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
    It's been three days since the afternoon
    You realized it's not my fault
    not a moment too soon
    Yesterday you'd forgiven me
    And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

    Chickity China the Chinese chicken...
    ok I'll stop.

    Cheers, Mary
    3640 days ago
    Preach it sista!
    3658 days ago
  • FRECKS96
    Amen! I hate bra shopping. I generally end up special ordering from an online company. Expensive but generally worth it.
    3660 days ago
    You CRACK me up! emoticon

    - Karen
    3660 days ago
    Mmmmm. I remember the days when women used to go braless and it was acceptable. Imagine? Of course those were the days when I was skinny ad there was nothing to put in a bra. And getting dressed up meant wearing a cami so the outerwear kinda slipped more gracefully. I have a feeling no matter how much weight I lose the braless days are history. And maybe that is a good thing for the world.
    3660 days ago
    I loved this blog.

    When I was nursing (sorry if this is TMI) I was, like, a 36 E or something mammotastic like that. I went to a specialty store that was known for its mastectomy bras and they fitted me (and the owner's demented mother felt me up to make sure the girls were where they should be...yeah, that was interesting). I ordered a couple of hard-core nursing bras from them and my life improved significantly. Now I'm a normal 34 D and I absolutely lovelovelove the Spanx Bra-llelujah. They are stupid-expensive (about $60 each) but I buy three, rotate them regularly, and they last for 2-3 years each (longer for the black one, which I wear less frequently, and it's still going strong at 4+ years). No back fat rolls. No strangulation. Just a nice, gentle hug. I love them.

    As far as panties are concerned, I'm a big fan of Gap Body. They have decent sales several times a year. I wear an 8 or a 10 on the bottom, but I get a size large. No creepy-crawly nonsense. And if you go for the lacy boy-shorts, no panty lines, either, if that is ever an issue for you.

    Just my two cents. Love the BN Ladies, by the way.
    3660 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9392719
    Interesting blog. Just this morning I told myself I needed to go out and buy at least 1 till I reached my goal. Right now, I'm really uncomfortable because it is too big... emoticon

    Now, not looking forward to shopping at all cause I don't want to spend a bunch right now. Maybe I'llgo for the sports bar. I donno... emoticon emoticon
    3660 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    You have so many great observations... maybe you should cnsider a 2nd career as a clothes designer!
    3660 days ago
    Awesome blog! Stupid shorts...
    3661 days ago
    1) Bras.
    You can go to the Intimacy store at Copley Place (857.277.7887). I went to one in San Diego when I hit goal in January of 2009 while they were having specials on bra fittings and they spent a long time trying to fit the girls into something. More info here: myintimacy.com Their bras are hideously expensive. I recommend noting down the brand, model, and size and trying to find the same thing online somewhere else.

    They might not have such issues with your girls since you got the skin removed. Mine are "as is," after losing around 180 lbs.

    In the end they put me in something pretty similar to what I wear usually and buy at Wal-Mart: http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Basi

    2) Underwear.
    I think I just buy Hanes for Her briefs. I think they might be high cut, but I'm not sure. I'm probably due for a downsize. If your skivvies are riding up you could try going up a size and see how that feels.

    3) Shorts.
    When I was buying from their catalog Junonia.com had these awesome stretch compression shorts with a lightweight shell around the sides that disguised the lycra. The lycra kept them from riding up. Looks like they still have them: http://www.junonia.com/products/on-

    Other manufacturers probably have something similar but I rarely wear shorts except board shorts (when I'm kayaking, which I'm not this season) so I don't know what options like that there are.

    Let us know how it goes!
    3661 days ago
    Love the blog! LOL I totally agree with the bra thing! I am a 44D and the larger womens bras just suck! I've tried so many diffrent brands. Currently i have a few from Cacique (Lane Bryants lingurie dept) But I know the sucky bra fits happen to women of all sizes. My cousin is a size 2 maybe!, and she has issues finding good bras too!

    So... Hopefully the fashion industry will listen.

    On a side not to the panty thing. There was a spotlight on the Dr. Oz show where he talked about VANITY SIZING. Look it up. Since the 50s a size 12 has grown 8 inches!!! There is no government regulations when it comes to sizes in the US. So manufacturers are marking larger sizes smaller so that women will feel better about their size and buy more...

    3661 days ago
    Your best bet is to go to a Victoria Secrets OR there are companies I have heard of that will measure and FIT you for YOU!And they do make bras with higher sides, but they are more pricey than your everyday run of the mill Target and Sears type bras.
    I love victoria secrets they have ones that cover well and no gaps, you just have to be willing to work with the sales people and let them look at you in your skivies.
    3661 days ago
    Thanks for the laugh this morning!
    3661 days ago
    I bought a new bra this weekend. Its a 7 way biofit bra at Victoria Secret. A bit pricy (65$) but! You can wear it 7 ways with black or clear straps. I'm a 38DD and I can even wear it strapless! It is amazing and the sides aren't tiny . I love it! I am going to buy another one next month in another color.
    3661 days ago
    Oh I hear you sister! It is so annoying and needs to have a fix and soon. Both of them! I have the exact same issues.
    3661 days ago
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