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SAHMs are Not Meant to Think Straight

Friday, May 20, 2011

This is in response to a friend's blog that I read today.

I was a stay at home mom for 8 years. Even now, I only have a part time job 4 days a week while my kids are in school. So I still drop them off/pick them up/force them to do homework/etc. Finding childless time to go to Target and the grocery store is the only tough thing I've encountered so far about being employed. I LOVE my job. It's a place to talk to adults while nobody's screaming/crying/fighting...an
d they pay me. I feel like I'm pulling something over on somebody.

Here's how I see it: STAY AT HOME MOTHERS ARE NOT MEANT TO THINK STRAIGHT. Craziest job I ever had. There is no other job in the world that NEVER ENDS. Up all night with a crying/barfing/screaming kid? Too bad! Get up after 2 hours of sleep and....feed screamer/barfer, do some laundry, load kid(s) in the car for another horrifyingly painful trip to the grocery store (try to remember your coupons because you're on one income), call Red Cross to clean up the tornado that is your house (oh wait, THAT'S YOU), and most importantly TRY NOT TO SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIFE by losing your schmidt 10/20/50 times a day. Oops, I mean mold your child(ren) into worthwhile human beings by crafting sh*t on your kitchen table that you'll then get to clean up.

Let's address self esteem. Stay at home moms, please feel free to feel ugly or uglier. I'm pretty sure those are the only choices. You don't earn a paycheck, so you get to feel like you shouldn't spend on crazy things like new bras. Because they're expensive and you can make do with the the threadbare crap that doesn't even hoist the sisters half way to where they were before you grew people. Your man wants to DO IT, and of course you are up for it at all times because you are definitely at your sexiest in a disheveled pony tail, overly snug jeans, a shirt with kid barf smell, and sagging bra. Oh wait, you feel gross, because mothering is about hugs, kisses, love AND a whole lot of fluids you're regularly covered in that nobody told you about before you started incubating another person.

Sorry, this wasn't meant to turn into a rant. This is actually how I have lived for MANY years now. It's a constant crazy range of emotions and thoughts that come from NEVER BEING OFF DUTY. When I'm feeling down, I want to find some evil way to get back at my husband for sitting down in his chair like a lazy sack of man, and putting on his shows to watch while I still feel obliged to do dishes/laundry/etc. The reason I don't lose it on him is because he would be fine if I decided to sit down with him and do nothing. He doesn't put the pressure on, I put it on myself. How messed up is that???

I have beaten myself up time and again about whether I did more damage than good as a stay at home mom. I actually got pregnant (after 11 months of trying), was thrilled, got to month 2 and had a complete panic attack about giving my baby to day care. I told my husband I COULD NOT DO IT. I've had two real freak outs EVER (the end of days kind) and that was one of them. My husband had never seen anything like it, so he said, "ok, we'll move." We moved to Las Vegas when I was 5 months pregnant, so that I could be a stay at home mom. Long story longer, I uprooted my whole life to stay home and raise my baby...and I'm still thinking I wasn't even good at it.

The thought the keeps me going is that if you were at work instead of stay at home mothering, you'd come home and you'd STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THE CRAP. I mean, you'd get home, have to make a meal, bath time, story, hug, nigh nigh.....and any fighting that would come with those things. While you're at home, you get to enjoy your kids being who they are all day while they're young. Sounds painful, I know. But, now that my kids are 7 & 5, I realize that is really something great.

In Synopsis,
#1 Stay at home mothering is BY FAR the hardest job I've encountered.
#2 You can't think straight when you never ever ever have time off.
#3 You can only do the best that you can do. If you need to rant, rant.
#4 You can constantly question yourself and your choices, but I am here to tell you:

YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!!! DO YOUR BEST!!! HANG IN THERE!!! Your children will be in school soon, and you will be so thankful. And then guilty about feeling thankful (because that's another fun part of mothering). But really, no matter how hard it is, someday you'll miss them being little. I already do.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The sitting thing totally got me. I teach so I deal with my kids, take them to work with me, send them to another adult and deal with special needs kids al day, then swap them back out at 3:00. When I am "on vacation" in the summer, my husband comes home and sits...plus generously gives me his chores for the summer since I "don't have to work". I haven't had a straight thought in 10 years :)

    And he doesn't care if I sit either.....the laundry/dishes/chaos will wait...for me
    3667 days ago
    I love this. Thanks:)
    3681 days ago
    A friend just emailed this to me... how timely!

    3681 days ago
    Wow. I really needed this today. I'm even a little misty over here. Thanks for this post.
    3681 days ago
    3681 days ago
    Oh and I love the comment about guilt once they get to school. So true.
    3681 days ago
    I LOVE THIS. And I think I love you.

    You managed to put into words in a much more eloquent way exactly what I was trying to convey. Yeah this job is insane. And having 3 kids at one time all at home makes it even more insane!!

    Thanks for the vote of confidence. I think I already am feeling better... I think. emoticon
    3681 days ago
    I totally feel ya on the "sit on the chair" thing. I used to here "Why don't you sit down?" a lot. Now I sit. However I hear my dishes calling this morning, as a result of my sitting. Eh, they aren't too loud. :)
    3681 days ago
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