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On The Verge?! Of Giving Up!

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

I am taking a break from weightloss stress.

I am once again up to higher than where I started. I am so tired of the yo-yo scale. I have made good choices, followed strict diet plans that not only did I not mind but I liked them so it didn't seem like a "diet," I have exercised and worked and sweated and stressed and spent money and time and I lose and gain and lose and gain and lose and gain and frankly I do not have a single thing to show for it. I am 186 lbs again. I can't continue to take the disappointment and constant occupation of the mind for thought of what to eat and what not to eat.

I seriously can't take it any more. I love the Lord and I have a life to live. I want to live everyday in total acceptance of my own body and attitude. I want to be happy with who I am! I also want to be a smaller version of me but if this is not to be then what more can I do. I have searched for a partner. Someone to walk with, someone to be accountable to, someone who would basically hold my hand and walk me through this process. I am ashamed to say but I NEED help!

I need a break. I need a fulltime job. I need to quit stressing about making or not making our house payment and now Joe's unemployment has run out! I am so sick to death of having to worry about where our next penny is going to come from or when we will have food or if my house is going to be taken from me. I am so sick to death of living by the seat of my pants. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet. I want to be independant and strong and able to help others rather than have to be dependant on others or government programs.

I am sorry this is not an upbeat positive and encouraging blog. I wish I had all my ducks in a row and I wish I didn't have to come to this place in my life. I am supposed to be learning something but I will be darned if I know what it is. I wish I would learn my lesson so I could move on to a better time in my life.

I love you all and I am not writing this to bring any of you down. I do not want to give up. I want to be successful. I want to be an inspiration to you all but unfortuately I am not able at this time.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD8301081
    emoticon Hang in there. I agree about dropping the stress and loving yourself where you are. Are you do these things the weight loss will happen. Just don't give up because it is not only about losing weight but being strong and healthy. emoticon
    3590 days ago
    Don't give up!!
    3594 days ago
    Been there, done that too! We all get there at some point, don't we?

    My best successes occur when I release weight loss as the goal and work on other goals. When your mind is consumed with survival thoughts, it takes you to a different space. Also, there is a biological basis for the inability to lose with during times of stress... your body senses the panic of surviving and releases more stress hormones that cause increased fat storage.

    I think that affirmations without actions to support them rarely change things. I agree that picking one positive, healthy action and doing it consistently builds the sense of success you need to feel right now.

    I am curious about what an accountability partner would be to you. Is it someone to report to everyday? Is it someone to talk to ? What is missing for you to succeed ? There are days I wake up and just want my momma! Somedays I just need a break from my life.

    Your amazing faith may be indeed be your salvation through all your trying times. Go read up on resilience....I think you have that. Take care.
    3594 days ago
    3594 days ago
    We all have bad times, so dont feel bad for venting. Sometimes it helps. my huband got si'ck last aug. and can't work. we have four disabled kids so i cant work. we r losing our house and i am so stressed out. I am exercising two hours a day,only drinking wTer and staying in my cal. range. I just cant seam to lose anything. im tired of having no money and. I'm tired of working so hard without seeing any results. Keep on trying and so will i. Maybe we shpuld pray for each other. each day. O emoticon
    3594 days ago
    I have felt like this so many, many times and I understand your frustration. I agree you need a break , but it is a break from your stressful thoughts that you need. Stress in itself isn't real you can't touch it or see it or smell it. Stress is all in our minds and how we are perceiving information. You say you are back where you started, but that's not true how could it be? You have been working your muscles and eating healthier, you have made improvements to your diet and fitness. The fact is no matter what that damn scale says (and for me I think scales are not only an inaccurate way of tracking progress, but are truly evil and hurts my progress more then help it) you cannot possibly be right where you started if you have been making changes!
    So take a break...drop that evil scale and force yourself to stop thinking about everything at once. There are things we can change and things we cannot focus on those you can, but focus in small bites. Take a task, just one and work on it and for Gods sake give yourself credit. You have been doing great! You have been moving forward you should be proud of all you have done! I'm proud of you!
    Most importantly you need to be your own friend. It can be hard to be happy with yourself when you want changes on yourself so take smaller steps. Start and end your day by telling yourself something positive about yourself and mean it.
    We as women can sometimes be our worst enemies. We tend to be so busy taking care of other people and worrying about their feelings that neglect our own.
    Be your friend, be kind to yourself, find the beauty and love inside yourself and keep reminding yourself about them. Also take a break, relax find some time to spend, no MAKE some time to spend on just YOU.
    You are succeeding and you are worth it so keep going and know that you have us all here for support when you need it all you need to do is ask for it!

    Peace & Love,
    3595 days ago
    I wish I could give you a hug in person, but can just send one through cyber space. Hang in there, keep in mind that this too shall pass. Hopefully sooner than later.

    Take care emoticon emoticon
    3595 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6266064
    3595 days ago
    You are emoticon You are emoticon
    Life is Good!
    Good Health is the Greatest Wealth!
    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
    Philippians 4:13
    3595 days ago
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