On The Verge?! Of Giving Up!
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
I am taking a break from weightloss stress.
I am once again up to higher than where I started. I am so tired of the yo-yo scale. I have made good choices, followed strict diet plans that not only did I not mind but I liked them so it didn't seem like a "diet," I have exercised and worked and sweated and stressed and spent money and time and I lose and gain and lose and gain and lose and gain and frankly I do not have a single thing to show for it. I am 186 lbs again. I can't continue to take the disappointment and constant occupation of the mind for thought of what to eat and what not to eat.
I seriously can't take it any more. I love the Lord and I have a life to live. I want to live everyday in total acceptance of my own body and attitude. I want to be happy with who I am! I also want to be a smaller version of me but if this is not to be then what more can I do. I have searched for a partner. Someone to walk with, someone to be accountable to, someone who would basically hold my hand and walk me through this process. I am ashamed to say but I NEED help!
I need a break. I need a fulltime job. I need to quit stressing about making or not making our house payment and now Joe's unemployment has run out! I am so sick to death of having to worry about where our next penny is going to come from or when we will have food or if my house is going to be taken from me. I am so sick to death of living by the seat of my pants. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet. I want to be independant and strong and able to help others rather than have to be dependant on others or government programs.
I am sorry this is not an upbeat positive and encouraging blog. I wish I had all my ducks in a row and I wish I didn't have to come to this place in my life. I am supposed to be learning something but I will be darned if I know what it is. I wish I would learn my lesson so I could move on to a better time in my life.
I love you all and I am not writing this to bring any of you down. I do not want to give up. I want to be successful. I want to be an inspiration to you all but unfortuately I am not able at this time.